Clowns Only Love Once
by PumpkinMuffin
Summary: It was just a way out of Arkham. It was just a way to make millions. But, as it happened, the plan changed. Money has lost all its earthly charm. She was a distraction...his creation became an addiction. He made her laugh...her patient became the doctor.
1. Apostasy

**Authors' Note: **This story is written from two different perspectives and by two different people. It has an unusual/unique structure. Please write a review if you'd like. This is our first story actually published. Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note Part II: **In the beginning, this is quite similar to Mad Love. However, it does not follow the comic after Harley and Joker leave Arkham. Please read with an open mind. This FanFiction and all its characters are not meant to be (and will not be) exactly like the comics/movies/animated series/t.v. shows. Creative flexibility is a good thing.

"Clowns are funny people. They only love once."

-The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)

His strong fingers closed around the doorknob. He was deadly silent. Barely breathing. Excitement gripped him inside. He grinned madly. What a laugh this would be! They would have no idea. He personally doubted dear _Harlequin_ would say a word. She would be amused. Probably absolutely and completely in awe of him. He turned the handle and slipped into the quiet, neatly organized room. He laid the vase on her desk and touched the petals of the rose gently. He wondered how her skin felt. As smooth as the rose petal? He smiled again to himself. He would find out....

And with that, the Joker made his disappearing act.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was a few hours later when Ms. Harleen Quinzel finally entered her office. Arkham sure was one tiring place to work at! It would be worth it though. Best selling books had to have good topics. As she slipped off her blazer she noticed a reflection from the corner of her eye. The moonlight had caught a vase resting on her desk. One red rose was elegantly lighted in the pale glow. She walked over and reached for the card gently, heart hammering in her chest. "Come Visit Me. -J-" As she lifted the sweet petals to her nose, a smile spread across her lips. How romantic!

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

He really didn't like waiting. The Joker wasn't particularly known for his patience. He paced back in forth in his cell. It reminded him of a cardboard box. He placed a finger to the wall. Only, it wasn't flimsy. The walls were white and sterile._ They_ liked everything clean here. Joker liked things dirty though. Dirt made things more interesting. He took a deep breath. Waiting. He started pacing again, unable to stand still. She had to have gotten it by now. She must have.

Harleen took deep breaths as her heels clicked a steady beat against the floors. She had gotten used to the strange looks the inmates gave her. They had never scared her. It was more the fact that they were like animals in a zoo. It was horrible. She walked a bit too quickly past the other cells betraying her unease. She came to an abrupt stop when she reached his. It had been a goal of hers to figure out where his cell was from the begining, so she hadn't had any trouble finding it. "I just came to ask if you'd happen to know how this," she held up the card as proof of the gift, "got into my office. I'm sure the guards would like to know how you've been getting out of your cell."

Joker suddenly stopped pacing. He grinned, "Oh, you finally decided to come." He walked a bit closer to her stopping two feet from the wall of bulletproof glass. "Did you like it?" his eyes sparkled. No, she hadn't told on him and wasn't going to. He quickly scanned her up and down. She had long legs under a trim black skirt, a small waist, and such a beautiful chest. His gaze when to her face. Exquisite. Long eyelashes and her blonde bombshell hair. He felt hot, on fire. He burned with the need to touch her. Feel her. Have her. He clenched his fists. _Control it, Joker. _He was really losing it this time. This would be a worthy conquest. Maybe a bit of a challenge...

"I take it you're not going to tell me how you got out." She sighed, rolling her eyes a bit. It was obvious that he was looking her up and down, which was a little flattering. From what she'd heard, the Joker didn't waste much time on women.

He finally pulled his attention back to her eyes. Gorgeous eyes. He leaned forward slightly putting his hand on the side of his mouth like he was going to wispher something in her ear, his voice was low and soft, "It's a secret. I can't tell you here."

It was instinct to lean forward. She couldn't stop herself. He was hypnotizing. That was the best word for it. Ever since she had started down this career path she had been interested in the Joker's story and here he was offering to tell her secrets. Somehow, she managed to keep her facial features smooth. "Well, if that's all, I think I should be going." It was late. She wanted to get home. It would also be nice if he didn't want her to leave. If he tried to stop her.

His eyes suddenly lost their mischeivous look. He turned his head to the side slightly. He analyzed her expression. There was something underneath her words. "Leaving so soon?" He then turned around and headed toward his hard metal cot. He laid back easily, lounging like a tiger. He addressed the ceiling now, "Everyone always leaves." He gave a small sigh.

Maybe that was a bit too dramatic? Pity always worked well to his advantage though.

His heart beat in his chest faster than usual. If he could interest her just enough to make her want a private session he would have her.

Something in her heart gave a painful surge for him. So what if he was a psychopathic criminal? Everyone got lonely. That thought was only allowed a moment in her brain. She couldn't get too connected to any of the inmates. A little smile graced her lips as she started to walk away, "I'll be seeing you soon." It was a promise. No way were they going to deny her this patient.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The Joker had some work to do. He was let into the small office in a chains like a dangerous animal. They strapped him down to a chair. He chuckled. They were all afraid of him. His psychiatrist, a small man with brown hair, smiled and cleared his throat, "So, Joker, how are you today?"

The Joker smiled in response, "I would like to see Harleen Quinzel. Do you know where she is?" His tone was oddly pleasant as if he were talking about the weather.

The psychiatrist frowned. Perhaps he should just start over...he cleared his throat again, "What have you been thinking about lately?"

The Joker grinned even more. This was going to be so much fun. His voice turned mean in an instant. His mood shifted faster than a speeding bullet, "You have the most nasally voice I've ever heard. It's like a little monkey's. I can't really make out what you are saying. Did you ever have childhood issues? I'm sure you had some bullies. They must have picked on your unibrow. It's hideous. All furry. It's very similar to monkey hair. I think I see some acne over there too. Monkey's have acne on their asses though. Is your face your ass?" The Joker widened his eyes waiting for the response. The psychiatrist's face was red. He was going to explode. Delight flooded Joker's being.

Cha-ching!

One down.

"Harleen, please consider this." The ugly, old geezer pleaded, glancing oddly at the door. "I know you're new and all, but he will not shut up."  
She grinned a little, but easily turned that into a pleasant smile, "It's all right, I'm sure if he sees me once or twice he'll get over it." God she hoped not.  
"Thanks, Harleen. If anything weird happens, the body guards are on stand by." He walked away then. Probably to take a tranquilizer. He seemed a bit stressed out.  
She pushed the door open gently, notebook and pen gripped tightly in her hand. Her heart was hammering away again. They had him strapped down with a million chains. Was he really that dangerous? "Good afternoon. I hear you've been asking to see me." She had to stay professional.

The Joker wiggled in his straightjacket, "I'd love to shake your hand, but I can't really feel anything below my shoulders." He shrugged, the chains rattling like a maraca.

That almost cracked her mask. She wanted to laugh out loud, but that was against the rules. No laughing at his jokes. No sharp objects near him. Don't let him turn the tables. "So, what should I call you? Joker? Mister Joker?" She wasn't quite sure. No one knew his real name.

"Call me whatever you want," he smiled leaning forward. His eyes weren't black but a dark red-purple color. They clashed well with his green hair and pale skin.

Harleen swallowed the lump in her throat and sat down, crossing her legs at the knee. "Well, I think I'll stick with Mister Joker." She started to scribble on her notepad. "To start things off...Why do you want to speak with me so badly?"

His eyes traveled to her legs. Her skirt was shorter today. God. He felt the saliva pool in his mouth. He wanted to lick her. Everywhere. He swallowed. He needed to have her willing though which required waiting. Waiting was so hard. He kept his gaze on her long legs. His gaze flickered back to her divine face, "I think sex kitten would be a great name for you, harlequin. It seems so burlesque." His mischeivous smile was back.

Thank God she was used to jerks hitting on her. Not that he was a jerk. She was just so used to it that she didn't blush anymore. Well, the Joker got her to blush a little, but not enough to really make a difference. What had he just called her? "Did you just call me Harlequin?" It didn't make sense to her. This had to be a good thing to write down.

"Yeah. Harleen Quinzel. If you just shorten it to Harley-Quinn. Harlequin! The perfect companion for a clown. We have something in common." He smiled genuine this time. She was perfect, _his_ perfect goddess. He suddenly looked at the floor and then back at her. He seemed to be unsure of something.

Her pen moved frantically across her in common? They had a link! _Best selling book, here I come!_ She never even looked away from him while she was writing, "So, you think we have something in common? That's why you'd prefer to speak with me than Dr. Hayes?"

Joker nodded slowly, "Plus, sweet, you are much, much nicer to look at." He took a deep breath. He couldn't stop himself from saying it, "Could you say my name? Just once. Then we can chat." It was instinctive.

"Mister Joker?" It was more of a question because she didn't know what exactly he wanted her to call him. Talking to the Joker was like talking to a...a...she couldn't describe it. Put simply, it was very hard to keep up with him.

He sighed theatrically, "Joker is fine." If only she would scream it. He kept pushing the thoughts back. He had to follow the plan. Might as well embrace it, "How do you want to know me, Harley?"

His eyes glittered, a smile on his red lips.

"Well, considering the circumstances, I consider you a patient." She answered, her voice still somewhat informal. It would be nice to know his deepest, darkest secrets. But they would have to get to know each other first. Build a nice bridge of trust. "Now, I do believe I'm the one that's supposed to be asking questions. Anything you'd like to talk about?"

He laughed, "I want to talk about a lot. Perhaps, it's best if you ask me specific things. I don't think you are quite ready for me to talk about what I want." Oh, and how he wanted a lot.

A sweet smile was plastered to her face. She was always excellent at faking smiles. No one could tell she didn't mean them. "Well, why don't we start with something simple. Do you have any friends?" Did insane super villians have friends? What a lame question to start with...

He sighed. "No. They don't really like my clever mind. It makes them feel stupid." He smiled, "I'm just waiting for someone to laugh at the right time, you know?" _Trust me. Trust me. _If she would just fall into the trap.

Her smile became a little more genuine then. He was very witty and funny! No one else in this boring old place had even an ounce of comedy in their body. "Okay. Well, have you ever had someone you considered a friend?" There had to be someone! Anyone!

He shook his head, tossing the bright green hair out of his face. "No. I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me. I think perhaps people are a little, teensy bit frightened. I hear screams more than laughs when I go out." He ground a foot into the floor. Being modest was quite difficult. He wasn't used to trying so hard. He looked back at his angel, "But, I bet _you_ never have those problems. Jaws drop over you, don't they sweet?"

Her smile got even more natural. In her opinion, he wasn't as scary as the media made him out to be. Harley ignored his question though, not wanting to give him the oppurtunity to turn the tables. "What about your family?"

The Joker's face fell. His memories were fuzzy about his life before the incident. The chemicals made him forget most everything, even his own name. He had to create himself all over again. It was like being given a new life...with a few drawbacks. He met her eyes. She was curious but not overly eager like some of the other psychiatrists were. Plus, this would give her something to keep her coming back. He cleared his throat. His voice was quiet, "My father used to hit me a lot. He had a bad temper. And...well... my mother wasn't around a lot. Even when he did get violent...she used to just stand by and watch him. Her face was like a mask. He just hit me over and over again. I usually didn't even know what I did—what triggered it." He looked at the floor. "We went to this circus one time though and the clown. The clown made him laugh. I'd never seen him laugh before and I always tried to get him to do it again. It never worked. I can't...remember much more. Every thing is really hazy." He dug his fingers into the straight jacket's rough cloth. Anxious. He didn't like thinking about the past. He lived in the present. No future and no past.

Harleen couldn't help it. Her eyes started to water. She wiped at her eyes with her fingers quickly, pretending an eyelash had fallen in her eye. She thought she had been ready for everything. Obviously, she wasn't ready. As she was about to ask him more, there was a knock on the door. "Ms. Quinzel, time is up. We're coming in." It was those blasted body guards.

Joker's head whipped around. He growled under his breath. His anger boiling up from where he had kept it so carefully guarded. Stupid fucking guards. He turned back to Harley. His eyes pleading, "It can't be time just yet. We've just been talking for a few minutes." He was tense, every muscle tightened. He clenched his white teeth together hard. He wanted to kill them. He really did. His fingers were just itching to grip their necks and squeeze. He laughed out loud. That would be funny. He needed more time. He needed her to get enough so she would keep coming back again and again.

Harleen stood up quickly, not quite sure what to do. That laugh was so out of place. It was like he laughed to express every emotion. His laugh wasn't happy. It was full of exasperation and anger. "I'll make sure to have an appointment scheduled as soon as possible." She wanted to talk to him again. There wasn't enough to write her book yet. The guards came in then, one obviously looking her up and down under the excuse of making sure she was okay. Jerks.

The Joker clenched his teeth even harder. Now, he _really_ wanted to kill them. She was his. No one else should look at her like that. He took a deep breath and held it in. He tried to be calm. His mind spun and his vision was tinged with red. No. Nope. No chance. A guard placed a hand on his shoulder and mouthed a few words. He couldn't undersand them. His ears were ringing. He laughed again. Unable to stop it from bubbling out. He flexed his arms pulling trying to release them. It was an uncontrollable impulse. Instinct. He hated being bound and tied. He hated being controlled. He needed to control. He was starting to forget how it felt to be free.

Harley felt a terrible ache in her heart as they dragged him away. No human deserved to be treated like that. No one deserved to be abandoned. She was going to take up this case if it was the last thing she ever did. She was going to heal the Joker.

''''''''''''''''

Joker sat tapping his foot. Every tap created a little jingle. His ankles had huge shackles wrapped around them and chained to the floor. He was in a straight jacket still but at least he was able to actually move legs a bit. Stand up or sit down on his own. That was a very, **very** slight improvment. She must have said something to make them trust him. Oh, harlequin was such a _doll_.

Harleen walked into the room and sat down carefully in her chair. Wearing such short skirts had its risks. She smiled over at her favourite patient and asked, "How've you been, Mister Joker?"

The jingle made him think. His lust was running wild today. Uncontrollable. He wondered what she would look like when bound her hands together. Would she scream? He tried to think of something else. Her miniscule skirt didn't help him clear his mind. He grinned at her, "I'm just dandy. How about you, kitten? You look goregous today. I think every color must look fantastic on you." Oh yes. Flattery always worked well.

He took ever single chance to make a pass at her. The thing was, whenever he commented on her apperance it wasn't the same as when the jerks just stared at her. "Thank you. Now, about our last session. Before we were rudely interrupted, you were telling me about your parents. So, you tried to be a clown so that your father would love you? So that you could make him laugh?" That would explain so much.

Joker's thoughts quickly evaporated. His heart felt heavier. Oh. Back at this again. She really wanted to dig up the past. He had buried it so well! He despised being patient. He shrugged, no chains rattled this time. "I just wanted to make him laugh. Make him happy. Be a good son. It never was enough though. I was never good enough." His dark mauve eyes were examining the plain white wall. It was much easier talking mindlessly to a wall than to Harleen Quinzel. He was actually able to focus.

Her eyes were already watering again. Damn. She wanted to give him a hug. He needed one. That would be completely against the rules though. "Do you think Batman is like an extension of your father?" Batman was always defeating the Joker. Always making the Clown Prince of Crime feel like a failure. It must be hard to deal with that sort of pressure.

"NO!" The word came out too forcefully. His anger burst from the cage. The Joker snarled viciously. How dare she say that. Batman, the caked, good-for-nothing slimeball. He clenched his jaw trying to control his emotions. He suddenly deflated. He really should have been an actor. He was so good at it. "Batman. Has. Always. _Annoyed_. Me," He said the words carefully trying to keep his tone regular. Batman was a constant pain in the ass. His pride and sheer damn luck always had kept him from dying. It had been close though. It had been so very close.

She couldn't help but move back in her seat a bit. The next question had to be asked. It was good to push patients a little. Even if it was scary, it was good for them. "So, I guess that the rumors of you having a homoerotic crush on Batman are a load of crap." What crazy idiot had started those anyway?

That pushed him over. He suddenly exploded. He wripped his arms out of the straight jacket in one violent twist and screamed. "NO. YOU WANT TO SEE IF I'M A FAGGOT?!?" He yelled, his eyes bulging slightly. His gaze was cruel and slicing. His vision was completely red. He couldn't think any more. He wanted to rip something, beat something. His grin was insane. He cooled slightly as he reached for her. His hand held out, trying to grasp her skin or clothes. "Come here, angel. I can show you I'm not a fag." He said it softly, barely a whisper. He tried to take a step forward. He couldn't move his foot it was chained to the floor. He clenched his hands into fists. He was chained like a fucking animal. He looked at her again, his voice alluring, a seductive purr, "Come here, Harley. Come to me." Even muscle was tensed ready to spring on his prey. He was so angry he thought he would explode. The Joker had never really been insulted before. It was a wretched blow to his pride.

He needed violence. It always made him feel better.

Fear shot through her as he yelled. It was so sudden. She hadn't even meant to make him that angry. Her heart beat hard in her chest, her lungs tried to work. She couldn't move. For some reason, part of her wanted to run and the other part wanted to get closer. This way she was left in the middle. It was horrible. "Mr. Joker, I didn't mean to upset you..." Her voice was quiet.

His eyes widened and he laughed insanely. He stopped enough to choke out, "That's funny." And started laughing again. He wrapped his arms around his chest trying to keep his sides from spliting. He was going to die laughing. Oh, the irony.

Her eyes were wide as she finally took a step forward. That was probably a very foolish thing to do, but it was her instinct. She had to calm him down somehow. He was too dangerous like this. She didn't want to have to call security. It would be awful to see them hurt him. Another step closer to him. He could definitely reach her now.

He suddenly stopped. The Joker's mood shifted so quickly no one could ever keep up. "Are you accepting my offer, Harley?" His eyes suddenly were seriously. His pulse beat stronger. He kept his hands firmly clenched on his sides. If he touched her, he wouldn't be able to stop. She was too perfect. Her beautiful face was so close. She might not be so much of a challenge after all.

Now she was very confused. At least the fear was melting away a bit. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." She scrunched her eyebrows together and looked up at him carefully. Her body was still tense. She had to be ready for anything.

He looked down at her with excitement, "I'm straight. Very, very straight, darling." It was becoming harder and harder to control. He could smell her now. A sweet, fragrant scent filled his head. He needed her to touch him. She needed to trust him.

The fear was back, but this time it was different. He had the advantage at this point. The Joker was insane and powerful. She didn't stand a chance. Her breathing got a bit faster and her head started to spin. "I-I don't think so." She didn't want to upset him again, but wasn't about to lie to him. Lying would be worse.

He sighed, "Move then." He unclenched his hands. It should be easy to let her go. It wasn't. How could she **not **leap at him? _Give her a little while longer_, a voice told him. He really hated being patient. She wasn't moving. She was frozen in place. He shook his head, "Really, you should move now."

Her body wasn't listening to her brain. "I can't." She was scared now. Why couldn't she move!? Hadn't she learned something about this during her school years. Her brain wasn't even working enough to let her remember that. "I can't move." There was no fear in her voice, despite what she felt inside.

The Joker smirked, "I see." He did. So, clearly. Her panicked eyes told him exactly what he wanted to know. Her subconscious knew but her conscious was rebelling. Good. Things were going right on schedule. He suddenly sat down again. He grinned up at her, "I can only take one rejection a day, kitten. Your magic eight-ball says 'Try Again Later.' " He tsked, "Too bad for you."

Harleen backed up then, managing to sit down on her chair without looking. Her mind and heart were still racing. She couldn't make sense of this. Good thing she didn't have to. The guards rushed in then. "We heard the noise and - oh shit!" One exclaimed, looking at how the Joker had gotten out of the straight jacket. "Did he hurt you, Ms. Quinzel?"  
She didn't even get a chance to explain.  
"Hey, Clown!" The guard taunted. "What the hell did you do?"

Joker sat up gracefully. His face a mask. His voice was pleasant, "We were just talking weren't we, Miss Quinzel?" He turned to her and grinned, his white teeth almost matched his pale skin.

She nodded her head, quickly regaining her professional composure. "I was about to explain this to you, but you jumped to conclusions."  
"Why is his straight jacket all torn?" The other guard asked.  
Harley raised an eyebrow, "Oh. I didn't know that it wasn't supposed to be like that. That's how he came in." She didn't like lying, but the thought of them beating him up was worse. If her star patient was put in solitary, how was she going to get his secrets? And if they thought she was in danger they would never let her back on the case.

The Joker grinned even more. She lied. Hah. He was corrupting her. The guards came up to him. They were bullish and brawny but no brains. "Time to go, clown. You'll be in trouble for getting out of the straight jacket. Maybe they'll give you a metal one next time." The bigger one reached down and slid the key in the chain around his ankle. As soon as Joker heard the click he slammed his knee into the guards nose. He heard the crunch of the cartilage breaking. He'd really been wanting to do that for a long, long time.


	2. Insanity

Harleen slammed her brief case down on her desk, sending old papers flying everywhere. Thank God they hadn't removed her from the case. Damn them for putting him in solitary! He didn't deserve it! Wait...no...he had attacked a guard. He had almost attacked her. She put her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. Slowly she looked up and saw the collage of Joker clippings looking back at her. She had followed the case for some time. One picture seemed to be looking into her very core. She could have sworn she heard his voice in her ear. _Don't worry, kitten. They can't keep me in here long. _

Joker paced in his solitary confinement cell. He had sat still for too long and he was now getting bored. It was worth it though. That guard deserved it. He took a deep breath. Joker had always had problems with authority and they sure weren't going to get better. He checked his reflection in the glass. His bright green hair clashed with his surroundings. He was too full of color in such a dull place. His red lips and constantly upturned corners of his mouth made him so different. His arms were powerful and strong but not at all brawny. He had smooth muscle and no hair anywhere. The chemicals had made his skin pale and chalk-white. His long eyelashes framed the sinister eyes. His strong jaw and artistic nose made him seem more like a painting. Unreal. Although, Joker definitely preferred the imaginary to reality anyway.

After much convincing, Harleen had managed to get Joker out of his solitary confinement early. She had explained to the other psychiatrists that it would be detrimental to the progress they had made if he was kept by himself for too long. That was partly true, for she believed that Joker's real problem was not being able to express himself well around others. So, now they were going to have another session. The first since what she refers to as "The Incident".

The Joker was back in his straight-jacket and chains again. This straight-jacket was tight and confining. Made out of stronger stuff. Stronger, itchy, uncomfortable cloth that felt like sandpaper. Lovely. He would have some major skin abrasions now. He watched the door waiting for her to come in. He was excited. He loved looking at her being around her. She was like his drug.

She hadn't had that much time to get ready this morning, so today she was wearing much more casual clothes. A pair of tight-fitting blue jeans and a tank top. "Sorry I'm late, Mister Joker. She sat down quickly, pushing her hair out of her face.

"You have lovely shoulders," he said adoringly. Her skin seemed to glow. He always noticed the smallest details. His eyes met hers. She was...nervous? Yes. He remember last session. She should be. She should be very, very nervous. He couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face.

She smiled at him a bit before searching for a clean piece of paper to write on. Her notebook was already over flowing with information. When she finally did find one, she looked up at him, ready to ask a question. However, when she saw his face her mind went blank for a second. The pictures in her house had been talking to her. "Um...Why don't we start with something different today. Any suggestions?" Her brain had seriously just gone blank.

He shifted his shoulders, the chains rattled. "Why are you so organized, Harlequin? You play the good girl but inside it's a different story." He studied her every movement. He wanted to understand her. Easier to manipulate if you understood after all...plus there was something she was always hiding that fascinated him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She feigned a laugh. God, she had stayed up too late last night working on this case. Her average amount of sleep was dropping drastically. Today she had already consumed four cups of coffee, the fifth in her hand.

His eyes narrowed in annoyance, "You are the worst liar I've ever seen, kitten. You should practice more often. Not that you could ever fool me." He leaned forward looking at her intently. He could smell her again. A floral scent. What a sexy, blond bombshell. Her legs looked appetizing in her tight jeans. He wanted to pinch her cute nose.

She set her coffee cup down and let her notepad fall to the floor. Finally someone noticed how she really felt. How ironic was it that this person was certifiably and undeniably insane? "I'm just a little stressed right now."

He sat up straighter, "Really? Why would that be?" His voice was like honey, sweet and warm. She looked like she needed something. She really needed him. She just hadn't realized it yet.

"Not too much sleep." She really shouldn't be telling him these things. As the doctor, she was supposed to ask the questions. But, wouldn't there be more trust between them if she showed that she would tell him things? That way he would be more willing to tell her whatever he hadn't told other people.

He grimaced. She was going around in circles trying to avoid the question. Maybe he should go for the direct approach, "And, why haven't you been getting much sleep, Harley? Working too hard? It's always good to have some fun you know." He winked at her.

"I haven't been able to have to much fun lately." She grinned a little at Joker's antics. In fact, she hadn't had much time for anything else. No matter where she went, she felt like she was abandoning him. It was so horrible. She couldn't even go to the grocery store for very long. There was also another side to the question. She hadn't gone on a date in forever! No fun with any guy in such a long time. It was odd for her, because back in college she always had at least two boyfriends at a time.

"You should try it out, sweet." He grinned. She was a workaholic after all. Tsk tsk. He would have to cure her of that. He tapped his foot on the floor. The jingle have him another idea. " Why did you decide to go into psychology?" She should have done modeling. Maybe dancing. Yes..she seemed like a dancer.

"I've had a fascination with high profile cases since I was really young." She answered quickly without a thought. This might not have been the best thing to say, but too late now. "I guess I just wanted to see things from a different angle."

He laughed softly. Different angles. He could think of a few. "High profile cases? Like little old me?" He said teasing.

She rolled her eyes at him and teased right back, "You're the highest on the list." A little giggle escaped her lips before she could stop it. Her hand flew over her mouth as she tried to regain her doctor mask. How had he gotten her to admit stuff like this?

He smiled devilishly now. He felt his chest expand. Ah. Yes. He was cracking her piece by piece. "Yes, I know. Cute of you to think of me." He shook his green hair out of his eyes. The Clown King of Crime was the best after all.

A very faint blush started to spread across her cheeks again. She pretended to be flipping through the pages of her notebook, looking over her older notes. However, during this she was actually stealing glances at his face. His perfectly white skin and ruby lips. Was his skin soft or dry? Did the chemicals leave it dying or preserve it?

He raised an eyebrow. Her face told him so much. Her body language too. She was really terrible at trying to hide things. "Find something interesting, kitten?" his voice was soft tinged with a dangerous edge. He was going to incinerate her good girl exterior...if it was the last thing he ever did. He promised. _Cross my heart and hope to die._

The blush got a bit deeper. "I was just.." She couldn't go back down now. The words had already started coming out. "About your skin." It sounded so odd out loud. This was so embarrassing. His skin must be a tough spot for him, because it was one of the things that made him so different. He probably got harassed about it so much.

He shrugged, the chains jingled reminding him of a holiday tune. "What about it?" he said _almost _uninterested. He looked at her expressionless. His heart pounded a bit harder. Her blush covered her cheeks in the most adorable way. He wondered if she blushed all over.

"I...was wondering if I could touch it?" It was more of a question than a statement. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. This seemed like such an insane thing to her, but she really wanted to do this. It was driving her insane not knowing what his face felt like.

He smiled, his eyes sparkled mischievously. "Why of course, Harley. Your wish, my desire." He leaned forward slightly unable to help himself. She was so beautiful; he could look at her all day. Her lips were exactly right and her eyes were a gorgeous sky blue. He hadn't seen the sky in a very long time. But, now he could. His heart accelerated a bit more. Her floral scent was intoxicating.

Harley walked forward, forcing her feet to keep moving. Mind over matter. Will over instinct. She sat down carefully on the small empty space on the couch. Her hand slowly moved forward, heading towards his cheek. Her mind went wild. What would if feel like? Did she really want to know? Would it ruin her imagination? "Are you sure?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes," he said quietly. He turned his face toward her hand. Then he froze still as a statue. He didn't want to frighten her away. His heart pumped wildly in his chest and he was feverishly hot.

Harley forced her hand onward. She let out just a little gasp as she felt his skin. It was so soft. Just like she thought it would be. The chemicals hadn't destroyed it, but kept it young. Her fingers traced over his bones, marveling at the amazing structure. It was so wild and unique.

He thought he would literally explode when she touched him. Her hand barely brushing his skin. If his arms hadn't been trapped in the straight jacket he would have grabbed her. She was so close. He met her eyes with his. She seemed in a daze. "Kiss me, Harley," he whispered.

Her body leaned forward of it's own accord, her mind swimming in a haze. Everything in the room was spinning except for the couch. She ran one of her hands through his hair slowly, moving closer inch by inch. Her heart was pounding faster and harder as her face heated up. Her whole body was heating up. Then, in one moment she had kissed him. Nothing serious. No, it was one of those kisses that meant more than a make out session. It was a "first kiss" type of kiss.

He flexed the muscles in his arm straining against the material. He wanted to touch her so badly. He kissed her softly a first. Lips barely brushing. Then he leaned forward deepening into the kiss. His tongue traced her perfect, pink bottom lip. She tasted so good. Delicious. His lips were manipulating, carefully shifting between dominating and aggressive and sweet. He wanted to make her breathless. He wanted to hear her moan. Feel her give in.

There wasn't even any thinking involved. She just let go and kissed him back, hands moving to touch ever inch of exposed skin, which wasn't very much. Her breathing became a little faster as the kissing continued. Her hair came down out of it's loose ponytail. She found herself wishing he didn't have the damn chains or the stupid straight jacket on.

Just when Harley had finally touched his tongue with hers, Joker heard a knock. He wanted to ignore it. Maybe he was hearing things. He really, really hoped so. But, the knock happened again and he heard a muted voice through the door, "Miss Quinzel?" He growled in the back of his throat. Not now. Not Now.

Harleen practically flew away from the Joker, quickly pulling her hair back up and smoothing down her clothes. Then she took a few seconds to catch her breath. Finally, when her face had cooled down a bit, she opened the door. "Sorry about keeping you waiting. I had to put my things on my desk." As the guards took the Joker away she smiled sweetly at him, hoping to see him soon. She caught her heart fluttering and didn't know what to do. Was she seriously falling in love? No. That was impossible.

The Joker said nothing as the guards took him away. He just looked at Harley as if his life depended on it. He was afraid if he'd open his mouth he would super nova. How dare they take him away just when she was just realizing it. He needed more time with her. He had never reacted so much to someone. She looked delectable. Her hair still falling down strands of it caught under her collar. She was gorgeous. Femme Fatale. Naturally seductive some called it. He called it talent.

Just before the Joker went around the corner, a more insane part of her took over and blew a goofy little kiss. She rushed back to her purse, feeling a painful emotion run through her veins. It was a mix of longing, shock, and excitement. Imagine writing this in her book. No, she couldn't. Maybe she shouldn't even write the book. Could she betray him like that?

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

This room was so horrible. All the inmates were being watched by at least one guard each, weights chained to their feet. The food looked less than edible. She wrinkled her nose, leaning against the wall gently. Today, she had had more time in the morning, so she was in her normal uniform. Why was it that every doctor had to serve in the cafeteria once in a while? It was so depressing.

His guard had forced him to sit down at an empty table and then chained his ankles to a steel ring on the floor. His straight jacket was off which was nice. He rolled his shoulders. It felt nice to be able to do that again. He looked mournfully at his slop. It seemed to be radioactive and he had had enough of radioactivity to last a lifetime and beyond. The other inmates seemed to avoid him. Good. They should. That would be safer for everyone. He ran a hand through his shining emerald hair. Damn. Why did they think this would be beneficial? He would prefer to have time in his cell. Alone. He didn't like people. Only one person and she would never be in the cafeteria with the inmates. Shit. He jiggled his plate watching the slop slide from one side to another. Until he suddenly felt something. A tingling. She _was_ here after all. He looked up and spotted her easily. She was gorgeously sexy like always. He smiled. This wouldn't be so bad after all.

Harley looked around the room bored, trying to keep interested in what was going on. Watching criminal interaction was supposed to be a learning experience. None of them really interacted. Then she spotted him. Her heart beat a little faster and a weight seemed to be lifted off her shoulders. He was sitting alone. Maybe she should go visit him. She started moving his way when another inmate stepped in front of her. One she hadn't talked to before.

"Hey, babyface. I have a riddle for you." The tall inmate said. The Riddler loved his games. He chuckled, "Who's classically dashing, witty, and made for you??" He was tall and his riddles were stupid. Even a dumb ass could tell him the answer before he got the first word from his fucked up mouth. Joker watched closely. He shoved his hand in his pocket.

Harleen looked at him blankly, the smile wiped completely off of her face, "I believe my answer would not be the one you're looking for." She tried to move past him, but found her way blocked. "Please excuse me, sir." Damn. Not good.

The Riddler frowned, "I'll give you some more hints. How about what's green and goes boom??" He couldn't wait for the answer, "Me, of course! I think you should kiss me for that!" He grabbed her roughly by the neck and leaned down. Suddenly the Joker was right beside him. He had never been more angry in his life. His vision was red and hazy. His blood pounded furiously through his veins. "GET AWAY FROM HER, BASTARD," he screamed, laughing hysterically. The Riddler shoved Harley away forcefully and turned toward his attacker. The Joker barely felt himself move as he shoved the small letter opener into the Riddler's side. Blood spurted out dripping onto Joker's hand. He gripped a pale, white hand around the man's neck. He was still laughing madly. The room was out of focus, a blur. Uncontrollable. He leaned close to the man's ear, "Never, ever touch her or you **will **die, I promise." He twisted his hand that still gripped the letter opener in the man's side and he heard a bloodcurdling scream. Good. Good. He laughed crazily satisfied.

A small scream flew from Harley's lips as her head flew into the floor. She hit the ground hard. Her skull felt like it was going to split open. The only thing she could see was a hazy gray, blood-flecked floor, which was turning black at the edges. The only thing she could hear was laughter. "Joker?" She asked, her voice only a whisper. Slowly, she lost consciousness, slipping into the warm darkness.

Joker paced his solitary confinement cell. He was back in a straight jacket again. A heavy duty one. They made him change his clothes and wash his hands to get all the blood off. He leaned back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He hoped the Riddler would die. They had rushed him out in a stretcher which sounded hopeful. He'd lost a lot of blood. Needless to say the cafeteria was evacuated. They had to clean up the mess. His stomach growled. Man, he was hungry. His thoughts circled back to Harley. He hoped she was all right. He hadn't really seen her after the Riddler pushed her. She should be fine though, right? But...shouldn't he have heard her. She would have said something. Done something. She wasn't one to stand around. He had a empty feeling in his gut. Shit.

Harley woke up in the hospital that afternoon. It had been so confusing. She had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there. What had really freaked her out though, was how her senses slowly came back. At first she was so warm, then the cold slowly came back around her. The world was so cold. There were so many people around her, asking if she was all right. Her answers became automatic. Finally she got to talk to Dr. Leland. "What happened after I passed out?" As she was told the story, her heart fluttered a bit. She couldn't believe he had done that for her. It was demented in a way, for sure, but it reminded her of a crush.  
According to the medical staff she had a minor concussion and would be staying there two more days just in case. After everyone had left she pulled out her purse quickly, digging around for his picture. She missed him already.

A psychiatrist came to the small window in his prison. It was the head one. The woman. He couldn't remember her name. Only that he drove her crazy in their sessions. He didn't move just looked at her as she stared at him. She seemed puzzled, "Why did you do it?" He ignored her, but his thoughts about Harley were forcing their way back into his mind. He said it without thinking, "Where is Harleen?" The psychiatrist kept her mouth wisely closed. A minute or so passed. The Joker was tired of being stared at. He didn't back down from her gaze though. He met it confidently. She spoke again, "That is the first we have ever seen of you doing something for someone else. Why would that be?" The Joker blinked. He hadn't even thought of that. How did _she_ think of that? He kept his eyes on hers. His thoughts whirling in his head. He did do something for her. But..he couldn't just let the Riddler make her do something she didn't want to. He felt livid when he thought of someone else touching her. Harley was _his_. His only. He stabbed the Riddler to make that crystal clear.

Finally, Harley was allowed to go back to her apartment. The first thing she did was find a nice frame for that picture. That way it wouldn't get as banged up and wrinkled. She started to carry it around with her as a representation of him. It made her feel safe and not as lonely. She took it everywhere she went, turning it around if she didn't want him to see something. Every free moment of her time was focused on this case. No, she wasn't writing a book anymore. This was about more than a book. This was about saving him. About fixing him. How dare they lock him in that damn cell! He had just been protecting her!

The psychiatrist thankfully couldn't read his mind. "I'll be watching," she said as she turned around and walked away. His gaze flickered up to the security camera whose eerie red light blinked every few seconds. It was a reminder. He was always being watched. He loved being the center spotlight though. That's when he really shined.

Harley laid down on her bed, holding the photograph close to her chest. "You don't think I'm crazy. Do you, Mister Joker?" She asked it. There was a response. There always was. She nodded and smiled, not able to fall asleep.


	3. The Escape

**Authors' Note: **I would like to apologize in advance, dear readers. This FanFiction is currently saved on my computer in one huge file and splitting it up is not an easy task. It's not finished but I'd like to think we are a little over halfway done. It's a long story. Please be patient with me (Katie) as I attempt to get it into chapters. It will take me a little while. Comments and intelligent criticism are appreciated. Please review if you enjoy it. :)

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He sighed. He was very tired of sitting. Impatient Joker. He grinned to himself as he smashed the security camera. He had thirty seconds. Plenty of time. _Abracadabra_. Oh wait. That's a magician...close enough. The alarm bell started to ring merrily. Music to his ears.

Harley got up, frustrated. Why couldn't she sleep? Was it because she hadn't seen him? No. That couldn't be right. But it was. It was getting hot in her room. She quickly changed into some cotton shorts and plain t-shirt. Her phone buzzed in her purse. Who would be calling her at this hour? She picked up and heard Leland's voice. "He's escaped." She knew what that meant. "We think he might be coming to see you. Harley, are you okay?"  
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry. I'll call if anything happens." She closed her phone and dropped it back into her bag

The Joker breathed the fresh night air. How wonderful it was to see the stars peeking out of the dark clouds again. He was a free man. He'd first gone to one of his old hideouts that he knew hadn't been compromised...probably one of the last ones that old Batsy didn't know about. An abandoned toy factory in Gotham's ghetto. He'd opened his trunk and dusted off his suit. The purple looked so dashing compared to the straight jacket. He tied his green tie effortlessly and slipped into some shoes. He felt so light without all the chains as if he was floating on air. He whistled as he picked up the file he had managed to snatch from the record room. He opened it and read slowly out loud, "Harleen Quinzel. Blond. Blue eyes. 5'5". Address..." He put a pale finger on the label and shut the file. He was on his way.

Harley was curled into a little ball on her bed, worried sick. What if the police picked him up? What if he got badly hurt? That would be so horrible. She shivered at the thought. Poor Pooh, out there in the cold all alone.

The Joker climbed up the outside of the building. Apartment number 305 it said. Piece of cake. He reached her window and knocked. His fingers tapping a rhythm on her window. He saw a light on and knew she must be here. That was good.

The sudden noise sent Harley's heart beating at a marathon pace and her mind spinning in circles. She got up and walked towards her window, looking through it cautiously. It was him! She shoved it open with some effort and stepped back a little. What did she do know? Part of her wanted to jump him as soon as he came into the room. The other part wanted to rush to her cell phone. "Joker?"

He grinned and easily lifted himself though her window into her room. "Did you miss me, Harlequin? I missed you," he said it teasingly but his eyes were serious. He looked her from head to toe. Her hair was down and tangled and she had huge bags under her amazing eyes. He put his hands on both cheeks, framing her face. "Did he hurt you? What happened? I don't remember much," he said softly.

She leaned into his touch gently. "He pushed me. I hit the floor and then I don't remember much. I woke up in the hospital." Her eyes closed for a second, then opened slowly. "Thanks." She looked him over quickly, to make sure he was okay from his run. He was more than okay. His suit looked stunning on him. So much better than those rags they dress the patients in.

He ran his right hand through her hair touching her scalp gently. She winced when he touched the spot where her head had collided against the floor. His eyes suddenly became hard. Anger poured through him. "Not completely unscathed are we, angel?" he said viciously spitting the words out. He really really really hoped the Riddler died a terrible painful death. He would be sure it happened. The Joker felt disgusted that he had even touched her. "I would love to break something," he confessed speaking the thought out loud. Breaking things always made him feel so much better.

Despite the instinct telling her to run, her heart made her stay. He needed someone just as much as she did. He was just as alone. Gently, she took his other hand, holding it with both of hers. It was so cold. "I'll be fine." _Thanks to you,_ she added silently.

He suddenly felt too close. He pulled away. Sitting down on her bed. He laid back. He hadn't slept in a very long time and he didn't plan on it anytime soon. He sighed and pressed his nose to the sheet. It smelled like her. That scent again drove him insane. He looked back at her, "You know, villains are really good people to hang out with. Danger and excitement is always over the rainbow." It wasn't helping him that her legs were bare and breathtaking. It was distracting and he was easily distracted.

She smiled at him, sitting down on the other side of her bed. "God, I'd lose my job in a second if they knew about this." She then noticed that the framed picture was still on her bed. With a blush forming suddenly, she snatched the picture away, trying to find a good place to put it. It would not be good if he found out she kept a framed picture of him with her at all times.

His curiosity was more intrigued by her expression. He needed to teach her a few things about hiding things. He sat up scooting closer toward her. "Let me see it," his request was more of a command than anything else. He reached for the picture, his hand circling around her small wrist.

With a blush creeping across her cheeks, she held the portrait out to him. The back of the frame was facing him, so he wasn't able to see it quite yet. She looked at the picture, feeling more embarrassed than she could ever remember. Her fingers loosened on the frame and she felt the weight leave her hands. Please, don't let him think she was crazy. How ironic.

He took the picture almost jerking it out of her hands in haste. It was of him. How darling! He touched a finger to the glass and he looked at her from under his eyelashes. "So...do you keep this to stimulate ideas?" He said it easily, his voice rich with suppressed laughter. He had stimulated a few ideas. She was so crazy. Perfect little Harlequin. He smiled.

She felt her face go ten shades of red darker, "No! I don't do that!" Harley turned, pretending to look at something, so that she could hide her face behind a curtain of hair. She crossed her arms over her chest, an obvious body language sign that meant she felt uncomfortable. "I just like having it around. That's all!"

He grinned, "So, you like having me around? I like having you around too, kitten!" He set the picture on her nightstand and got up moving toward the kitchen. He looked out of place in such normal, boring surroundings. He opened the refrigerator. He had gone without food for a long, long time and even the Joker had to eat. He really wanted a pie, badly. However, the alcohol looked quite nice too. He grabbed a whole bottle and ripped the top off. He hadn't had any drink in what seemed like all _eternity_.

Harley looked over in the direction of the kitchen. The bottle had made a distinct popping noise. She smiled a bit to herself. That wine had been sitting in there forever, because she hadn't had anyone to drink it with. She didn't like drinking wine by herself. It always seemed so sad. She sauntered into the kitchen, hips swinging back and forth. "No booze at Arkham. God that would suck." She liked to have her wine every now and then.

He grinned at her and put the bottle to his lips. It tasted good. Really really good. He felt the sweet, warm liquid travel all the way down to his stomach. He held the bottle out to her, "It does suck. It's always nice to get drunk sometimes. I'm not held accountable for my actions then." Losing control was fun when he was drunk. Everything always became a blur. His stomach growled. He cleared his throat, "Got any food?"

"Yeah." She grabbed the bottle and took a swig. Pink wine was sweet. It was so much nicer than nasty biter red wine. She bent over while she looked in her fridge for something sweet. Without turning around or standing up she said, "Do you want ice cream, pie, or cake?" She had a ton of junk food. People were always surprised because she was so skinny. Well, she ate it, just not that fast.

He leaned over the refrigerator his arm touching hers. "Oh. You do have pie after all. What kind?"

"Chocolate creme pie." She answered, grinning over at him. Harley took another gulp from the bottle, getting the pie with her other hand. This was getting fun! Another giggle escaped her lips. So what if those stupid tight-wads at Arkham found out about this! This was so worth it!

He took the pie from her and grabbed her hand pulling her back to the bed. She didn't hold her liquor well. He laughed. Just fine with him. Easier to take advantage of someone drunk. He sat down on the bed pulling her with him. The pie was tipping precariously.

She fell into another fit of giggles, landing half-way on his lap, the bottle still clenched tightly in her hand. Harley held it up to his lips, waiting for him to tip back his chin so that she could pour the wine into his mouth. This was all like a dream she had once, which was kind of disturbing in a way. She couldn't think of anything intelligent to say. Anything that she thought of sounded really stupid.

He tipped his head back complying but not drinking much. He stuck a finger in the whipped topping of the pie and tasted it. Mm. Creme. He got another fingerful and put it on her cute, button nose. "Hold still," he commanded softly leaning forward. His tongue touched her nose and licked off the sugar. Much, much better.

Harley laughed, leaning forward when he was done. She paused for a second, losing the giddy look, only to have it replaced with a much more serious one. God, she wanted to kiss him so badly. Would he want her to? Would that be okay? She bit her lip a bit, a sign that most people would realize meant a kiss was coming. He should get it. He was smarter than most people.

He set the pie down on the overloaded nightable shoving his picture toward the side. He put both hands on her neck and pulled her forward roughly gluing his lips to her. His heart sped up rapidly pounding in his chest. He was really hot. Everywhere. Burning up. He traced her gorgeous lips with his tongue. Damn she tasted so good.

Her lips parted obediently as her hands searched out his skin. Damn. He was wearing like fifty layers of clothes! She let her fingers brush against his shoulders as she tugged at his jacket, finally letting it drop to the floor when it was off. Next came the tie. She flung it across the room, wrapping her legs around his waist. God he was amazing kisser. No one would ever believer her if she told them, but it was true.

His hands slid up her long legs. She was warm and absolutely glowing. Her hair was like sunlight. He wanted her so badly. His hands skimmed up her waist pulling her shirt up. His touch was light on her stomach. Her skin was so smooth. Perfect. She was perfect for him. He was going to die of pleasure. His tongue tangled with hers driving him mad. He was losing control. His hands were shaking with the effort to hold back. He gripped her closer to him. Her shirt was almost off. He wanted to see her all of her. Now.

Next came his button down shirt. That was fairly easy to get off. She ran her fingers along the truly marble colored skin. It was so soft, yet strong. Every muscle was toned and there was no excess fat to spare. The next article of clothing wasn't as easy to get off. His pants took a little effort, so they had to switch positions. He was on top of her now, which suited her just fine.

The Joker had to tear his mouth away to get her shirt over her arms. Her bra was black and lacy at the top. He pulled her up just enough so he could reach behind and unhook it. He threw it across the room and took a moment to admire her. He groaned, "Harlequin." He took her firm breast in his hand and felt her nipples tighten. He skimmed his lips across her collarbone working his way up her neck to her ear. He took her earlobe in his teeth and pulled gently. Explosion was imminent.

She moaned, arching her back so that her hips were pushed forward. It was instinct. Off in the distance she heard her stupid cell phone ring. Well, damn it, it was just going to have to ring. Her hands traveled all over his body, finally coming to his hips. God, it was so hot in here. She was burning up. After a small internal debate, she pulled her arms back up to his shoulders, not wanting to take of his boxers just yet. Too soon. Instead, she pulled him closer to her, finally letting their hips touch.

He pressed his weight against her pinning her to the mattress. The fucking phone was being ignored completely. He ground his hips against her anticipating. He touched the tip of his tongue to her breast. She tasted so good. Amazingly good and he was very, very hungry. He reached for the pie accidentally putting his hand in it. He looked up at her and grinned. He smeared his hand from her lovely shoulder down to the waistband of her shorts. He then began to lick it off starting at the bottom and working his way up. He paused flicking his tongue in her belly button than continued. Mmm. So yummy.

Breathing was becoming so difficult. Focusing on anything but the sensation of touch was mind-blowingly hard. She couldn't even hear her own moans anymore. All she could think about was his skin on hers. His tongue tracing patterns on her stomach and chest. The phone wasn't even audible to her ears anymore. She arched her stomach towards him, wanting more and more. The tension was coiling inside of her like a spring. Any second now that tension was going to snap.

He chuckled. She was moving fast. Once, he had finally gotten all the cream and chocolate off of her he reached for the almost finished bottle of wine drinking a huge swallow before pressing it to her lips. "Bottom's up, sweet." His voice was low and dangerous. He was getting a pleasant buzz now.

She did as she was told, gulping down the rest of the wine. Her mind was on fire, buzzing with way too much stimuli. Everything was moving and heated. Everything was alive. An insane giggle escaped her lips as she kissed him as passionately as she could. Then, everything started to dim at the edges. Things were fading back to darkness. Her eyes drooped slowly. Then, before she could realize what was happening, she was asleep, passed out from the alcohol.

He watched her eyes closed, confused. Realization suddenly dawned. "Harley, wake up," he patted her cheek and shook her head back and forth but she was gone. Into her dreams. He growled in frustration and peeled himself off of her. His body was throbbing with the need to have her. He slowly reached for the waistband of her shorts and pulled them down. He underwear matched her bra. He pulled those off as well and just looked. She was really perfect everywhere. He sighed and stood up stiffly pulling the covers down. He picked her up and tucked her underneath them. He shuffled to her shower and turned the water on freezing cold. He winced as the ice water touched him. There was no other way he could cool off though. He was too hot. He shampooed with the "sultry rose" shampoo and washed off. A few minutes later he was pulling back on his purple suit. He looked at her, pressing his red lips to her eyebrow. "Sweet dreams, angel." He walked out of the door and closed it. He had henchmen to hire.

The next day, Harley woke up slowly. Her head felt like it was going to explode. That would be so messy. She gripped it tightly, massaging her temples. "Shit..." Her voice was hoarse. She sat up in her bed, the covers flying off of her. It took her a good two minutes to realize why she was so cold. Then, she had to think about why she didn't have clothes on. Once she finally did connect the dots in her brain her damaged voice threw four words into the air, "Oh. My. Fucking. God!" They couldn't have _done_ it could they? She was hyperventilating, unable to get enough air. Everything was so clear in her memory, up until the point she passed out of course. Her phone interrupted her thoughts, the ringtone never sounding so annoying. It was Leland, calling to make sure she was okay. She said she was just a little sick and that she had to go. God, this was so bad. Harley didn't think they had sex though. For one thing there was this longing still resting in the pit of her stomach, waiting for their next meeting. Damn it. How could her just leave her like this!

The Joker had walked the streets like a proud peacock that night. He felt high like he was walking on clouds. He'd almost seduced her completely and she would have given in He'd visited the leader of the Underworld Gotham gang and had set up a meeting where he could meet the criminals he was going to be hiring. Everything was going according to plan. He was in the abandoned toy factory just now drawing a new plan. This one was pure genius. Who would have ever thought of a hanging by a yo-yo? It was comic genius.

As the days went by, Harley sort of slipped further and further into a form of insanity. She couldn't name it. All she knew was that she was worried out of her mind. She had started smoking again. Usually she just had one or two cigarettes and didn't want one for a while. Now she was using about a pack a day. It was horrible. She would only smoke at home though, so that no one would smell the ash. The worst part was that no one even noticed. They thought was was perfectly fine. The idiots. He would've been able to tell she wasn't okay. He knew her better than anyone. If only he would come see her again so that she'd know he was alright. It was horrible only being able to hear about him on the news. The picture was now residing in her purse, so that she could look at it where ever and when ever she needed to.

Joker walked into the bar from the back entrance. He went directly to the private room. The room was small and the large table barely fit especially because almost every seat was full. The leader of the gang, a pudgy, sinister looking man with a cigar stood up, "Welcome, Joker. Glad you could make it. You're just in time." Suddenly the men pulled out guns. Every single one of the trained on the Joker. The man smiled, "Sorry, but we just can't have you stealing all our stuff. So..." The Joker's back tensed as he heard the one voice he hated the most in the world. "Joker, you are coming with me." They had turned him into Batman. BATMAN. Fuck. He turned around and faced Batman with an insane grin. "How terrible to see you, Batsy." Hate and anger poured through him like a tornado. He laughed harshly and swung a fist. It connected nicely with Batman's nasty face. But, Joker hadn't seen Batman holding a pipe which he knocked against the back of Joker's head with force.

The last thing Joker saw were bright colors before everything melted away.


	4. Reversal

Harley had just been sitting at her desk, reading the paper (the headline was Joker Still At Large), when she heard a ton of loud noises coming from down the hall. She ran out of her office, wondering if someone else had escaped. A copy cat attempt. There were a ton of police everywhere, surrounded by doctors. She pushed through them all and gasped at what she saw. Her Joker was hanging limply by the collar, held up by Batman. Tears poured out of her eyes as he saw that damn bat's hand loosening it's grip. He was going to drop Joker on the hard floor! She fell to her knees, catching Joker carefully in her arms, cradling him against her chest. The tears wouldn't stop. She was relieved that he was alive, that he was back. But, he was in such a bad condition. He was stuck back in these walls again! Harley looked up at Batman sharply, giving him the dirtiest look she could muster. The shock on his face was hilarious. She looked back down at her half-lover and whimpered, "Joker?" Maybe he was conscious enough to hear her.

He was out.

He woke up in a cell. He was in a straight jacket and in the familiar Arkham inmate clothes that were worn and uncomfortable. He stared at the ceiling not wanting to get up. He really would rather die than be here. But, suddenly the Joker thought of something. _Harley_. Of course. She would be here back in work now. He hadn't seen her in a few days and oddly missed her. Well..not really missed her just missed looking at her. She was nice to look at especially with no clothes. He didn't move from his bed but just thinking about it made him excited again. He then started to remember what happened. He'd been betrayed and Battie had taken him back to hell-on-earth. His deep hatred was violent. He wanted Batman's death to be slow and excruciatingly painful.

"Please! You have to let me see him!" Harley argued her case, presenting all her work to Dr. Leland.

The older woman looked over the work, then turned her eyes back to the young woman, "Harleen, I'm not sure this is a good idea. He's too volatile right now. After he gets caught by Batman he becomes even more violent and angry." Not to mention the Joker seemed to have odd feelings about Harleen. It was too risky.

"Call me Harley, Dr. Leland." She had been telling everyone to do that. It suited her better. "Now, if you notice all my data suggest that Joker just needs to talk to someone he trusts! If he is removed from my presence for too long, he'll revert to his old ways! We can't let that happen, not when he's making so much progress."  
It took a lot more convincing than that, but she managed to get another session scheduled. It was in three days. Three agonizingly long days. When she was back in her office she pulled the picture out of her purse, holding it tightly in her arms. All she had to do was live through three more days without his voice. Her imagination could hold her for that long.

He was led out of his cell by three guards. The chains around his ankles were heavy and made it hard for him to walk. Every step was a gargantuan effort. They refused to tell him where he was going. Finally they took him to a heavy security room. No windows just one door that could be bolted from the outside and had fifty billion locks. He was lead into the room and chained to the floor. He could barely move. He sighed, deflated. Another session. Would they let Harley see him? He hadn't seen her in what seemed like forever. It was painful just thinking about it. He shook his head trying to be numb again. He was getting way too attached. His thoughts returned back to ways he could kill Batman. There were **endless** possibilities.

Harley walked into the room moments later. She was wearing a nice mini-dress today and some sort of hooker-ish shoes. The heels clicked on the cement floor as she walked over to her chair, which was right in front of him. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest. All the desire was pooling in the pit of her stomach, like there had been no time between then and now. Thank God the room's camera didn't have audio. No need for introductions. She couldn't stand to see him covered in chains. He hadn't done anything but try to live a free life! "How do I get those damn things off?"

The guards thankfully had left by the time she uttered her words. He grinned, "Harley! I missed you. You gorgeous girl." She had already started trying to get his straight jacket off. He frowned, "Kitten, there's a camera..." He always loved the dangerous excitement of doing things right under people's noses.

"I'm just gonna take the tape out later, Puddin'." She paused for a second. Where had that name come from? No matter, she kept going. "Besides, it's not streamed directly to a tv, so no one's going to be watching. It's my job to give the tape to people to review." She grinned, carefully placing the chains on the floor. They rattled a bit. Thank God this cell was pretty much sound proof. She was getting closer and closer to him every second.

Smart, smart girl. His smile was back. "We've only got an hour. A lot can happen in an hour," his voice became smugly masculine. This was going to be fun. She was struggling with undoing his straight jacket. He'd watched them put it on so many times it was easy to tell her how to get it off. Once she finally pulled his last arm free he ripped it over his head. His desire was strong and running wild. He stood up and grabbed her shoving her against the wall. He kissed her well ravishing her thoroughly. God, she was addicting. His brand of venom.

Harley was already moaning in his ear, trying not to be too loud. That goal was soon lost as her moans got louder and louder. She was so glad this room was sound proof. If the guards heard anything odd she would have been in so much trouble. Good news! The Arkham rags were much easier to get off than his full-blown costume. She marveled at his amazing skin, tracing patterns across his chest. So uniquely beautiful.

He pulled her hair free from its entrapment. He didn't like it up. It covered up her bad girl side. He pressed his nose into her hair. The sent was intoxicating. He kissed fragile jaw line while cupping her breasts. He really wanted to rip all her clothes off. He was losing it. Really. He lifted her slightly so their hips matched. His hardness invading her. He ran his hands down her arms to her wrists. She was so beautiful. He raised them above her head. "Keep them there." He started pulling down the straps of her summery dress. He wanted it her right then up against the wall. His hands were shaking with the effort of trying to hold back. He couldn't rip anything...she would be found out. He growled in frustration.

She stood almost perfectly still, not daring to move. He might get angry. Obviously he was trying to figure something out, So, she leaned in a busied herself by kissing his neck. His skin was so soft. Even softer than hers! It had to be the best thing she had ever kissed. And boy had she kissed a lot of things in the past. Her breathing was getting more erratic as she pressed herself against him. She started to move her hips back and forth. Everything was spinning again.

He groaned when she moved against him. Rubbing a very throbbing, sensitive place. He was going to melt and die. He finally gave up and kissed her again harder. His lips bruising. He suddenly slowed. Everything was too frantic and too fast. He wanted the first time to be slower. He wanted her to beg him to finish it. However, they didn't have enough time. He tore his mouth away and spared a glance toward the clock. Shit. They had five minutes now. Shit shit shit. He pressed his forehead against hers trying to calm himself down. She was still pressed against him which wasn't helping at all. He could feel her warm skin, her breasts rubbing scandalously against his bare chest. Her hips, her long legs, bare arms, beautiful shoulders. Her eyes were a murky blue. She looked dazzled. He smiled and pressed his lips to hers again. He loved kissing her.

Harley had no clue what time it was, nor did she really care. He would take care of everything. When it was time to stop, they would stop. God, what was she going to tell the others she had found out? Well, she could always make up a story. He had said before that he sometimes didn't know what was right about his past and what was wrong. She was still breathing heavily, gasping for air between kisses. Then, they had to stop. It was horrible, but they had to. It would take a few minutes to get all his chains and stuff on correctly and to calm down. She already couldn't wait for their next session.

He finally stepped back, setting her back on her feet as if she were a breakable doll. He moved back and sat down in the chair pulling on the straight jacket resigned. He sighed heavily and looked at her. She looked completely dirty. He grinned. "We'll get to the final act one day, Harlequin. Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging." He laughed softly. He was so unbearably hot and stiff. When he finally had her it would be like rocketing to the moon he was sure. You'd think that after coming so close twice he would get tired of it but it only made him more obsessed with finally consecrating.

She grinned and giggled a little, helping him get everything back on nicely. It was like playing a demented version of dress up. After they were done getting all of his chains back on she fixed her own appearance. He said she was pulling the good girl mask back on. Maybe he was right. She could be a bad girl at heart after all. She had never had the chance to find out. Standing on her tip-toes she managed to pull the tape out of the camera. No way was anyone ever going to see this. "I'll try to schedule something a little sooner..." There was no way she could wait that long. This was getting unbearable.

He grinned even more at her last comment. "That's good, sweet. Try to do that." He froze as he heard the door's lock turn. They would drag him away now. He had five more seconds of alone time. "Don't think about me too much, Harlequin. You know it's not good for you to miss out on sleeping." He knew her so well. The real Harley that she kept away from everyone else was his and no one else's. The guards walked in. The shorter one grunted like an imbecile, "Get up." The Joker complied only to show Harley he was behaving. He liked to think she loved it when he misbehaved.

When the guard weren't looking, she blew him a kiss, waving goofily. She sighed as soon as he was out of sight. Why did people always have to ruin their fun? She shrugged off the question. It was time to talk about how the tape had gotten damaged somehow. They would believe her. They always did. All those other doctors were the real idiots. They may have actually earned the grades they got in college, but they had no ability when it came to reading people. That's why all the patients at Arkham stayed insane. There was no one to cure them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was summer and some how his angel had gotten him from his prison. How in the world she was able to convince the big bosses to let him go outside in the courtyard was beyond him. As soon as the warm air hit his face he felt much better. He wasn't in a straight jacket today just handcuffs. They couldn't let him be without anything at all. He was number one on the most dangerous patients list. Sudden violent emotions and all that. He rolled his shoulders and walked to the bench they pointed at. The guards stood by the doors and would be able to run to Harley's rescue if she screamed. He sat down like a good boy and waited impatiently.

The noise of her heels clicking against the walk way told anyone around that Harleen Quinzel was near. She had opted for a much more light weight outfit, because Gotham was going through some sort of heat wave or something. Red and white checker shorts, a white tube top, and shiny red heels. She loved red and white. They were the best colors in her opinion. She sent the guards away with one flick of her wrist, walking straight towards the bench. Good. They had listened to her suggestion of ditching the straight jacket.

Joker grinned as he saw his girl walk...no strut toward him. Her hips swung seductively and her shorts were so short they should have been illegal. Her long legs tapered down to her beautiful ankles which were tucked into a pair of red high heels. His heart beat a little harder. She was divinely attractive. No wonder she had had boys falling at her feet all her life. But, Joker was no boy and he wouldn't just be one of her flings. No. He was determined to shape fate. He was destined for her.

She had forgotten how he looked without all the chains and the straight jacket. Well, that was a lie, because she knew what he looked like without much clothing. However, she had forgotten how good he could look with clothes on. His body was always in just the right position, casual but threatening. A wry smile spread across her lips. This was going to be so much fun. She sat down next to him on the bench, "You have no idea how much persuading this took."

He pursed his red lips, "I bet you are super good at persuading, sweet." She had always persuaded people all her life to believe this and give her that. It must be second nature to her. He admired that. She had a gift for fooling the idiots. That was always good. She didn't look so tired today. Which was good...but more bad. It meant that she had been sleeping which meant that she hadn't been thinking about him very much. That made him sad. He liked to be thought about. He held out a pale arm examining it in the sunlight. He would never be tan. Forever pale, alabaster, white.

Harley smiled at his arm in the sunlight. It was like a marble statue. Beautiful to only those that can appreciate it. She ran her fingers, red nails flashing in the sun, along his skin, glancing over her shoulder to make the sure the guards really had left. Thank God they had. They would have had to face her wrath if they hadn't. "Something wrong?" She asked, not at all the way a psychologist did. The way it came out was genuine. She really meant it because she cared about _him. _Not about money or some stupid book.

"No. Just thinking about the usual freak stuff," he said quietly. He would always be different. But, that's what made him better. He always stood out from the crowd and in the spotlight where he deserved to be. "What have you been up to lately, Harlequin? Seeing any guards. They all look like they want...you." He stopped himself from saying what he was going to. Polite. Be polite. He chuckled. Being polite just like being patient was ridiculously hard.

"They're all idiots." She sighed, rolling her eyes. Her fingers still danced across his skin. She loved to touch it. "Seriously, I think almost everyone else in this building is an idiot! They're all blind." It was so aggravating. They were all stuck on outside appearance. "I've had a few invites, of course, but..." she paused, shrugging. "I don't know."

He got a little bit angry at the "few invites." He couldn't believe she had ever considered them. He made himself relax though. "Would you have accepted any of them?" he asked, uncaring. Seemingly uncaring at least. If she had even considered one of them he thought he would personally kill the guy. He couldn't imagine her liking any of them. Especially since they didn't see the real Harley.

A chorus of giggles filled the air, "No! They're all a bunch of block heads!" The thought of even trying to go on a date with one of them was hilarious. They were complete idiots. The conversation (if there was one) would be all about something stupid like sports. Everything would be predictable and boring. Not like things were with the Joker. "I don't think I'd be able to put up with any one of them for longer than I already do."

He sighed with relief. That's good. Very, very good. He lowered his arm back to his side. A nice breeze swept through the courtyard which helped with the heat.

There was a minute or so of silence as Harley pulled together enough courage to ask the next question. "Have you-um-ever had any...girlfriends?" She looked over at an exotic flower, unable to look him in the eye.

He paused, "What is your definition of girlfriend?" He thought back trying to remember. The past was always fuzzy to him and easily forgotten. He made up things most of the time but mainly he just didn't think about it. Not many people asked about the Joker's (in)famous history.

"Someone you had sorta intimate relationships with." She shrugged. The term "girl/boyfriend" was so vague. It really depended on the person when it came to defining what a "girl/boyfriend" was. Her eyes still lingered over the plants, refusing to look back at her Puddin. What if he had really loved a girl? Could he ever be able to like her as much?

He shook his head, "No. Not really. There was this hooker once..but it's not like we saw each other very much. People tend to avoid me at all costs which is probably a good idea." He thought back. He had never really had anyone before...not that he really cared about. It was a liability to care for someone especially when you are the Clown King of Crime. Anyone that you could possibly care about could be used against you and the Joker had always prized himself at being invincible.

This new piece of information was bittersweet. So, he hadn't ever loved anyone really, but he had gotten it on with a hooker. A freaking hooker! She was silent for a bit. "Well, they're going to love the report today." Man, they were going to get a kick out of the hooker confession. A hooker! Was that the type of girl he liked? Would he only like her if she was a slut? Did she already act like a slut? God, this was horrible.

He took her hand. He ran his fingers across the translucent skin on the underside of her wrist. "It was a long time ago though. I barely remember it." She wasn't very pretty and he had only done it maybe twice? It was a very long time ago and Joker was pretty sure human diseases didn't affect him anymore. He had never been physically sick before with a cold or virus or anything. He was healthy as a horse.

She nodded along, still a little worried. Was he only using her for her body? Just like every other guy she'd ever been with? No, he couldn't! He knew the real her. Her eyebrows scrunched together as she stared at the brick path. Something told her he wasn't like every other guy. She had never reacted this way to any other man. Nope, she had already talked this over with herself earlier. Harley was in love with the Joker.

Their time was running short. He knew it as if he had some kind of internal clock. He kept her hand in his. Harley's hand was so tiny and petite. So...feminine. He examined her hand closely. She had a scar near her middle finger. "What is this from?" he said repeating the thought out loud.

Harley looked at the scar as if it was the first time she had seen it, "Nothing." She shrugged, looking away again. If she looked him in the eye he would know how painful that memory was. It was one of those memories she tried to keep int he back of her mind. No one else had asked about the scar. Why did he have to see it? She knew why. He could see everything about her.

He tsked. "So, you just have a scar for no reason. Come on, kitten. You can tell me _anything_." He pressed finger to the imperfection as if he could make it disappear.

She sighed a little and looked back at him, unable to hid the pain in her eyes. "When I was in high school, I dated this jerk." All of her boyfriends were jerks back then. "In the end, I found out he only wanted me for my body and he wasn't going to wait that long for it anyway. One night he decided he was done waiting." She looked down at the scar, willing it to go away. All of her other painful stories could be hidden, but this one was visible to the outside world.

The Joker's fists clenched his nails bit into his skin. "Did he rape you?" he asked softly. He would castrate the man then kill him very, very slowly. How dare anyone touch her. He was so angry it was almost painful.

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that." There weren't really any other words for something like that. She couldn't rip her eyes away from that stupid scar. It would always be there as an ugly reminder. She had tried everything to get rid of it and nothing had worked. The surprising things was, she could tell him this and not feel scared. He would be able to keep her safe. The Joker was powerful. Everyone but Batman was scared of him.

He really, really was going to castrate the man. "Harley, why didn't you stop him?" His anger was all consuming. It made him more focused, more based in reality than usual. Everything seemed sharp and defined now.

She flinched a bit at those words. How many times had she asked herself the same question? Countless times. "I tried...I really did." Her eyes were watering now. All the edges were blurring and everything was swimming. "I couldn't. He was too strong..." Her shoulders shook.

The Joker hadn't been to angry before but now he was fucking livid. He put a hand under her chin making her look at him. "What's his name, kitten? Just tell me." He was going to kill him. The first thing he did he was going to **kill** him.

The tears spilled out over her eyelids, "James Thomson." She shut her eyes tightly, the memories trying to flood back into her mind. That bastard should watch out now. It was obvious that her Puddin was mad now. Whatever. That jerk deserved to get punished for what he did. God knows how many other girls he raped.

Joker really tried to calm down. It just didn't work well for him. He wiped her tears away carefully. It was hard to touch her in handcuffs. Plus, he didn't want to explode in temper and it was hard for him to be gentle when he was angry. He was going to kill that son of a bitch. Death by fire sounded good.

After a minute or so, Harley had regained her composure. Taking a deep breath, she continued on. "So...I have no idea what to talk about now." Everything sort of paled in comparison to that confession. "Any favorite colors?" She let a half-hearted laugh out at the sheer lameness of the question.

"Colors are all the same. Much too dull. Splashes of color would be nice for a change. Reality is mindlessly boring," he smiled. The smile wasn't a good one. He couldn't smile happily when he was angry. Anger was an emotion that blocked out everything else. A guard knocked on the glass door and without permission opened the door. "Time's up," he said uncermoniously. He glared at the Joker seeming to be jealous. Now, _that_ made the Joker really smile.


	5. Carnality

**Authors' Note:** It's rated M for a reason.

"Breathe, Harley." She commanded herself, slamming the door to her apartment. It seemed like every second people were checking up on her, trying to pinch every bit of information out of her as possible. Couldn't they just leave them alone?! Why did they have to know everything they talked about!? He deserved his privacy! Hell, she deserved hers! Her brief case slid across the floor, hitting the wall with a thump. She laid down on her bed and tore her hair out of it's horrible bun. She used to like the bun. Now it was restricting and boring. They had him locked up again. In that God awful cell. All alone. In the cold dark halls of Arkham. How the hell was he supposed to _heal _in a place like that?! No one could possibly do it. No one at Arkham healed. They only got worse. That's why they had to leave. She and Joker had to get out while they could.

Her heart was pounding as she moved throughout her small apartment like a madwoman. She had three large suitcases, and one medium sized one. It wouldn't take the police long to figure out what had happened. Soon, her favorite clothes, shoes, personal belongings, and other such things were packed away, ready to go at a moment's notice. Next came the more technical part of this. Covering her tracks. She would keep her apartment for now, so that she and Joker could come back here for a bit. Next, she got on her computer and started the tedious process of creating a false bank account. It was hard, but paid off in the end. After transferring all her money to that account, she wrote down the information and wiped her laptop's hard drive. No way was anyone getting any information from her.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joker stared at the wall. It was a boring, blank wall. He grimaced. This was boring. There was really no excitement around Arkham other than sessions with his Harlequin. He sighed. There wouldn't be another one of those for three days. He was going crazy with boredom. There was nothing to do but sit in his cell. He couldn't even think of something other than her too. That was annoying. He wanted her so badly it was driving him up the wall. He paused in his thinking. Why wait for her to come to him again? Why not go to her? He examined the room more critically. The guards they had stationed outside his room when he had first returned had been moved to other duties. They had begun to trust him again. How stupid. But, it worked to his advantage. He pressed his fingers to his temples, closing his eyes. He suddenly had his escape plan. He smirked. Harley was driving him up the wall...literally.

She took a bit of time getting herself dressed up for this. There were two main reasons for how long it took. One: She didn't like the idea of Joker seeing her unless she was dolled up. Two: Taking her time calmed her nerves. Finally she was done, dressed in black leggings, a black t-shirt, and black ballet flats. It was sort of cliche. All the thieves in movies wore black. She shrugged, heading to her car, keys in hand. Time to do this!

He couldn't believe how easy it was to escape. It only took a minutes and some patience. The guards were blind imbeciles. He had slipped past them at least four times now; he had even hidden behind a medical cart once. The hospital all looked the same but the maps on the corner of the walls really helped with that small problem. He walked down corridor A4 like a new man. He was so clever and they all underestimated him. Joke's on them.

Harley was tip-toeing through the darkness, not at all as used to this as Joker was. She was fighting to keep her breathing steady. Then she heard footsteps. Time to fight or fly. No way was she leaving her Mister J here! She braced herself, finally glad she did gymnastics when she was in high school.

He turned the corner and almost ran straight into a woman. A blond, gorgeous woman who he was quite familiar with. His eyes bulged at her outfit. "What are you doing?" he whispered quickly. He glanced over his shoulder. Standing in the hall was like sitting down for execution...something he never did. They were going to get caught if they didn't keep moving. His 7th sense was tingling. That was his escape one. It hadn't failed yet.

"What are _you_ doing?" She asked, grabbing his hand at the same time. Without waiting for an answer she kept talking, "I've got my car here and everything. We can drive back to my place. Then once we're ready we can go to where ever it is that you go..." She got quiet as they came closer to a guard. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, excitement running through her veins. Most people would be scared out of their minds, but she couldn't have been having more fun.

He gritted his teeth. He didn't need help escaping. He pulled on her hand. She was going to walk right in front of the guard. He felt like rolling his eyes. She was going to screw everything over. The guard moved to the next corridor over and he pulled her along behind him. He ran quickly. They were getting close to the back entrance and he needed as much time as he could get. It would take him a few minutes to hack the key card system.

Harley remained completely silent. Mister J seemed a little upset. Well, how was she to know he had been escaping the very night she came to get him? Maybe he was just stressed out about escaping and that made him a bit more aggressive than usual. Yes, that made sense.

He let go of her as soon as he got to the keypad. "Don't move, Harley," he grunted bending down to examine the electronic scanner. He pulled off the back and pulled out a few wires. Damn. He hoped the silent alarm hadn't been triggered. Green wire here. Keep the red one out. He pulled a few others continually checking the front of the scanner until he heard the door's lock open. They were almost out. He stood up and grabbed Harley's hand again. He put his back against the door and shoved, "Where are you parked?" He was starting to sweat. This wasn't good.

"Right there." She pointed to the cherry red mustang. Being a doctor had it's perks. Good thing she had been able to park right in the front, what with her parking pass and all. She pulled the keys out of her pocket and handed them to him, pretty sure that he would want to drive.

He didn't take the keys, instead concentrating on the security camera at the front of the building. "Go get the car and pull it around to the back entrance. I'll meet you there," he commanded before turning away. They only had a minute or two left before the alarm would go. He could already hear the ringing in his head.

She didn't ask any questions, getting into the car quickly and doing as she was told. Once she was by the back entrance, the butterflies started to come into her stomach. No more going back to her old life. This was it. It was worth it for love right? For him?

He got in and closed the door. He was just in time because he could hear the alarm bell ringing. "Go, Harley. Go!" he clutched the arms of the seat. He wouldn't be completely happy until they got past the gates. He started laughing. He had done it. Escaped for the second time and this time Batman wasn't going to drag him back. He would be able to kill Batman once and for all. And.. of course succeed in seducing Harley. He couldn't believe she was actually going to break him out after all. Hah.

Her foot slammed into the gas pedal, the engine screaming. The tires squealed as the car rocketed out of Arkham. There weren't any police cars. They were going to make it! She laughed too, honestly feeling as if she could fly. This was the best thing she'd ever done!

He finally stopped when his sides started hurting. "How were you going to break me out of Arkham all by yourself, kitten?" He was quite interested in this answer. She didn't have much experience at helping inmates escape.

"I really didn't have any idea." She sighed, still speeding through Gotham streets. "I probably would have used a few laughing gas bombs and some dynamite. A bit over the top, I guess." The thought made her laugh.

He shook his head grinning. That wouldn't have gone over too well. He cleared his throat, " Well, it was a nice thought." He put his feet on the glove compartment. He was free! Again. Hopefully, this time forever.

Her insides got replaced with butterflies when he said that. He had approved! Hardly anyone had ever approved of her before. She smiled over at him, "Is my place okay for right now?" She still had to get her stuff and the apartment was really close by.

They probably wouldn't suspect her just yet. They would go through the security tapes soon though and the flamboyant, red Mustang would definitely stand out. He nodded, "For now."

Soon, Harley was back in her room, except this time Joker was with her. The adrenaline was still rushing through her, giving her a sort of high. Thoughts of what had happened last time they were in this room together swirled in her mind. She glanced over at her bags. They were all ready to go. Whenever he wanted, she would leave with him, giving up her past life. What did she want that life for, anyway? It was boring and fake. This was real and colorful.

The Joker could have cried with happiness. He was finally here. In a room, away from Arkham, with Harley. A room that had a bed. Yes. It was close to perfect. He stretched. No security cameras or straight jackets. His heart felt light. Now, it was time to hunt. He smiled. He was going to win. He always won. Sometimes it just took longer. He took Harley's tiny hands and looked into her gorgeous sky blue eyes. His face was close to hers, "Thank you." His voice was low and soft. Deadly serious.

She had to blink a couple times as those two words rolled through her. There had never been two words spoken to her that made her feel that way. Her insides were on fire. "You're welcome!" she smiled a giddy little smile. He was so dashing! They were finally alone. No more worrying about being interrupted. All alone.

Let the fun begin! The Joker ginned. She was already his. Melting under his touch. He ran his fingers along her the delicate inside of her wrist. Her skin was smooth and perfect. He kissed her sweetly, his lips lightly pressed against hers. He was going to take this slow. He had some patience buried somewhere.

Harley leaned into his kiss, her body going half-way limp. Her knees were starting to feel like jelly. She knew what was coming up and her heart was racing. Sure she had done it before, but this was different. It felt like the first time again. She was nervous, a little scared, and super excited. Slowly, she moved her hands up to his hair, running her fingers through it.

He kissed her like an expert. He could feel her shudder and his heart pounded. This is what he had wanted for so long. Joker's quick, clever fingers started unbuttoning her clothes, peeling the black away. Her beautiful sweet scent was overwhelming to his senses. He had to be careful though. He wanted to keep her coming back and studies had always shown the first time determined that. He wanted to rip her clothes so badly but he held back. She had no idea how crazy she drove him. "Harlequin. You are so lovely," he said breathing heavily. He kissed her eyebrow and her cute nose.

"Mistah J..." She sighed, helping him slip off his Arkham clothes. Carefully and slowly, she pulled off his shirt, not wanting to ruin the moment. He was going slowly, so she would. Her Puddin was in control and that's the way she liked it. She was smoldering inside and had to let it out somehow, so she settled for tugging on his lower lip with her teeth.

He smiled. He really, really... liked her. The realization was slightly startling. The Joker didn't _like_ anyone. He pulled off her clothes faster now. Stripping her down to her bra and panties. He ran his and down her side tracing the curve of her waist. His hand settled on her hip. She was enthusiastic which was always exciting. His tongue traced her white teeth. She tasted so good. Warm like honey.

Her back arched towards him at his touch, her hips seeking contact. She let her tongue sample the inside of his mouth. It was exotic, something she had never tasted before. She couldn't but a label on it and she liked that. Harley started to pull his pants down, sliding along his body, hands griping the waist band.

He moved his hands up to her shoulders and then placed them on both sides of her neck. She was so breakable like a doll. Her body felt warm against his, her hands pressed between them. He kissed her jawline moving gently to her chin. His heart beat faster in his chest. He was so hot and his clothes were absolutely itching and abrasive on his sensitive skin.

Finally she managed to get his pants off of him. There were articles of clothing strewn all over the floor. She slid her body back up again, just like she had learned a long time ago. Then, arms wrapped around his neck she walked backwards toward her bed, a little smile on her lips.

He shuddered with effort of holding back. He walked willing toward the bed pressing Harley against him. His hands had moved quickly again. One reached behind her and with a flick of the wrist unhooked her bra. His other hand was already at her shoulder pulling the straps down. He pressed his lips to her beautiful collarbone working his way down.

A shuddering breath flew from her lips as his mouth made a path of fire down her skin. Her body shivered in anticipation. She let her hands wander, rubbing the Joker's tense muscles. Even now he was tense. She couldn't blame him. Stress was stored in muscles.

He took a nipple in his mouth. His tongue swirled. He grinned and moved to the other one before pausing. He pushed her back on the bed. He could continue better if she was lying down. Her flat stomach made him sigh with appreciation. She wasn't muscular but she was feminine. Her soft curves was definitely the opposite of the hard lines of his own body.

Harley let out a soft little moan, body lurching on it's own. Instinct was kicking in. She kept kissing his neck, nipping at the skin. Her hands couldn't stop moving. There was so much skin to feel, so much to memorize. His skin was so smooth. If he had any scars, they were healed over perfectly.

He took off her last bit of clothing. He moved down kissing her stomach and pausing to lick her belly button. He could feel her muscles tighten. He moved to her ankles pressing his tongue to the skin and worked his way up her calf. He paused at the sensitive skin underneath her knees but moved to her inside thigh. He was going to make this last as long as possible.

Harley had to clutch the sheets tightly in her hand to keep from screaming. She just wished he would get up to where he needed to be, but then this would go faster and end sooner. Maybe it was better slow.

He hovered right over her. He put a finger gently pushing through the curls covering her most private place. He grinned. His finger moved cleverly pressing her right where she wanted him the most. She was wet. His heart pounded. She wanted him so badly. He rubbed his finger carefully pausing at places when her heard her breathing skip. He leaned down and pressed his tongue to her center.

It was so hard to breath. The spring in her body started to coil. Every time she tried to catch her breath, she fell even further behind. Soon she was gasping for air, breath coming out in airy bursts. His touch was cold fire in her. Her eyes rolled back as she closed them.

He moved just when he thought she was about to explode. He kissed her, sealing their bodies together completely. Ancient, basic instinct took over and his hips moved. He was inside her moving faster. He was past control now. Every thought was gone. He felt the release of tension. Stars burst in front of his eyes. Finally. Finally. Waiting worked out after all.

As the spring within her let all of it's tension go a scream escaped her lips. It wasn't one of agony, but one of complete pleasure. Her muscles all contracted, her body rocking back and forth. Suddenly her body went nearly limp. She was panting, body covered in a thin layer of sweat. "Oh. My. God." The words came out with each exhale.

The Joker rolled over and inhaled trying to calm his racing heart. He felt limp and tired and...cold. He reached over and pulled Harley next to him. His arm fit perfectly on the curve of her hip and around her waist. Her back was snug against his chest. He closed his eyes. Now, this was perfect.

After a few minutes of breathing in and out, her lungs were somewhat back to normal. At least they weren't on fire any more. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, reveling in the moment. Harley turned her head slightly, so that she could look over her shoulder at him.

He felt her move and his arm tightened. "No moving," he mumbled the command. His voice even sounded tired. Her bed was soft much, much better than those old insane asylum beds. Even the truly mad couldn't sleep on beds that bad. Harley was warm. He pressed his nose into her silky hair. She smelled so good. It made him drool just a bit. There was something about her that he hadn't ever sensed before in other people. He just didn't know what it was.

Harley didn't mind the command. She understood that he must be exhausted, so she laid perfectly still, listening to his breaths. Everything was silent except for their breathing. It was such a beautiful thing to listen to. Before long she found her eyes drooping shut, taking her to a deep sleep.


	6. Hideaway

**Authors' Note: **The next chapters are going to be awesome. Remember to review if you have a chance.

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Fuck. He woke up with the sun shining in his face. The Joker knew he had a dream...but he couldn't remember it. The details evaporated like mist. That never happened. He always remembered his dreams. He had moved during the night. He was lying on his chest with his right arm slung over something that was moving. He cracked his eyes open and the night before came flooding back. He grinned as he slowly moved, scooting closer to his bed warmer. He pressed his lips to her cheek and to her temple. Her blond hair was tangled and she looked deeply asleep. He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Harley," he whispered. He wanted to take a shower with her of course. They had to get moving.

Her eyes started to flutter open as she felt something tickling her face in her dreams. As soon as she realized who it was she smiled wide, " 'Morning, Mistah J." Her voice was sleepy sounding. She curled up next to him a little more, trying to stay as warm as possible.

Joker moved away. "Come on, Harlequin. It's time to get up. Bright sunny day out and we have a lot to do today." He got up and walked to the bathroom. He splashed his face with water trying to wake up and grabbed a nearby brush. His green hair wasn't too tangled. He was completely at ease walking around with no clothes at all. It was actually more comfortable. More...breezy.

Harley rubbed at her eyes as she got up and walked towards the bathroom also. Unlike him, her blond locks were a tangled mess. She opened the drawer and got out another brush. She always had extra of everything, because she knew she would probably lose one. "What're we doing today?"

He bent over and turned the shower on. He came up behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. His chin rested easily on her shoulder. He studied their picture in the mirror. A reflection of an appearance. He'd always loved mirrors. They always held an image that wasn't quite real. He grinned. His gorgeous purple-red eyes contrasted starkly with his pale skin and bright green hair. Harely looked beautiful like always. Her skin glowing like peaches and cream and her blue eyes like the bright blue sky. "Well, I think we should probably move to the secret hideout," his voice was rich and warm with laughter. He kissed her neck gently pressing his red lips to her fragile shoulder.

She leaned into his touch and grinned, "Of course, Puddin'. We wouldn't want all those idiots from Arkham coming and ruining our party." No doubt they would be arriving at her apartment anytime now. They had reasons to suspect her. That made her grin even wider.

He sighed and took her by the arm pulling her toward the shower. He wasn't going to take one alone especially when he had such a gorgeous girl. He stuck his hand under the water. It wasn't too hot and he stepped in pulling her behind him. The water felt really nice. Showers at Arkham were limited. He loved the way the water droplets fell on her skin. He wanted to lick them all off.

This only surprised Harley a little, so for the first few seconds she had an adorable little shocked look on her face. Then she full out started laughing. Her laugh was like bells. She walked backwards into the water, lifting her face up so that the water came crashing down on her cheeks.

He couldn't help but lick a few off. Damn, he loved her laugh. He grabbed the shampoo and smelled it. It reminded him of her floral scent she always had. He poured a generous amount on her head and grabbed another kind for himself. He didn't think he couldn't stand it if he smelled exactly the same. He soaped up quickly the bubbles and water running down his skin.

As the bubbles made a thick layer of white foam on his body, Harley started writing a drawing in it. Whenever she wanted to "erase" something, she would just cover it up with the bubbles from her own body. This was fun! Whenever a guy had wanted to do something like this in the past, it hadn't been fun. It had just been another awkward moment.

The Joker groaned. He was going to supernova. How in the world could she be so perfect? He struggled to control himself as she rubbed all over him. It was like being tempted by the devil. He gave in. He put his hands on her arms holding her still. His control wasn't very great when he was so aroused. "Don't. Do. That. Unless you are willing to face the consequences," he panted out the words. He was slightly flabbergasted at how she could do that. He liked to think that he had a pretty good grip on his emotions...most of the time but this was insane. His lust was even worse than it had been before.

"What're the consequences, Mistah J?" She asked, looking up at him through her eyelashes.There were little drops of water glistening like diamonds on her skin. Her voice was a low purr. He was so amazing! It was so sad that the rest of the world couldn't see what a truly beautiful person he was. Stupid close-minded idiots.

He grinned and pushed her up against the wall. He held her arms over her head and kissed her hard. His tongue pushing bossily into her pretty little mouth. Her body seemed to melt against his dominating one. The water made everything much more slippery and warm. The sensuous feel of the water kissing their skin made him sensitive and excited. He wasn't being very careful anymore which was much more dangerous.

Harley didn't mind this at all. In fact, she sort of liked this rougher side of him. It made the situation so much more passionate and emotional. If someone was really giving in to their desires, things could come out a bit more rough around the edges because desire is such a huge, overwhelming emotion. She slid her body along his, letting her tongue lick up stray water droplets on his chest.He had such soft white skin.

He swallowed. Why was she not running away? If anything she seemed to like this better. How..surprising. He used his other hand to hold her chin. He kissed her softly, barely touching her and then released her. That took extreme effort but he stepped back and managed to wash off all the soap. "We really have to go. Time is running short, sweet." He was amused at her willingness to do...what he wanted. It was an odd thing to find in person.

Harley had to take a deep breath after that. Her desire had been welling up inside of her. Now, she just had to drop it and change her pace? Well, he was right. They really did have to get going. "Well, I'm all packed, so we can leave as soon as we dry off and stuff."

He turned off the faucet and sighed. "Yes," he said flatly stepping out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his head like a turban. He wandered back to find his clothes. They were strewn everywhere. He didn't want to have to put on the Arkham clothes but his suit was at the hiding place.

She quickly grabbed a towel and dried off, before picking out some clothes she hadn't packed in her bag. Just a plain white t-shirt and some short shorts. Nothing special. It made her feel kind of odd, because the Joker had only really seen her in the clothes she wore to work, which were usually pretty nice.

He picked up his Arkham shirt and slipped it back on. It made his skin feel itchy and unclean. He really wished he could make it to Arkham without clothes on but that would attract too much attention. Unwanted attention that was. It would create wanted attention from Harley though. He grinned as he shoved on the pants. "Harlequin. Do you have another car? I'm afraid the police will be looking for the one we escaped in."

He went though the different plans in his head. He had to keep reorganizing his agenda. He had a few chores he needed to do but those would have to come after they had gotten settled.

"I don't have another car, but..." She grinned over at him. A grand idea had just popped into her head. "I know how to break into cars! Some people here don't even lock their doors." When she was a teenager she used to sneak out and break into her father's car. He never found out.

He paused and thought a moment. That might just work, "Hm.. we can ditch the car a mile or two away in the junkyard and walk to the place." He muttered out loud. "Grab your things, kitten. Time to get a move on," he smiled and picked up a suitcase opening the door.

Happily, Harley got her bags and locked the door. She kept her room and car keys, not wanting anyone to have an easy time getting to any of her things. Soon, they were in the parking deck, Harley testing the doors on all the pricey cars. It didn't take to long to find one that was unlocked. "Seriously, these people are idiots! They deserve to be taken advantage of for destroying the gene pool with their stupidity." She laughed.

Joker just shrugged. He didn't really care who's car he stole as long as it was one that could get them where they needed to go. He got in the driver's seat and bent down messing with the wires. Green one...here. Blue leave unconnected... He jiggled Harley's key in the keyhole and felt the engine sputter to a start. Cars were ridiculously easy to break into. He put the car in drive and hit the gas pedal screeching out of the parking lot. He loved going fast. He laughed and shifted gears effortlessly. Soon, they were speeding along the highway to Gotham's notorious ghetto. An abandoned toy factory would serve as their new home sweet home. Harley would love it.

As the car sped through the streets, Harley's laughter flew through the air. She had never had so much fun in her life. It was like all those years of a strict household were melting away from her. She could do whatever she wanted to now! She was free! Flying through the streets at speeds fast enough to be considered suicidal wasn't scary to her. Maybe to her old self it would have been, but letting go required a person to stop being afraid to have fun.

The Joker stopped the car in a place where the old factories and industrial buildings were crumbling. The crime lords of the city ruled this area and no person would dare venture in this territory without being especially brave or especially stupid. "Get out, sweet and let me pull this into the junkyard."

Harley did as she was told, getting her things out of the back seat. She backed away from the car, making sure to keep a safe distance. The ghetto was still a little creepy, but she had The Joker as protection. That had to count for something. As she backed up though, she noticed that three burly idiots were giving her some really lecherous looks. She rolled her eyes, tempted to flick them off.

Joker pulled the car into the lot hiding it behind a pile of cars close to the front of the lot. He kept his eyes on Harley the whole time. He got out of the car and walked back toward Harley just as the three assholes started moving toward her.

She knew they were getting closer. Every few seconds she would glance out of the corner of her eye. She gripped the handle on her suitcase, ready to swing at their heads if necessary. When she glanced back ahead she saw that her Puddin' was coming. She already felt safer. He would take care of her.

The three men stopped when they saw the Joker coming. They were debating on whether he was a threat or not. The Joker grinned. Their slow, quagmire thoughts showed so easily. He passed Harley and walked straight up to them. "Something I can help you with?" he said menacingly. His teeth clenched and his hands balled into tight fists. One of the men in the front grinned, "How much for some time with the girl? I got 100 bucks." Joker shook his head, "Well, you see, she's not for sale. She's mine and if you ever touch her, look at her, or even fucking _think_ about her I'll kill you." He said the statement happily, he laughed softly at the shocked expressions. The head idiot's face turned purple with rage. He started to swing his fist but the Joker was already ready and he struck him so hard in the jaw he heard it crack pleasantly. Music to his ears. The man screamed in pain and his buddies backed up. Their faces were pale. The Joker turned, his job finished but he felt a hand wrapped around his ankle. He rolled is eyes and turned back around. He kicked the man in the ribs a couple times until he heard a few cracking sounds. The man seemed to lose consciousness at that point and his buddies had seemingly vanished. Joker went back to Harley and took her hand. "Time to go, darling."

It took her only a second to regain her composure. If she was going to live in this world she certainly had to get used to violence. "Thanks, Puddin'!" She gave his hand a little squeeze. As they passed the man laying on the ground, she gave him one a nice kick to the groin. When he groaned she laughed. No other girls were going to get taken advantage of by that bastard.

He smiled and kept her moving. She was easily distracted. When they finally made it to the factory he lifted up an old brick and removed the key. The door unlocked easily and didn't creak as he opened it. That was good. The place was covered in dust but looked pretty good. However ramshackle the building looked on the outside it was nicely furnished on the inside. There were toys everywhere and the old machines still were there. He led Harley up to where he had made his humble home. It had taken him a couple of weeks to tear out all the walls of the employers offices but the huge space that overlooked the sprawling factory floor was furnished nicely. It was one big multi-purpose room with a bed, a few trunks with clothes, couch, television, mini-kitchen, and a few other things. Everything was fairly plain. The purple plush carpet matched the purple blanket on the bed.The green couch complemented the purple nicely.His work space was down on the main floor of the factory. He sighed. Finally home sweet home.

As soon as she entered the room, her breath was taken away. The hide out was so amazingly awesome that she couldn't even put it into words. The closest thing she could get out was a series of excited squeaks. She ran through the building then, taking in every aspect of it. At one point she just started spinning around in the middle of the carpet until she got so dizzy that she fell over.

He laughed genuinely. She was amazing. He walked over to a trunk of clothes and started rummaging through it looking for a shirt and pants. He finally found the one he wanted at the bottom. He pulled it out a pair of jeans in a dark purple wash and a green shirt. If he wasn't going out he usually didn't both with a suit. He then moved over to the next trunk looking for something he had picked up years ago. Where was it??

Harley sat up and rose one elegant eyebrow, "Watcha' lookin' for?" She didn't get up though, wanting to give him his space. She stretched her legs out in front of her on the carpet, frowning at the state her tennis shoes were in. They had dirt all over them. Oh well.

He finally touched the soft fabric and he pulled it out carefully. He smirked. The Harlequin outfit was beautiful. Black and white. A perfect compliment to him. The Joker and the Harlequin. He crawled across the floor to her and presented the garment to her. "I picked this up a long time ago. Try it on, kitten. I think it'll fit," he said softly. He took off his old Arkham inmate shirt and pants and put on the jeans and t-shirt.

Harley's eyes went so wide it almost hurt. A little squeal escaped her lips as she gingerly took the garment and stood up. It was so beautiful! She slipped out of her normal clothes and pulled on the stretchy material. It fit like a glove and made her curves stand out even more. Once everything was on properly she posed for him, "I love it! What do ya think?"

His heart beat a bit faster. She was so lovely it almost hurt to look at her. "Harlequin, you look amazing," he said quietly. He stomach growled he hadn't eaten anything all day. Thankfully, he paid someone to restock his freezer downstairs every week. He proabably had a mountain of food in there by now. "Let's go get some food."

"All right, Puddin!" She half-sang, already skipping over to the fridge. While there, she noticed her reflection in the mirror. There was something wrong. It took her a second to realize what it was. Her skin. It didn't look quite right. It was too pink. A clown should have white skin.

He walked to the freezer and picked up a microwavable dinner. He wasn't an expert chef he admitted but at least he fed himself...most of the time. He looked over his shoulder, "Harley! What do you want to eat?" He loved her outfit. It made her seem sexier, stronger. If only he couldn't see her underwear line it would be perfect. She would never voluntarily not wear underwear though...unless...

She looked back over at him, pulling herself out of her daze. "Um..." Harley sauntered over, bending over to look into the fridge. "Whatever your having, I guess." She didn't really care what she ate. It had never seemed like a big deal to her. Food was food. It would all end up in the same place anyway.

He picked another package up and walked back upstairs. He was salivating a little and not over the thought of food. Harlequin was naturally seductive. It was like...she couldn't help but make him want to take all his clothes off and do very naughty things. He ripped open the box and threw the packaged food in the microwave. He wasn't really hungry for food anymore. "Kitten. You look so good," he said his voice betraying his thoughts. He tried to focus on the food. Three minutes left.

"Awww, thanks Mistah J." She ran up the stairs to stand next to him. Her body language had sort of changed once she got in that suit. Maybe it was just because it was easier to move. When she stood, her chest was thrust out a bit more than usual. "You look sexy as always!" A little grin worked it's way across her face.

He smiled. Too tempting and too distracting. Hunger. Remember hunger? Oh, what happened to hunger? He stared at the microwave. Two minutes. Two minutes. Food was important right. Food was needed to make energy. He need energy for his plan. Fucking Harley would take away energy which was needed. So, food is more important. Logically, it all made sense. Reality, didn't make sense. He was hard and uncomfortable in his enclosed jeans. He wanted to rip her clothes off. Why couldn't he control the...instinct. Or was it an impulse? All he knew was that it was ruling him almost completely. He was going to be one of those men that were led around by their noses by a woman. He shook his head. No. That wouldn't be fun. Life was supposed to be fun.

"What's wrong, Puddin?" She asked, noticing the look on his face. His smile had gotten bigger and then nearly vanished. Had she upset him somehow? Oh gosh that wouldn't be good. Harley blinked a few times in the silence.

The microwave thankfully beeped. A welcome distraction to the thoughts which were swirling around in his head. He would be perfectly fine being with someone. It was odd to welcome someone in to his private hell house. Why would anyone want to come in anyway? He reached a hand in and grabbed the hot containers. He concentrated on the feel of the burn. Pain often helped him focus. It helped him connect to what was real.

When he had his back turned, Harley's eyebrows pulled together and a puzzled look overwhelmed her face. He wasn't being as receptive to her flirtatious behavior. Maybe she was just flirting too much. It could be over kill. She pulled a chair over and sat down in it backwards, resting her arms on the back.

He held her tray in his hand and set it on the floor. He set his own next to hers and went to get utensils. They were around here somewhere...he pulled a jar from the shelf. There were three forks and one knife. Well...that would have to be fixed. He took two forks and sat down on the floor in front of her. "Hungry kitten?" he said lightly handing her a fork.

"'Course I am, Mistah J." She smiled, taking the fork gently. Soon she was eating her microwave meal. It was kind of interesting. The food had definitely not been cooked through all the way and for some reason it tasted burnt at the same time. She managed to keep her face neutral though. At least he had made food for her. That was probably a big step for him. He wasn't accustomed to having to take care of another person.

He took a few bites and moved food around but threw it away in the end. He didn't' really like food that much anyway. He wasn't ever hungry and basically ate when he thought he would need to survive which was once in a while. Time was relative to the Joker. He had more important things to do. Now, time to get Harley to bed so he could go... He watched her eat. She took small, little bites.

Soon Harley was done, not too hungry herself. She never ate big portions, so this wasn't anything new to her. Her head tilted to the side as she tried to look out of one of the dirt-covered windows. From the lack of light streaming in, she determined that it was getting late. She threw away the rest of her meal with a little yawn, "I'm sleepy..."

"That's good. Me too." He got up and took off his shirt. Clothes were so confining. He looked at her with a mischievous grin, "You know I usually don't sleep with clothes on." He always got too hot and had trouble sleeping anyway.

"That's fine with me, Puddin'." She grinned, unzipping the amazing Harlequin costume. "I usually stick to just a bra and panties." A little giggle escaped her lips as she skipped to the bed. It was really nice for being in a hideout.

He took off his pants and lay down on the bed. He took up most of it by himself but he was willing to share at least tonight. He always hated sleeping almost as much as being awake. Neither seemed good. When he was asleep he always felt someone would find him vulnerable. But, reality was too...boring awake. He liked being in the place somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness. How do you define that? Insanity maybe? He closed his eyes, "My brain keeps talking. It's really annoying. How do I get it to stop?" Harley was a psychologist after all. Her brains must count for something.

Harley smiled softly and closed her eyes, "Concentrate on just breathing. Don't let your mind think about anything else but keeping your breaths steady. Relax your muscles." She had to use this technique a lot, especially when she had been working on his case.

He ground his teeth. Thinking about breathing. He thought about it...for five seconds. It was much too boring. He needed a good plan. He had a general idea but had to come up with the more specific points. He sighed. He usually did well without a plan anyway. He was spontaneous. After all, he was the Joker. He was suddenly struck by a brilliant idea. "Harley, come here. I.. can't stop thinking about bad things," he said in a pitiful voice. He sat up holding his pale, strong arms out. _Come on, Harlequin. Come to daddy._

She slithered into his arms, looking up at his face, "What's the matter, Mistah J?" Harley didn't feel as giddy with the costume off. Her voice was already back to it's normal level in pitch. The costume was a part of her already and she realized that. It brought out her alter ego. That part of her that always wished she had been born stupid so that she didn't have to see the cruelty of the world. To paraphrase from _The Great Gatsby_, the best thing for a girl to be is a beautiful fool.

He laid down, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. He felt a warm feeling when her skin touched his. However odd and unexpected it was, there was some kind of connection he felt to her that he had never felt with anyone else. He couldn't describe it and didn't want to. It was the oddest feeling. He kissed the back of her neck softly. The soft hair at the nape of her neck was silky and warm. "Good night, Harley. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

He nipped her lightly with his teeth.

She shivered a little when he bit her. It was such a cute little line. A little smile spread across her lips as she closed her eyes, "G'night, Mistah J." It didn't take her long to fall asleep. The stress of the day had left her exhausted.


	7. Retaliation

**Authors' Note: **Ready for some action? Tell me what you think. :)

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He heard her breathing deepen. She was limp and relaxed like a rag doll. Vulnerable in his arms. He slid his arm from underneath her and gently let go. Her breathing caught once but didn't stop. She was asleep and hopefully would be for a long time. He had no trouble seeing in the dim light. His vision was well adapted to the dark. Silently, he opened a trunk and got out a purple suit. Perfect. He slipped out of the room closing the door behind him and made it outside of the building. Of course, he already had the address. He planned at the last details in his head as he walked through the shadows. James Thomson would have a pleasant evening tonight. Surprise visits were always full of giggles.

The Joker made his way to the small house. It was falling apart. The boards were rotten and the paint was peeling away. He couldn't even tell the original color. The yard was littered with junk. Old beer bottles and trash. Well, how nice and cosy. The Joker walked up to the doorway. He was tightly wound up with excitement. He hardly had this much fun in such a long time. The doorbell didn't work so Joker just pounded. The door looked like it would break under the stress of a few hard knocks. No answer. Tsk tsk. Joker was sure that Mr. Thomson was in. He kicked in the door which cracked and crumble under the weight. "Helloooo?" Joker called, his voice echoed through the house, "It's not very nice to not answer the door. Especially for guests." He heard movement in a back room. He grinned and waited. He heard a door creak and footsteps shuffle down the hallway. He leaned against the wall, hidden in a shadow. James Thomson popped around the corner. He looked wasted. His hair was matted and dirty. His eyes were glazed over with drunkness and who knows what else. He looked like a ox: strong and very stupid. This guy was big like a wrestler. Thomson had a shotgun in his right hand. He didn't have very good aim...

"Who the fuck are you and what the hell do you want?" Thomson grunted, his words were slurred. The Joker stepped out from the shadows. He was still grinning madly. Adrenaline poured through his veins. He could feel the anticipation and the tension. He could cut through the air with a letter opener. "How are you, James? You don't look so good," his voice was cheery. His pale, white fists were clenched. Thomson looked slightly stunned at those words, "How did you know my name? Who the FUCK are you?" The Joker shook his head, "Now. Let's just calm down. Have you ever known a Harleen Quinzel?" Thomson's eyebrows raised and his shotgun lowered. What an idiot. He tried to think but that's hard to do without a brain. He seemed to think the Joker was a nice, kind person. Moron. "Yeah. I knew a Harleen. _Real _well," Thomson grinned stupidly. The Joker's grin widened, "Oh. Really? Well. You see...I don't like people touching what belongs to me. You could call me a bit...protective. I _especially _hate a bastard forcing someone to have sex with them because they can't get it on their own. I think you fall into that category. Rape deserves a punishment. A very, very harsh punishment. I thought I do it myself to make sure the job got done right. Ready to get started? I thought so." The Joker moved so fast he was a blur. His fist connected strongly with the man's jaw. Surprised, Thomson stumbled back. His hold on the gun loosened. The Joker grabbed the man's fist and twisted it viciously. He heard a crack of bones and the gun clattered to the floor. Joker than hit the man again cracking a bone in his face. Finally, Thomson started to fight back. His efforts made the Joker even more excited. It made the victory so much sweeter.

The man got in one punch in Joker's ribs but Joker didn't even feel a thing. He started laughing insanely. The happiness spilled forth, frothing out like bubbles. The Joker hit the man again in the head. Over and over again. Thomson finally gave up and just tried to defend himself. He tried to say stop but blood was pouring from his mouth. The blows were harder and harder and soon the big man fell to the floor. The Joker grabbed him by the collar. He hoped he felt the pain. He hoped so much that he felt the fear and pain. Just as Harley had felt the fear and the pain. The violation. Joker dragged the man across the floor. The blood left a smear on the floor behind the body. He reached in his pocket and grabbed a tiny vial. It was filled with diethyl ether, an extremely flammable liquid. He poured it over the man's crotch and opened the box of matches. He lit a match and dropped it on the dark stain. It quickly caught on fire and started burning through the fabric. The Joker left, laughing hysterically. What genius. He waited until the whole house was on fire before leaving. The sun was starting to come up. He felt accomplished. That went quite well.

Harley turned over in the bed as her eyes slowly opened. She shouldn't have been able to roll that far without bumping into him. Her eyes shot open and her body lurched upward as she realized he wasn't there. "Mistah J!" She called out, slipping out of the bed quickly. Damn it was cold.

Joker grinned as he watched the greedy flames eat the entire house. He then looked at the rising sun. Shit. He should be back by now. He was running behind schedule. He ran down the sidewalk and happened to look down at his suit. It was a tad bit bloody. There was no way he could cover that up. Oh well. What would his excuse be? ...Fell off a building. That had a nice ring to it. Plunging to death but happening to land in garbage. Poor, pitiful me.

She ran around the warehouse, looking in every corner for him. Where could he be? What if the Arkham jerks had come and gotten him while she was asleep! What if Batman had come! "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God!" She repeated over and over, starting to get so worried that she felt sick.

The Joker walked up to the abandoned factory casually. The sun was pretty bright today which was slightly annoying. His eyes were pretty sensitive to light. He opened the door to the lovely lamenting of Harley. He laughed, "Honey, I'm home!" It was _so _homey sounding.

The air that was left in her lungs rushed out as she heard his voice. She ran to him, locking her arms around him, nearly crying. "I was so worried! I thought that Batty had come and gotten you or something awful like that!" Her heart was still pounding hard in her chest. God, he had scared her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up. He spun around in a circle. "I'm still alive and well. A bit bloody that's all." He grinned. No one needed to know it wasn't his blood of course. His right side still hurt slightly from where he had gotten punched but...he was unscathed like usual.

Harley's eyes went wide again. "Blood?" She pulled back to look him over. "Oh God! How did this happen?" If it was Batman she would be so angry. Joker hadn't even done anything yet and that big bully was already beating him up!

"Welll..you see. It was up on the roof because I can't sleep at night and...I wasn't really watching where I was going. I seemed to have fallen off. I don't really remember what happened..." he said, letting her go. He started walking towards the stairs. He needed to change clothes.

"Oh, Puddin'..." She sighed. Why hadn't she heard the noise? What if he had been so badly hurt that he couldn't move? She would have just been sleeping away while he died! "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," he ground the words out, annoyed at her overbearing insistence on asking the same question over and over again. He walked up the stairs and flung open the door. Home again home again jiggy jig jig! He started taking off his clothes. "Harlequin? If you could have anything in the world what would it be?" he said glancing over at her. He had an itch. An itch to steal something. Something dangerous and extremely valuable.

"You, Mistah J!" She grinned, skipping over to where he was, sitting on the bed playfully. Really she didn't need anything else as long as he was around. Money would be nice, but she didn't need it.

He rolled his eyes. She was supposed to say something creative and charming. He sighed, "Well, kitten. I think you already got that one. How about something else...more material? Diamonds are a girl's best friend you know." He grinned. He really needed a challenge. He needed to prove he still had the skill and comic genius to sneak people's valuables from under their noses. It was an art and he was quite a talented artist. He hadn't painted in a while but...you never lose some things.

"Umm..." She thought about this for a bit. Maybe some nice jewelry to show off! "You know that really nice jewelry store on main street? There's a really nice ruby and black diamond necklace in there. I think they keep it in a vault at night though." That thing had to be worth millions.

He thought about it. Hm... that might just do. "How nice are the rubies? An excellent quality I suppose. They have to be if they are in that expensive shop." The Joker grinned. He pulled out a green shirt to put on under his new purple suit. How would they do it though? Suddenly, brilliance emerged. Right under their noses, of course!

"I don't even think that Bruce Wayne guy could afford these gems." She shook her head back and forth. Yeah that guy was rich, but he couldn't be that rich. Harley looked up at him and saw a grin on his face. "You've already got a plan?"

"I think so. I need to work out the finer details," he mused while walking over to a cabinet. It was full of blueprints. Old plans that were scraped and others that needed more work were all stuffed into this one overflowing drawer. A cataclysmic event would definitely occur if it all got loose. He finally found a blank piece of paper and a broken pencil. He tapped the paper thinking. It was always good to have an escape plan..and a backup.

Haley sauntered over to the table and sat down on the edge, just watching him. It was amazing to see a genius at work! Probably no one else had gotten to see this. To see his brain in action, plotting those amazingly hilarious schemes, was a gift.

He pressed the point of the pencil to the paper. He couldn't make himself put down all the thoughts jumbled in his head. He needed to. He needed some kind of logic, some medium to put the details on. He could smell her. The pheromones kicked in. She smelled delicate and sweet. His mouth watered and he felt his whole body tighten. He cleared his throat, "Kitten, you're distracting me."

"Sorry!" She squeaked, getting up from the table and walking back to the bed. That way she could still watch him without being too close. He was concentrating so hard! Comic genius was certainly not as easy as it looked.

He took a deep calming breath and started scribbling on the paper. He wrote down all the things he could think of and then re-read the list. Eyeglasses, laughing gas, safe opener...go in through back door, take out night watchman first, smile to security cameras... wait. He was missing something. Something important. He hit his hand on the desk in frustration. He needed an ending. A good ending to the show. He could just take the necklace and skip off into the sunset. He muttered something to himself and ran a hand through his bright green hair.

"What's that matter, Puddin?" Harley asked, despite her instinct to keep her mouth shut. Maybe she could help though. She had gotten through medical school after all. That means she had to be rather intelligent.

He ground his teeth wishing that Harley would shut up. "I need an ending, sweet. There has to be a grand finale to the show," he said between clenched teeth. He muttered to himself and started to draw on the paper. Maybe...maybe he could put fake Joker jewelry in the cases? No. Too much work, not enough time...

Harley put a finger to her lips and thought for a few seconds, "Why don't you just blow the place up?" She thought this was brilliant because it would cause a ton of damage! People would be out of work, priceless jewelry would be destroyed. Pretty much a win-win situation to her.

The Joker had had **enough**. "HARLEY! **I **COME UP WITH THE PLAN. NOT YOU." He yelled as he stood up. He whirled around to face her. His patience was running quite thin today. "SHUT UP AND GO SIT OVER THERE," he screamed and pointed to a spot across the room. He glared at her, his green hair sticking up wildly from where he had run his hands though it. He needed a GRAND finale not some stupid half imitation.

Harley looked up at him, trying to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. "Yes, sir," She answered in a high pitched voice. It only took her half a second to get to the spot he had indicated. He was right. Who was she to interfere with his comic genius? She should just watch, something very few people have ever gotten to do.

He sat back down once she had gotten to her place. NOW maybe he could have some peace and quiet. He tapped his finger against the paper and suddenly an idea struck him. A sign. He would stick a lovely portrait of himself on the ceiling and decorate the store. It needed a little sprucing up. Dear Batman would know he was back in business too. He could bring some confetti to top it off. He was a genius after all.

Harley wiped her eyes roughly with the back of her hand. Thank goodness she always wore water proof mascara. It wouldn't be good to let him know she had cried a bit. He would probably think she was weak. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Joker glanced out the window. The sun was just starting to set. He ground his teeth. They had some time to kill. It would be better if there weren't any witnesses. A crowd was always nice though. He ran a hand through his green hair. No. It would be better if there wasn't any applause or people running to tell the police.

_What am I doing? _Harley asked herself, relaxing her position a bit. Her body language had been so childish. Any psychologist would have picked up on that in a heart beat. She followed the Joker's gaze to the grimy old window. An orange hazy color was drifting through the layers of dirt. God, she wanted to talk so bad. She hated silence. She knew she would be punished if she talked, so she kept her mouth shut.

He stood up and walked to the door. He then glanced back over his shoulder at her, "Come on, Harley. Let's go get the supplies together." He sat on the railing of the stairway and started to slide down. It was much faster and more dangerous, of course.

She followed him down the stairs, jumping the last three. Maybe next time she would jump four. A smile was plastered back onto her face. "What're we going to do, Mister J?"

"We are going to plaster a picture on top of the ceiling and have a Joker party. It will be quite festive," he grinned. He moved quickly toward the door under the stairs. This old room used to be the break room for the employees who worked on the factory floor, but Joker had converted it into his chemistry/supply room. Thousands of items were neatly placed on shelves that lined the walls. They were **all** alphabetized. Joker passed the rows slowly looking at each item speculatively. Could something be used and how would it be implemented? All of the Joker's crimes were carefully planned and executed flawlessly. It was what he did best.

As he looked around, Harley didn't say a word. She might get on his nerves again and there was a lot of glass in here. The Arkham rules still echoed in her mind. Don't let the inamates get near glass. Instead, she examined everything too. There was so much stuff down here!

He started picking things up a little after letter E. Where was his submachine gun pile? He had a lot of weapons, so sometimes it became a bit disorganized. You could never have too many. He would rather have a nice assault rifle than even food. Joker stopped and started rifling through the cache. He needed a good gun.

Harley wandered over to one of the pistols. It was labeled "Beretta Model 93R". Weren't those the ones that police used? Joker must have stolen one from a cop. How cool. She wanted to touch it, but crossed her arms over her chest so that she wouldn't. Her eyes were still glued to that beautiful, shiny gun though.

The Joker sighed. An assault rifle would be much better anyway. He doubted they even needed to take any weapon. It was, of course, always better to be prepared. He grinned as he picked up the M4. Such a wonderful rifle. So much power in one shot. He grabbed a few magazines and put them in the pile of stuff they were going to take. Some of the weapons were already loaded but most of the assault rifles weren't. It would be quite disastrous if one happened to go off. He happened to look up at Harley, "Grab whichever one you want, sweet. Ever held gun before?"

Harley picked up that nice little Beretta and grinned. "I've held one. They teach you how to use one once you get hired at Arkham." She had never shot a gun though.

He raised his eyebrows. "They teach even the psychiatrists to use guns at Arkham?", his said in disbelief. He then grinned mischievously, "I don't think it did much good."

"Not for me. I don't even remember where I put the gun they gave me." She let her slender fingers slip around the handle of the Beretta. Her hand fit there perfectly. The metal was so cold. "There was need to use a gun though."

He set the M4 down carefully and sauntered toward her. "Oh? When did you need one?" he asked, his head cocked to the side. His pale face lit up by a brilliant smile.

Harley rolled her eyes, "When you weren't my patient." Her answer was cryptic. She had only been tempted to use the gun once. That was when the Joker had been in solitary. The stupid idiots at Arkham had made her have a visit with the Riddler. God she hated him. They had made her visit the guy that Joker had almost killed in the cafeteria. She had almost used the gun then.

He stopped close to her, just a few inches away. He put both hands on her hips and pulled her against him. His lips brushed her ear. "You look good with a gun, kitten." His whisper was low and soft meant to make her shiver. She was so beautiful and smelled so good. That delicate floral smell again knocked him senseless. Luck had been kind to him to bless him with such a wonderful gift.

Harley did shiver. Mister J knew exactly what to do to get a reaction from her. That's one of the reasons she liked him so much. Some guys have no clue what to do to make a girl feel good, and it's a pain trying to teach them. Then, other guys just know what to do. Now what was she supposed to say to that? Every reply sounded stupid to her, so she settle with a pathetic, "Thank you."

Joker laughed. His whole body shook. "You are quite welcome," he grinned trying to hold it in. "You can just kiss me next time., " he said teasing her. He kissed her smoothly, effortlessly. His heart pounded in his chest reminding him that it was actually there. Harley made him laugh.

Her lips turned up in a grin as she kissed him. She made sure to slip the little pistol back into it's place. Her hands found their was to his chest. Too bad he was wearing a shirt. She moved her hips a little to tease him. Next time she would kiss him. She just hadn't been sure this time. After all, he had really yelled at her a few minutes ago.

He groaned as she rubbed against him. He was hard in two seconds. She always made the beast inside him come out. It was like he lost all control over himself. It was so much easier to give in to the cravings. He pulled her hips hard against the ache. They really didn't have time to do this. He had never really been one for folllowing rules though...even his own.

She let her body move of it's own accord. It always seemed that she was better at this sort of thing when she wasn't thinking. Her grin grew as she felt the evidence of his lust. She let a hand move up to his collar, loosening the buttons one by one.

He hands came up to her face and he pulled back. He rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes were blue and clever. She was still sane... maybe he shouldn't tempt her. Why couldn't he control himself? This was very abnormal and slightly disconcerting. Why did he feel so...easily overpowered? He brushed his thumbs across her skin and closed his eyes. He touched his lips to the skin right over her pulse. She seemed so calm and together. The opposite of himself. He was shaking with the effort of trying to resist.

Her hands froze on the button they had undone. Harley wasn't sure if he wanted her to stop or not. She felt the rise and fall of his chest and let her breathing match. Her body was on fire, but it was still under control.

He finally stepped backwards. He gently pulled her hands off of his shirt. He stepped back a few more inches so he couldn't easily reach her. He hoped that would calm down the throbbing libido. Control had so easily slipped away. He quickly buttoned back up his shirt. The clothing felt abrasive to his skin. He wanted to take it all off but they had work to do. Think cold thoughts. Cold. Arctic fucking cold. He didn't move, trying to calm down. He didn't want to have to walk like a penguin.

Harley let out a huff of breath, pulling her blond locks into a ponytail. She turned around and half-laughed, "Gosh, it got hot in here, didn't it?" Her cheeks were burning scarlet. She moved her hand rapidly in front of her face, trying to cool it down. Just think about snow. Ice cubes. Stuff like that. Do not think about amazing sex with the sexiest man alive that could make her feel wonderful with just a kiss. No! Don't think about that!

He grinned at that comment, "Do you think it's hot? It's a _perfect_ temperature for me." Thankfully, he was able to move. He bent down and started stuffing all the needed supplies into bags. He was sure that this robbery would go without a hitch. It would be a perfect way to get started again. Maybe they could celebrate afterward.

Oh gosh. Why did he have to say stuff like that? It just made her blush get worse. Then a new thought pushed everything else from her mind. "Do I get to wear the costume?" When she turned back around, her eyes were wide like a little kid's.

"Yes, sweet. If you want to. I think you look good in anything," he said glancing up at her. They needed to get going. The store would be just getting ready to close by now. It was always good to get there earlier. He packed more stuff into bags expertly fitting as much as he could. Duffel bags always came in handy. "Kitten, could you grab some gloves. Don't want to leave any fingerprints."

"Yes, sir!" She chimed, getting a few pairs of gloves. You never know where you're going to need extras. Before leaving the room to get changed, she grabbed the little pistol she had picked up earlier. While the Joker was preoccupied getting all the supplies, Harley changed into her new costume. It was so awesome! She would have to get some grease paint and a mask though, just to conceal her face a bit more.

He zipped the last bag with a flourish. "Ready to go. Grab a pack, sweetheart. Let's move out," He laughed. Excitement poured through his body. This was going to be good. Even if it was such a small scale crime. After all, he had to get back in the rhythm of things. He had a long vacation. He grabbed four of the bags and started moving toward the door. They could take the black van that was in the old loading area. It should still have some gas in it, if he remembered correctly.

Harley grabbed the last of the bags, practically dancing out of the door. This was so much fun! What made it even better was that she sharing this experience with her Puddin'! He was an expert at this and she got to watch him in action! Many psychologists would kill for this chance.

The Joker opened the back door and chucked the bags in. He started the van and revved the engine. It was already pitch black outside. Perfect for a burglary. Harley finally got in and he hit the gas pedal. Why go slow? He was in a rush all the time. He started slowing down as they approached the jewelry store. He boldly parked the van right in front. They weren't going to be long anyway. He slung a bag over his shoulder while getting out. Hm...this lock could be a bit tricky. He carefully judged the time it would take for the alarm to go off. Five seconds sounded about right.

Harley walked behind him, holding a bag also. She felt somehwat awkward now. He was so sure of what he was doing and she had no idea what the hell she was doing. They were on totally different playing fields. If she just did what he said, she should be fine. In her nervousness, she glanced up and down the street, half expecting a police car to come whizzing around the bend.


	8. Larceny

Joker selected a good-quality lock pick and pulled out an electronic device which would be used to jam the security alarm. He inserted the pick in the lock and pressed his ear against the cool metal. He wiggled it gently until he heard the click. Everything was going pretty smoothly. The door opened and he ran inside. The alarm panel was right on the wall behind the glass cases. He slid over the glass and ripped open the panel. 3-2-1...just in time he connected the two wires. Silence. He took a deep breath. No alarm. That was a good sign too. "Harley, get the empty bags," he said quietly commanding. He didn't even look at her. They still had to crack the safe. He rummaged through his handy bag. There we go. Electronic safes were pathetically easy to crack. He perfered the old-fashioned ones. They were more of a challenge.

She did as she was told, bringing the empty bags forward, not saying a word. Harley was much too frightened to say anything. Her voice would come out as a pathetic little squeak. Every few seconds a horrible scenario raced through her mind, each one getting worse. They could get sent to jail! Or one of them could get shot! It took her a few moments to convince her mind that she should trust the Joker more. He had gotten away with hundreds of robberies.

The Joker broke the flimsy lock leading into the back office. They had very pathetic security at this place. He walked over to the huge safe fit into the walk and smiled. Beautiful. The glossy black exterior held a nice little electronic keypad that could be opened with an encryption code. He carefully placed a decrypter on top of the lock. Wait a few seconds. Voilá! The safe door swung open. "Harley? I need a bag," he was grinning like a maniac. All the pretty little jewels. This would be a nice haul. "Take them all sweet. I need to do a little decorating," he sauntered over to her and kissed her cheek before grabbing the last bag.

A goofy little grin spread across her face despite her raging mind. With a little skip in her step, she went over to the jewel cases. Oh how lovely they were! She carefully picked them up as fast as she could, making sure they were all in their boxes. Damaged jewelry wouldn't sell for nearly as much!

The spray paint was first. Green and purple of course. The best colors in the world. Joker sprayed the cases, the floor, the walls, and even the door. It was graffiti art _inside_ instead of _outside_! He left plenty of nice messages for Batty to see. "Batmat, you stink!" "Batty, fatty, catty." He was so clever. The Joker truly was a mastermind. The best. He got out the permanent glue in the spray bottle and started going over the ceiling. The gigantic poster of himself would be the finally touch. The confetti still had to be done too. Confetti and graffiti! His laughter spilled out uncontrollably bringing tears to his eyes. Insanity was so kind to him.

The smile on her lips broke out into a dazzlingly bright one as she heard his laughter. It made her feel invincible! She picked up the pace a bit, wanting to take everything this place had. It would be so much more funny if they were wiped clean! She breathed in the smell of spray paint and laughed. Her laugh sounded like bells.

He had just finished putting up the poster when she walked into the room. Her bags full and bursting. She looked gorgeous. Harley's blue eyes never failed to make his heart pound a bit harder in his chest. She was definitely a woman that drove him mad. She looked seductive in her red and black costume. Happy. Harley Quinn finally was happy. He grinned. It must be his new life's goal to make her happy. She was beautiful when she was happy. Dangerously so. He jumped down from the counter. "Here you go kitten," he handed her a can of confetti.The last piece of the puzzle.

Harley laughed even more as she pulled the little metal tab on the container. Before it had a chance to burst properly she threw it into the air. With her eyes upturned, she saw the mock bomb burst into a rainbow of color. Confetti rained down on them, dusting her eyelashes. She looked back at her Puddin' and smiled as wide as she could. If only there was a way to tell him she had never felt so alive! She was about to try when bright blue lights flashed through the window. "Oh, shit! The police!"

The Joker cursed under his breath.They were running a bit behind schedule. He grabbed the bags and started running toward the van. He threw them in the back just as the police car was stopping. He reached for the M4 assault rifle and pushed off the safety. Everything seemed to be in a red haze. Slow motion and grainy like an old movie. He used the van as a shield and peaked out. The police were already moving toward the shop. His heart stopped. No. No. It couldn't be. Harley was standing there in the middle of the store, frozen like a deer caught in headlights. She should have been right behind him. Fuck. Why couldn't she be smart enough to listen to his wise words? Oh well, the more murder the merrier. He stepped out from behind the van and lifted the rifle. Aim. Fire. The sound of bullet casings hitting the ground always gave him such a high. It was like heaven. So quick and an efficient. He laughed. Bang!

The sound of gunshots snapped Harley out of her reverie. She screamed a little high-pitched scream before grabbing the last bags and running for it. Her heart hammered in her throat. She threw the bags into the van, looking up at the Joker. Fear was pulsing through her veins, slowing down her mind. Not far behind it, though, was adrenaline.

Joker calmly pushed the safety on the rifle and put it in the back of the van. Slammed the doors and got in the driver's seat in no hurry. Everything seem to be in technicolor now. Brighter and more perfect. He jammed his foot on the gas pedal and headed back toward Gotham's industrial section. His hands were shaking violently on the wheel. It was like he had just gotten a shot of heroin and enjoying the rush. He loved death. It was the ultimate end. The ultimate control of life. Such power. He spoke softly, "Don't get blood on the carpet, Harley." He was so furious it was pure glory. His emotions were running wild like beast through his head. He was so happy a few seconds and now livid. They must be going over 120 mph by now. Why wouldn't the car go faster? He hit his hand on the wheel violently. "Faster. Faster. Faster," his voice was rising.

Harley made sure not to get blood on the carpet. He was angry. Like he had been a bit earlier. It scared her more than the gunshot. Being shot would be quick. She had the sinking suspicion that the Joker wouldn't find it fun to end a life quickly. There was no mercy in his book. As the world speed by them, she cowered in the passenger seat, remaining completely still and silent.

He cursed when the engine sputtered than slammed on the brakes. The van came tearing to a stop; the wheels screeching against the road. He turned down a side road that led to the back of the factory. They were going to take a shortcut. His foot pressed the gas pedal to the floor again. He could barely see he was so angry. Everything was messed up. Why hadn't it gone perfect? It should have gone perfect. He clutched the steering wheel, digging his fingers into the fabric. It was too hot in here. He was burning up. Suddenly, he saw the entrance. He jammed his foot on the brake just before crashing into the fence. He turned the fucking, slow engine off and opened the door so hard it broke the hinges. He was pissed. He opened the back of the van and picked up all the bags he could as once. His muscles working to carry the weight.

Her whole body shivered as she watched him, still strapped into her seat. She felt the back of her eyes burn, but she blinked away the tears. Tears only led to pain. Harley took a shuddering breath before slipping out of her seat. Her body felt limp and worn, her bones more like jello than anything else. She grabbed the last two bags in the back of the van and hauled them into the abandoned factory. It was so cold.

It was like hell it was so fucking hot. He tried to take off his shirt fumbling with the buttons. His hands were still shaking uncontrollably. He got even more frustrated, everything seemed to be boiling over. He ripped the fabric enough to pull over his head. The cool air didn't seem to do much for him. He was burning. He walked to the van to get the last few bags but they were all gone. His M4 lay innocently on the floor. He smiled and reached out. The metal was the only thing that felt cool. It fit so nicely in his hand. "HARLEY!" he yelled hoarsely as he walked back inside. He started to laugh. It was all so clear now. No safety on. Life was never meant to be safe.

Harley turned towards him, eyes wide as a deer's. "Yes, sir?" Her voice was quiet and small. She glanced from his face to the gun in his hands. Oh no. Oh, God, no. Her legs threatened to buckle under her weight.

She was so pretty...what a pity. He grinned at her obvious fear. He was already starting to feel better. "Harley. What did you do wrong?" He asked smiling. Excitement ran through his veins making him stronger. Adrenaline made his blood rush faster. His vision was still red-tinged. Delightful. His hands were shaking harder now.

Her breath caught in her throat the first time she tried to speak. Then, the words came rushing out, all jumbled together, "I didn't run. I just stood there." She couldn't look at him, her eyes glued to the floor. If she was going to die, she didn't want to see it coming. It would be quicker without the anticipation.

"CORRECT!" he screamed, his laugh filling the whole building. He clutched his side with his free arm. Finally, he was able to stop. His eyes were bright with tears. He shook his head, "Harley. Do you know what happens when you do something wroooooong?" He spoke the words like a teacher would to a disobedient pupil. Tsk tsk. He held the gun up. His murky red eyes never left her face. The hunter never stopped watching his prey.

She flinched with each word he said. Slowly, she lifted her head, forcing herself to lock eyes with him. Tears slipped past her eyelids against her will. "I get punished..." Her mind was swimming. Would she die now? At least she had lived once. She had felt free for once.

He smiled, "So smart." He stepped back a few steps. His eyes still locked on hers. His mind racing with possibilities, ideas, scenarios. He put his hand over his heart theatrically as if it pained him. "Harley. Did you want the police to get you? You wanted to leave me. I know you do. But, you can't leave me, Harley. You can't." She belonged to him. Heart and soul. He was already starting to hear screams.

The words tumbled out before she could stop them, each hitting the air like a stone. "I would never leave!" This was her new life. How could she leave? Even if she wanted to, her only other option at this point would be to return to Arkham. Except, this time, she would be on the other side of the Plexiglas.

His mind was working too fast. Too many thoughts were jumbled and mixed together. His eyes narrowed. "Don't lie, Harley. It's not becoming," he said flatly. She ruined the perfection. A masterpiece had to be perfect. He laughed. Everything was so wrong. His mood suddenly shifted back to serious. "Are you going to psychoanalyze me now? Old habits die hard don't they?"

Harley's breath caught in her throat. How was it that he knew everything? How could he tell what her every thought was? If he wasn't...well, he would have made a great psychologist. She looked him in the eye and choked out, "If you're going to shoot me, just do it..." It was horrible being held in this odd sort of limbo. A line from an old sermon from the colonial years could describe this situation. It had something to do with a spider being dangled over a fire pit.

"If you were dead, you wouldn't learn anything," he shook his head as if dismissing the idea. He already had a plan. "You have 15 seconds. Run. Run fast," he said softly. He would give her a headstart. It was only fair.

She ran as soon as he had finished his sentence. Where would she run? Well, she didn't really know. Her feet flew her through the deeper, darker parts of the warehouse. The rooms got darker, dustier, and more frightening the deeper she went. As she lifted her stinging eyes from the floor she saw an old, faintly illuminated exit sign. She ran at the door, throwing her small body against it. The hinges were so rusted that it didn't budge.

The Joker counted in his head. 10-9-8... he dropped the gun on the floor. The huge clatter echoed through the empty building. It was like a game of hide and seek. 3-2-1... "READY OR NOT HERE I COME!" He screamed and started running. He had this sixth sense. He seemed to know exactly where she was. He could almost _smell_ her. He was stronger and faster when he was hunting.

A small sob broke through her lips as she threw herself against the door again. It still wouldn't budge. She could feel the dark bruises already forming on her shoulder and hip. After a few more vain attempts, she put her back to the door and slid down the cool metal surface. She pulled her legs up to her chest and cried. There was nothing left to do. She was trapped. She was going to die. What made the situation even more haunting was the fact that it was her very own fault. She ruined it. It was all her fault.

He jumped down the stairs like a maniac. He could hear a slight noise. It was dark the further he went down. Perfect. Finally, he reached the room she was in. His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness. She was going to ruin him if he let this continue. He suddenly hit her across the face. The back of his fist connected solidly with her skin. He sighed. He felt so much better now.

She couldn't help the fact that she made a pathetic little noise when he hit her. Her vision swam, little stars and black holes gouging out gaps of her eyesight. Tears sprung freely from her eyes as her head flew backward into the door. There was a resounding thud. Her skull felt like it would split open. Her teeth dug into her lower lip, drawing blood.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. He backed her into a wall and put both hands on her face holding her still. His voice was quiet and dangerous, "Don't dissappoint me again." A threat from the Joker should definitely never be taken lightly. He released her and walked back up the stairs. The sun was just coming up. The dawn of a new day. He left the old factory to go to someplace darker. He needed to sleep. He had a killer headache.

She stood there, shivering against the cool metal. Her skin was covered in goosebumps. Her eyes felt like sandpaper. Harley slid back down to the ground and whimpered, "My fault. It was my fault..." It was. She should have moved! They both could have gotten in big trouble! They could be dead.


	9. Retrogression

**Authors' Note: **Enjoy!

A few days later

--

The Joker finally returned to the abandoned toy factory. His mood was light. He had gotten a lot of the jewelry from the robbery sold to private collectors and more money meant more crime. Easier to buy supplies than steal them. Although stealing was much more fun. He opened the door. "Honey, I'm home!" he said loudly, his voice echoing through the building.

Harley flinched when she heard his voice. She shut the fridge gently, having been looking through it for the past thirty minutes. She turned her head towards the door. He looked happier. Maybe he was feeling better now. She didn't move though, her face still hurting.

She had an ugly, purple bruise on her face and her eyes were sad. He frowned. He felt odd. The emotion was foreign to him. He approached her slowly, his arm lifted. He touched her cheek gently. "Oh. Did I do this?" he said quietly. His memories were fuzzy of that night.

Her head bobbed up and down, her hair falling into her eyes. She had long ago changed out of her costume and into a pair of normal clothes. Whenever she moved her mouth or eyes, her face hurt. The bruise was horribly ugly. She had only been able to force herself to look at it once.

He had never felt like this before. It was so odd...almost shocking. Disconcerting definitely. "I'm sorry. I...don't know what came over me. I won't do it again. I love you so much, Harley. I just...get so afraid of losing you that it drives me crazy," he sounded genuine when he said it. He always seemed to know what to say.

She looked up at him silently for a second, bright blue eyes searching for an answer. Was he really telling the truth? Well, he hadn't just left her. He had come back for her. If he didn't care, he would've just left her. As this realization washed over her, she leaned in for a hug. "I love you too, Puddin."

Joker's heart almost stopped beating when he thought she wouldn't forgive him. He wouldn't be able to handle abandonment very well. Actually, he didn't plan to be abandoned at all. He felt a huge wave of relief when she made the right decision. He hugged her back, squeezing her petite body against his. They fit so perfectly. They were made for each other. "Did you put something on it?" he asked, still holding on to her.

"I put some ice on it for a long time." Her voice was still quiet. She kept telling herself it was because her throat hurt, not because she was scared. If she hadn't put ice on the bruise it might have been worse, which was hard to imagine.

"Have you had anything to eat?" he asked finally releasing her. He kept a hand on her shoulder. He felt better touching her for some reason. He had spent the last few nights awake. Insomnia was hard to shake off from him. The Joker didn't really like to sleep anyway. It wasn't very safe and he was a very light sleeper. He always woke up at the slightest movement or sound. Even a pin dropping would have been like an alarm.

Harley shook her head back and forth, blond locks swinging. "I haven't been that hungry..." That was a lie. Her stomach had growled more times than she could keep track of, but she wouldn't eat. It was her own form of punishment. Just like in 9th grade when that boy said he would never date her. She knew exactly why she reacted this way. Psychology tells you things about yourself that you don't really want to hear.

"Well, I'm starving. Let's go get something to eat. I know a great place." He took her hand and started pulling her toward the door. His charming smile was back on his face. "It'll be really good. _Pretty please_." He looked so charming when he wanted to. His bright green hair in a messy disarray and his dark purple eyes sparkling.

Harley's heart gave a little flutter, nearly eclipsing her logical thought pattern. "We can go out to eat?" Wouldn't people recognize him? That wouldn't be safe. Not to mention she had a huge bruise on the side of her face and was wearing some old pajamas.

He stopped. "I know the owner of the place quite well. He can get us a private room." He looked her up and down. The pajamas probably wouldn't be exactly appropriate, "Just put on something nice. No one will see us." He was pretty confident in that assumption. If they were seen it would just be a nice surprise.

"All right. I'll be back in a second." Harley hurried over to her clothes, picking out a little black dress and some red high heels. She didn't bother leaving for the bathroom, choosing to strip down to her underwear in the middle of the room. He had seen all of her anyway.

He watched her undress with a grin. The Joker didn't politely avert his eyes. That would have been rude. He always thought that a body should be celebrated and admired. If you looked away from someone, you obviously didn't want to look at them. He really wanted to look at her. "You are so gorgeous, kitten," he purred. He stretched his hand, crackling his wrist. What time was it? Time didn't matter. It didn't end either. Just continued. Forever and ever. Never ending. Was time like a circle? Where was the beginning if there was no end? He was lost in thoughts again. His mind always seem to run in circles just like time did. Never ending loops of madness.

"Thank you, Mistah J." She smiled to herself, having gotten just the reaction she wanted. Soon, the little dress was over her head, hanging just a few inches above her knees. She would have to careful when bending over. Her feet slipped into the red shoes, her hands moving to tie the large red ribbon. She loved these shoes. There was something so joyfully fun about wearing bright red stilettos with a giant bow as the fastening. "I'm ready."

"Let's go then." He took her hand again and walked with her out the door. They decided to take the convertible. Such a flashy car. It was perfect for the special occasion.This was after all the first make-up dinner. It had gone pretty smoothly so far. He drove too fast like always and made his way to the back of a very fancy restaurant. He wore a purple hat to try to downplay the bright green hair. That seemed to always alert people to who he was. Make-up dinner. Hah. He liked the sound of that. Make-up...make out. It seemed to go together.

Harley smiled to herself as they came up to the fancy restaurant. Of course she had been to extravagant places before, but this was even better. It was much more fun because of the risk. Because of who she was with. As they passed a mirror-lined wall, her grin grew. They had to be the sexiest couple alive!

The private room was ornate. It even smelled expensive. How nice. He pulled out her chair for her and than sat down himself. The menu in front of him was full of delicious sounding food.He closed his eyes and ran his finger along the paper stopping at one. That looked good.

The menu was just as well-crafted as the rest of the restaurant. Yes, the place was extravagant, but it wasn't real. The menu was more-or-less the same. The food was made with no doubt more expensive, better ingredients, but the long winded descriptions were written to sell the food, not tell the truth. Harley wasn't stuck up. She just found the materialistic lives of the elite entertaining. Did they really have fun at these social dinners? Where the handsome young men really taking the airheaded girls out to eat because they loved and cared about them? Her family had lived among the elite. It was fun to be spoiled, but very lonely. Admittedly, she didn't quite live in reality now, but she liked this version of insanity much better. There was always insanity, the real question was whether or not a person or group decided to embrace it.

She looked so thoughtful as she scanned the menu. He grinned in pride. His kitten was so perfect. The ideal compliment to his comedic genius. He noticed a small boy standing in the back of the room. The young waiter had slipped in and seemed to afraid to come any closer. He was shaking all over like a leaf. The Joker smiled wide and crooked his finger, "You'll need to take our order at some point kiddo. I don't bark I just bite." He laughed at his own small joke and clicked his white perfect teeth together to make a nice chomping noise just for dramatic effect.

Harley laughed a bit, leveling her eyes with the kid. He didn't seem to shake as much when she looked at him. Maybe it's because she seemed like the nicer option of the two adults before him, which she probably was. "Now, now, don't frighten him too much, Puddin'!"

He laughed and shook his head, "Not many people can handle me that's all." She looked so beautiful is almost hurt when she laughed. He loved making her laugh. It made him feel so...elated. He turned to the boy, "I want the strongest alcoholic drink you could possibly serve and..." he paused to check the menu and said the name of the food in perfect French, "_Coq au vin, s'il vous plaît._"

"I'll have the_ Boeuf Bourguignon_, please." Harley chimed, giving the youth an encouraging smile. The poor thing hadn't said a word. "And a bottle of _Chablis._" She handed over the menu, noticing how his hands were shaking._  
_

The young boy took their menus fumbling with them as he started backing up. He nodded as he backed up. Once he left the room, Joker heard his footsteps pounding down the hall. He was really running. Running fast it sounded like. The Joker laughed so hard his eyes started watering. He must have been the devil himself to make someone run that fast. If only they all were as wise as the boy.

As Joker's laughter floated around her, Harley couldn't help but laugh. Of course, it wasn't really that funny at the core. The boy was frightened. It was no laughing matter. Yet it was so darkly humorous! Just like all those Southern Gothic books she read in school. As she managed to calm down, she caught sight of a mirror on the wall. It was interesting looking at their reflection.

He never got tired of looking at her. She was so proper and he was so...not. She put her napkin in her lap out of habit. All too soon, the food was delivered by the same pathetic boy. He barely managed to get the plates on the table without dropping and Joker barely managed to keep his laughter from exploding. Finally, the boy exited the room again and he grabbed a spoon. It was delicious. He ate the whole bowl in about five minutes. He couldn't remember when he had last eaten. A few days ago maybe? Time blurred together.

Harley ate her food daintily, unable to break the strict rules her parents had set for her. There had been so many time growing up that she just wanted to get dirty, make a mess, or at least shout for once. It was hard being perfect, but perfect is what her parents (especially her father) expected. Her mind drifted back to the mirror. How odd they must look? They were opposites in appearance. Yet, they looked right together.

He noticed her distraction and looked at the mirror as well. He steeled himself for the image. He didn't like looking at himself all that much. Liking to look at yourself made one quite narcissistic. He put his hand under his chin and looked back and forth at the images. Harley was blond, petite, curvy, and her blue eyes accented her angel's face magnificently. His green hair, pale-almost-translucent skin, bright red lips, and odd purple eyes made him definitely stand out as much as she did but in a very different way. They were both heartstoppers in a way. She was beauty divine and he was... unnaturally bizarre.

Suddenly, Harley looked over at Joker with a huge smiled on her lips. Her heart skipped a beat when she looked at him. "So, what're our plans after this, Mistah J?"

His smirk returned easily. "I have a great one. It just needs to fine tuning, more planning." His idea was truly brilliant. This would go off without a hitch he was sure of it. Suddenly, the boy popped back in the room. His eyes stayed on Harley and he seemed to be speaking to her. "Do you w-want something f-for dessert?" The Joker rolled his eyes. Weren't waiters supposed to address the person that was going to pay the bill first? He felt slightly insignificant.

Harley didn't even have to think to answer that question. She always got the same thing at any french restaurant she went to. "I'll have some Crème brûlée." There was something about the dessert that attracted her. Perhaps it was the fact that sometimes they brought it out while it was still on fire. It was exciting and different.

The waiter turned toward the Joker but never made eye contact. The boy looked at his writing pad instead. "I would like the Mousse au Chocolat." The kid nodded and darted from the room. Joker snorted and started tapping a finger on the table. He hoped it wouldn't take long for them to bring it out. He was getting tired of being in public. His eyes drifted back to Harley and he smiled, "Crème brûlée sounds excellent. I'll give you a bite of mine if I can have some of yours."

A shiver ran down her spine at those words. She couldn't help but notice the undertone of his voice. He had the sexiest voice, all rough and raspy from the laughing. "That sounds fine with me, Puddin'." She leaned against the table, flashing a bit of cleavage.

His heart skipped a few beats. Harlequin always seemed to know exactly what to do. He grinned. Just in time, the kid came back in with their desserts. He gave Harley a smile while dumping Joker's dessert unceremoniously on the table. Joker felt his hand tighten into a fist. That little boy better move quickly.

Harley didn't even bat an eyelash at the boy. True, he showed the potential of being very handsome when he grew up, but he wasn't at all her type. She liked things a little more...exotic. A smile graced her lips as she blew on her dessert. It looked like it might burn her tongue if she tried to eat it right away.

The Joker had just taken a mouthful of mousse when the door opened. He swallowed it quickly, annoyed that the boy was interrupting their dinner again. He glanced at the doorway and saw the most hideous sight one could ever lay eyes on. He dropped his spoon on the table and the metallic clink seemed to echo through the room. Joker stood up. His vision was hazy red and adrenaline rushed through his veins. The extreme hatred he felt was all-consuming. "Batman," he snarled viciously, "Have you come to join the fun?"

"Not really, Joker." Batman answered, preparing himself for battle. He glanced over at the gorgeous young woman sitting at the table. Joker must have taken her hostage. "What're you up to?"

Harley didn't know what to do. She stayed seated, waiting for a cue from Mistah J. He would know exactly what to do! God, Batman was so stupid. They weren't doing anything but having a nice dinner! They were even gonna pay for it!

The Joker burst out into laughter. He wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh, Batsy. You always ask the stupidest questions. Did you just want to come by for a chat? I'm a bit too busy to catch up on old times," he grinned. Batman needed to go rot and die. How Joker would love to get his hands around Batty's scrawny little neck. Joker's mind started to calculate. Would it be better to fight or run and save it for another day when he had a better plan in mind? He kept his eyes on Batman the whole time. He had learned from experience to always look out. One never knew when Battie could snap.

Batman narrowed his eyes at Joker. What was he trying to play at? Obviously he was up to something! He always was Batman remained perfectly still, not wanting to provoke any unecessary fighting in front of the girl. "I'm not here to chat, Joker. I'm here to help someone." He had gotten a tip that Joker was at dinner with some blonde bombshell and that he might have kidnapped her. Batman was here to save her.

Harley rose an eyebrow at that, looking around the room. Who the heck was he there to save? The only other people in the room were her and Joker. Batman must be losing it...

Joker's eyes widened as he pretended to look around the room. He shook his head a manic grin still glued to his face, "Well, Batty. Just who are you going to rescue?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. How could one man be such a complete idiot. It was almost comical how stupid Batman was. Joker was just itching to punch him in the face.

Was Joker trying to act dumb? That was a waste of his time. Batman knew how dangerous and smart Joker was. "I'm here to rescue her!" He gestured at the girl, still sitting there, looking a little more than confused. Why wasn't she moving, trying to run away? She must still be scared.

Harley let her mouth fall open a bit.How could the city of Gotham look up to this man? He was a pig-headed idiot! Was it so hard to believe that she may be here of her own free will? He might have noticed that had he not just burst into the room, ruining their lovely dinner!

The Joker's mouth fell open. Batman...trying to rescue...Harley? "WHAT?" he screamed. He was so mad he could barely see straight. He clenched his fists tighter to keep from spontaneously combusting. "Let me get this straight. YOU think that she DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE." His voice was rising and his whole body was shaking with the effort of not going for Batman right that moment. How dare Batman think that he was keeping Harley hostage! Joker was suddenly struck with brillance. Once he captured Batman, he should really castrate him. Batman didn't have any balls anyway. Joker whirled around to face Harley. His angel. "Kitten, would you like to leave?" His voice became warmer. How could she want to go?

Harley looked at him tenderly, "No, Pudding, I'd never wanna leave." She whirled on Batman then, standing up finally. "You! Do you have any idea what you just did!"

Batman stood as still as a statue, trying to process what was going on. This beautiful woman wanted to stay...with the Joker. She hadn't been kidnapped...Did they have some sort of relationship?

"Hey! I'm talkin' to you!" She put her hands on her hips, "You've ruined a perfectly good dinner, which we were planning to pay for!"

Joker shook his head, annoyed. He was supposed to handle Batsy. Batman in his padded suit that him look like he needed to wear a bra. The Joker couldn't help but chuckle at that one. "I think it's time for the party to end. Toodles, Batty!" He pulled out a stun grenade and threw it at Batman's feet. The blinding flash and explosion gave Joker time to get in one solid punch. The crunch told him he could have possibly broken a bone which gave Joker such an elated feeling. It was a satisfying noise. He spun around as the smoke billowed and grabbed Harley by the arm. They needed to get out of here fast. He didn't want to have Harley around if he had to kill Batman.

Harley ran in the direction that she was being pulled, her eyes watering from the dust that had flew into the air after the explosion She managed to slip her hand into Joker's, liking that better than being pulled. His hand was so strong.

Joker pushed Harley toward the passenger side of the car and managed to get in the driver's seat while jamming the key in the ignition. He revved the engine and the car screeched as he pushed the pedal to the floor. He looked in the rearview mirror and saw no Batman. Another day Joker would kill him. Another day. It would have to be carefully executed. Killing Batman had to be Joker's greatest masterpiece.

Harley looked over at her Angel with her eyebrows drawn down. Now she understood why Joker hated Batman so much. Seeing the Joker's life was so much different than hearing about it in Arkham. He didn't let on how much pain he went through with anyone he made contact with. Everyone treated him horribly.The waiter, Batman...All because he looked a bit different and acted on his own impulses. "Puddin..."

"What, Harley? Got a new theory on how to fix me?" he said coldly. His jammed his foot on the gas pedal harder. The red tinge to his vision was fading but his hatred for Batman still coursed through his veins. He drummed his fingers on the wheel. He really wanted to kill Batman. Running him over would be nice. Joker had to be patient through. He had to wait until the opportune moment. His mind started playing scenarios.

She flinched a bit at his tone, as if each word had been a knife. "No..." Her voice was timid and small. Harley wasn't sure if she wanted to "fix" Joker any more. "I just wanted to tell you...I love you."

He stiffened at her words. He didn't really believe her all that much. It's just what she wanted him to think. Manipulation. They finally rounded the corner and he pulled into their hideout. He was torn between figuring out new ways to kill Batman or continuing details of the latest dramatic comedy. He sighed as he turned off the engine. He should probably pick the more logical choice. He wanted to hit the next place tomorrow night after all and details needed to be finalized.

Harley had looked down at her hands when he ignored her reassurance. She had noticed the slight stiffening in his muscles. Joker did that when bracing himself against something. Did he not believe her? How could he not believe her? She had thrown away so much to prove it, what more could she do? Sadness began pooling in the pit of her stomach.


	10. Boisterous

**Authors' Note:** Hehe. Prepare for some fun and excitement. :)

Joker got out of the car and walked slowly toward his worktable. He sat down and unrolled a blueprint. Shoot. He still had to finish the sculpture. That would take a while. He tapped a finger on the table and started scribbling on the sheet. He pushed Batman to the back of his mind.

Harley shuffled over to where she kept her clothes, pulling her short dress over her head and kicking her shoes off. She looked back over her shoulder at Joker, hunched over his worktable. Harley set her jaw, standing up straight again. Well, if he didn't believe her words then he would have to settle for action. She walked over to the worktable, swaying her hips, "Ahem..."

He pretended to ignore her. What did she want now? He started to sketch out the floor plan. However, Joker should probably thank her for not choosing to go with Batsy. Like she ever would... The whole Batman episode brought up a sore point though. Obviously, Batman thought that someone as smart and beautiful as Harleen Quinzel shouldn't be with...someone like the Joker. It hurt his pride to think that most people thought like Batty did. They believed he wasn't good enough to have a partner in crime...a lover...even a friend. The Joker should work alone.

The sadness flashed through her eyes quickly, but she pushed it away. This was no time for her to feel hurt. Joker was hurting on the inside more than he let on. She leaned against the edge of the table, showing off her lacy bra. "Ahem!" Harley looked up at him through her lashes, gently tugging at his jacket sleeve.

He shook his arm to get her lingering touch off. "Not now, Harley. I'm busy," he ground out. His purple eyes met sky blue ones for a second. He swallowed. She smelled so good kinda like a delicate rose. His mouth watered slightly but he managed to turn his attention back to the more pressing matter. He ran a hand through his bright green hair frustrated. He couldn't **focus** when she was so close. It was an assault on his senses. His mind couldn't function properly. He felt too hot. His tie was constricting around his neck.

A smile broke out across her lips as she saw the slight changes in him. She stood, sauntering to stand behind his chair. Harley leaned over, letting her hand slide under his jacket to massage his chest. She purred in his ear, "Why not, Puddin'?"

He stood up needing to get away from her touch. It was all too alluring. He clenched his teeth together and held his hands by his side. "Kitten, really. I need to get this done. I have big plans and a big show to put on!" he said exasperated. He had a feeling he was going to lose this battle. He backed up a few more steps. Distance was good. He could think clearer when he wasn't so close.

"Don't you wanna take a break, Mistah J?" She pouted her lips and rose an eyebrow. He was calling her "kitten" again! That meant he wasn't as mad anymore! "Just a little break..."

He put his hands up in front of him. "I shouldn't take a break. All work and no play..." he stopped in the middle of the sentence. He loosened his tie. He couldn't keep his eyes off her. Her legs were shapely and long. Her skin was creamy pink. Her blond hair was fell down to her shoulders in a cascade of waves. He wanted her, there was no denying that fact.

Harley flashed him a dazzling smile, taking a few steps closer. "Here, let me help you, Puddin'." She slipped his jacket off, carefully putting it on the back of the chair. Then she slid her hands up under his shirt, loving how she could feel each of his muscles.

He put his hands on her elbows intending to push her away. He sighed and tried to summon up some effort to resist but failed miserably. A grin suddenly spread across his face, "You win, kitten." He pulled her against him and kissed her. His tongue traced her smooth lips. Her body fit so nicely against his. They really were made for each other.

Harley let out a giggle that sounded like bells. At least he would believe her this way! She would have to work on making sure he knew she was lying when she said it out loud. Slowly, she backed them up, heading for the king-sized bed. As she started to help Joker with his shirt, a funny thought crossed her mind. Batman probably wasn't getting laid right now. He was probably too busy looking through all of his records.

Joker kissed her harder. He loved the feel of her lips against his. He unzipped her costume and started peeling it off. She was so beautiful. He fought for control over his hands. It was hard to keep his emotions locked up when he was this intoxicated.

Harley fumbled with the buttons on Joker's shirt. She finally managed to pull it off. She sighed. Mistah J's chest was like a perfect sculpture of masculinity. He had rock hard muscles underneath the flawless pale skin. She put her hand over his heart. She could feel it pound beneath her fingers. His skin was burning hot.

Joker pushed Harley back on the bed. She was down to her underwear now. He grinned and stripped off the rest of his clothes. He wanted to hear her scream tonight. He pinned her arms above her head easily and kissed her collarbone. His lips gently brushing her skin. Her blond hair spilled all over the bed. Joker released her hands with a whisper, "Keep them there." He moved down her body slowly concentrating on the parts that made her shiver or gasp. He finally stopped once he got down to her lacy underwear. He pressed a kiss to the middle of the fabric and felt her arch her hips. She wanted him badly. He grinned.

Harley was one big sweltering zone of wanting. She couldn't think about anything else just Joker's hands and lips. He was so good with his hands.

Joker slipped a finger beneath the panties and slowly pulled them down inch by inch. He licked a trail down Harley's inner thigh to the sensitive skin beneath her knees. He felt her shudder underneath him. The underwear was soon on the floor with the rest of their clothes and he made his way back up between her thighs. "Open your legs," he commanded.

She could feel his warm breath against her core. She sucked in a huge breath. She had almost stopped breathing.

Harley complied readily and Joker pressed his tongue against her center. She was wet. He explored all of her so maddeningly slow she was ready to beg. "Please. Please," the little Harlequin's voice was barely audible.

Joker smiled and ran his tongue over her opening again. He felt her hips move up again. "Please what?" He asked teasing her. She had almost completely surrendered. "Isn't this what you wanted?" Joker grinned and slid a finger against her throbbing flesh.

Her breath caught in her throat. Joker was devilishly good at whatever he was doing. She felt her cheeks burn, but she was way past embarrassment now. "I need you inside of me. Now," she said hoarsely. Her hands had moved of their own accord down to grip his hair. She moved her fingers through the green tangles until she could feel his skull.

He shook his head. "What's the magic word, kitten?" he said softly as he moved up her body. He kissd her mouth when he reached it. The taste of her was so good.

"Please," Harley's lips barely moved.

Joker smiled, "Good girl." He pushed inside of her in one long thrust and established a slow and deep rhythm. She screamed his name when he started to feel her inner muscles tighten around him. He let go and just let instinct guide him. He loved the release of the tension and pressure when it came. So rejuvanating.

Joker woke up in the middle of the night. He never slept well but somehow sleeping next to Harley made him a bit better than usual. He had least got a couple hours of interrupted rest. He gently tucked her hair behind her ear. She was sound asleep. Perfect. He walked over toward the huge block of stone. He had a lot of sculpting to do. Hm...should he sculpt her naked or clothed? Probably with clothes. He smirked. Only the Joker should get to see Harley without clothes.

A few hours passed before Harley woke up. She felt fully refreshed from her wonderful night's sleep! With a little yawn, she managed to get up out of bed. It was time to make her morning cup of coffee! Yummy french vanilla coffee! She was already putting the water in the coffee maker when she heard an odd noise. It sounded like something being chiseled. Weird...

The Joker was putting finishing touches on the statue. They would have to take the truck to haul this. It really was beautiful. Joker had such a wonderful subject. He chiseled the last piece and stepped back to admire. Perfect. He looked at the time. They were running behind schedule. He needed to get some clothes on and start loading everything so they would be ready to go by the time the museum closed.

Harley sipped at her coffee, walking towards the sound of chiseling. What in the world was Mistah J doing? As she rounded the corner, coffee nearly shot out of her nose. "Oh my gosh!" She could hardly believe what she was seeing. Was that her?

Joker turned around. He smiled at the amazed expression on her face. He felt...happier seeing her. "Did you sleep well, kitten?" He walked towards her. She had at least put on a robe. He still didn't have on a stitch of clothing.

A huge, childish smile blossomed on Harley's face as she looked from the statue to her Angel. She bit her lip before flinging herself at him, dropping her coffee in the process. Harley wrapped her arms around his stomach and stood on tiptoe to give him the biggest kiss ever. This had to be one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for her!

He wrapped his arms around her waist. She still smelled good. He picked her up easily and carried her to their room. "Time to get a move on sweet," he said lightly kissing her nose. He put her down to find something to wear. Hm...boxers or briefs? Always a crucial issue.

Harley was still in a state of semi-shock. She slipped into her costume while voicing her complete amazement, "How'd you do that, Mistah J!? I didn't know you could sculpt!" God, he was just wonderful!

"I'm an artist at heart," he grinned and chose the boxers. He dressed within five minutes and wandered off the the supply room. He efficiently picked out supplies and a few weapons...just in case. He grabbed the two duffel bags and walked out to the huge truck. He had stolen it a long time ago knowing he would need it for a moment like this. The sculpture was big and bulky but not too heavy. The stone was fairly porous which made it light enough for him to carry.

By the time Joker had taken care of loading the truck, Harley was all dressed up in her fabulous costume. The make up was the most time consuming part. She had to be super careful around her eyes. Her heart was still fluttering. He had made a sculpture of her and was going to use it in their new plan! "All right, Puddin! I'm ready!"


	11. Astonished

**Authors' Note**: Hello, lovely readers. I'm so sorry for not posting a chapter sooner. School has been crazy busy. Thank you for your patience. :)

Remember to tell us what you think (Review!).

**--**

"Let's roll then," he said after he put the sculpture carefully in the back. He tapped the wheel waiting impatiently for her to get in. What would they get? The Egyptian papyrus definitely. Probably the Bernini piece they would have to take. He could replace that one with the sculpture of Harley. Everything was coming together quite nicely if they could just get there. The museum was closed by now and the night shift should be starting pretty soon which meant the guards would be switching and distracted. Perfect opportunity.

She scrambled into the large truck, having to work a bit more at just getting into the cab. It was a little high off the ground, and being petite did not help her situation. Once she was in her seat, Harley fastened her seat belt and smiled. This would be so much fun! She would prove to him that she was a good sidekick! Not like last time...

He started the car and pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The museum was in the middle of downtown Gotham. It shouldn't take them long to get there since he was going as fast as the truck's engine could. He slowed down as they approached the museum and swung into the back employee parking lot. It was deserted. No one wanted to be out on a night like this. The sky was cloudy and dark. The moon's light was obliterated.

Harley glanced at him, wondering what in the world was going to happen next. He hadn't told her much about this plan. Her heart pounded a bit when wind coming through the open window ruffled his hair. She had to remind herself not to swoon.

Joker scoped out the entrances. The easiest way to get the statue in was going to be through the loading area. They could use one of the huge carts that the museum kept to move large art pieces. That way they could also take the Bernini sculpture much easier. He would send Harley to get the Egyptian papyrus. She couldn't screw that one up. Then, while she was doing that, he could look for the most expensive painting the place had. Most of the rarest pieces were in the European gallery. He chewed his lip and maneuvered the huge truck around. The keypad was easily decoded by a nifty electronic gadget and he backed the truck next to the loading ramp. Luckily, no one was lurking around this area.

Through out the whole process, Harley remained as silent and still as the dead. There was no way she was going to ruin this plan. Firstly, she did not feel like getting beat up again. That wasn't the most fun way to spend her time. Secondly, this is exactly the sort of thing she used to imagine as a little girl. What did these big museums need the art for anyway? All it was going to do in this place was sit and waste away. You had to pay to enjoy it. Art should be free, not locked up in a brick house. She finally turned her head to glance at Joker. He looked like he was in serious thought. It suited him. In fact, what look didn't suit him? She caught herself smiling at the thought and had to quickly remind herself that this was serious business.

He finally turned toward Harley and took her hand. "Okay, sweet. I need you to go to the Egyptian gallery and get a roll of papyrus for me. Here's what you'll need," he paused and reached down to grab a small bag at her feet. He set it on her lap. She would be able to cut the glass and disable any motion detectors/alarms. He gave a small smile and kissed her on the cheek, "You'll do fine, Harlequin. Time for the opening act." He let go of her and jumped out of the truck. Joker could be deadly silent when he wanted to be and he would need that skill tonight.

One deep breath in, a controlled sigh out. Harley slid out of the truck, clutching the straps of the bag tightly in both of her hands. Weren't there any guards here? She slinked through the shadows, already quite familiar with the place. Every year her high school had taken at least one field trip to the Gotham Museum of Art. The Egyptian wing had never been her favorite, but she still knew her way to and through it. When she reached the main lobby, through which she would have to pass to get to her final destination, she saw a beam of light. Her body tensed as the shadowy figure of a man stepped around the corner, his hand gripped around a flashlight. Instinct kicked in at that point. Harley wasn't any fighter, but she knew how to sneak around someone. She edged along the walls, making as little noise as possible, until she was finally clear of him.

Joker sighed. Hopefully, everything would go as planned. Maybe there would even be a curtain call. He chuckled to himself. He grabbed the loading cart and lifted the statue of Harley onto it. This would be pretty easy. He would knock out the guards as he found them. It would be like Whack-a-Mole. Such a delightful game. Even better when applied to real life. He whistled a cheerful tune as he pulled the cart through the museum. A guard rounded the corner. WHACK. One down. Nose broken too. Extra bonus points for that one. He grinned. There was such a thrill in executing masterpieces.

As she entered the Egyptian corridor a slight electronic frequency resonated with her brain. It was exactly a sound, but more of an electronic feeling. Like the thrum of a laptop but on a much larger scale. Harley rummaged in the bag that Joker had given her, pulling out a spray can. She quickly read the label, realizing that she had picked the right item after all. Soon the electronic frequency was revealed to be an array of criss-crossing lasers. Oh this would be fun.

Joker continued to make his way to the sculpture exhibit. Five down so far. He hadn't even gotten a scratch. Finally, he made it to the huge atrium. The Bernini sculpture was the center piece. It really was beautiful. A woman almost completely naked. Her tunic has seemingly slipped off her shoulders had gracefully pooled around her feet. He felt the jolt of lust like electricity. It slid from the base of his neck all the way down his spine. Harley and Joker would have to celebrate their crime. Chocolate would have to be involved. He shook his head. He needed to focus. He quickly shoved the Harley sculpture off the cart and muscled the Bernini piece up the ramp. It was heavier than he had expected it to be. He grunted with the effort of pushing it. His muscles straining and his fingers slipping against the cold marble.

She took another deep breath, looking down at her feet to make sure she had appropriate shoes for what she was about to try. It was good she had opted to wear tennis shoes. She slid the duffel bag across the floor, right under all of those gleaming lasers. Then she lept off of the ground, twisting, turning, and rolling through the lasers. It was like dancing, but a little more dangerous. At one point she even managed to run along the wall. She would probably regret this the next day when her muscles started cramping up

Something lurked in the shadows. Watching. Waiting. This girl in the clown costume was good at what she did. She made it through the lasers unscathed and with no equipment. Impressive. A slow clap echoed through the room. With a little more practice, clown girl could be an excellent thief.

Harley spun around, quickly scooping up the bag she had slid past the lasers, "Huh? Who's there?" How had she not heard a guard coming? Those buffoons are always really loud! Why would a guard clap for her anyway?

A woman stepped out of the darkness. Her red hair glinted in the light. She was dressed in a green costume and held a big box. Her face was beautiful almost angelic if not for the devilish smirk on her red lips. Her porcelain skin, green eyes, and long legs made her a heart...crusher. "I don't think we've met," she said in a sultry voice. Her eyes sparkled.

Harley couldn't help but keep her body tense. This woman had caught her quite off guard. She was really relieved that there weren't any guards near by, but was this any better? Her voice sounded faintly familiar and after a few seconds of staring at the beautiful face she realized who she was dealing with. Poison Ivy. She had been in Arkham when Harleen started working there. Maybe it would be best not to let on that she knew who Ivy was, "No, I don't think we have."

The woman freed a green-gloved hand, "I'm Poison Ivy. You are?" She smiled. Poison Ivy had always wanted a good comrade. Maybe this girl would take up her offer. She had a lot of promise. Life with the plants sometimes got a bit lonely. Ivy always liked to spice things up.

She hesitantly held out her hand for the other woman to shake, "I'm Harley Quinn." A smile finally broke out across her lips. Who would have thought that being a "criminal" would earn her friends?

"Harley Quinn. So good to meet you," Ivy raised an eyebrow and looked her from head to toe, "Nice costume too." She released Harley's hand and put it back on the box. Clown...clown. It looked too familiar.

"The pleasure's all mine!" She grinned, putting her hand back on the strap of the duffel bag. "Now, I'd really like to stay and chat, but Mistah J's expecting me to get something for him. I bet you've got stuff to do anyway..." It would be nice to actually talk to someone else for a change, but she really couldn't keep Joker waiting.

Poison Ivy's jaw dropped. She quickly snapped it shut. "Mistah J.? You mean the Joker? You work with the Joker?" her tone changed to a scathing one. The Joker was an abominable sexist pig. Ivy already felt her knee tingling. He deserved to be kicked in the groin a few times. Maybe that would solve his hideous ego.

"Umm...Yeah, we're a team!" Harley chimed happily, hefting her bag up onto her shoulders. "He sent me to get some papyrus while he takes care of the sculpture." Okay, telling Poison Ivy that she was with any male of any type was not a good idea. It didn't help any that the certain male she was with was the Joker. Ivy and Mistah J didn't seem to be on good terms as it was.

Ivy frowned even more at her statement. Joker never had a "team." He had people working underneath him. People that he treated like scum. "Listen, Harley. If you ever need any help, feel free to come by," Poison Ivy managed to pull out a small card out of her pocket while balancing the box. She pressed into Harley's hand. Suddenly, she felt a presence. Ivy turned and saw a flash of purple. A fist was coming toward her. She growled a curse and ducked. Ivy heard Joker's grunt of pain a felt a nice dose of satisfaction. She set her package down on the ground.

Joker clutched his side. He clenched his teeth together. What the fuck? Why was Poison Ivy here? Why was Harley NOT getting the papyrus. He flicked his gaze over to the girl in question. Her hands were empty. No papyrus. He growled in frustration. "Poison Ivy, you look so..._green_. Any spring fever?" he laughed harshly. He clenched his hands into fists. They were wasting precious time in this little reunion.

Her hands fumbled a bit as she slipped the card down the front of her costume and into her bra securely. She quickly started making her way over to Joker, "Puddin', don't worry about her. We still have time to make your plan work." She tried to smile as best she could. He looked absolutely livid. It brought back memories of the last time he had been angry.

He was fuming. "Harley, go do your job," he said coldly. A guard could see them at any moment and set off an alarm. That was the last thing they needed. Joker still had to go to the European gallery as well. Poison Ivy's petty voice cut through his thoughts, "Joker. I see you're still the same selfish, egotistical jerk." He laughed, wiping a pretend tear from his eye. "Poison Ivy you are still the same plant-obsessed, feminist freak. Have you figured out how to mate with your flowers yet? I heard it was their breeding season."

Poison Ivy's eyes widened. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" she screamed throwing herself toward Joker. She wanted really wanted to kill him. All it would take was one fatal kiss. Even Joker wouldn't be immune to the plant toxin. Unfortunately for Ivy, Joker was ready this time. He dodged her attack and threw her off balance. Poison Ivy became a sprawled heap on the floor.

Harley swallowed the lump in her throat and started running towards the papyrus display. If she was quick, she would be able to get a few sheets and be back in time to calm Joker down. Maybe if she was lucky he would be calm when she got back. Yes, and pigs could fly.

Poison Ivy quickly rolled to her feet. She knew she couldn't fight Joker here. She grabbed her box and ran toward the hallway. She smiled. Ivy did know how to hit below the belt. She ran straight through the lasers. A siren screeched on. Now, Joker wouldn't get to have his crime spree. Ivy's laugh ran through the museum.

Joker saw her intentions a moment too late. He could have stopped her if he had lunged for her a bit sooner. He missed Ivy's arm by a few inches. NO. NO. NO. The alarm screeched shrilly and now all the guards would be alerted. He screamed in frustration. His mind working through reality too fast. He wouldn't have time to get the European painting now...unless he wanted to get caught and go to Arkham. He turned around. Where was Harley? "HARLEY!! TIME TO GO **NOW**," his voice echoed through the room over the siren. He was going to kill something.

Harley's ears rang as she tried to block out the noise of the siren. No! She was not going to let this be a complete disaster. Dumping the contents of the duffel bag on the floor, she wrapped the material around her hand. With one well placed punch, she broke through the glass, gasping as little bits cut through the bag's polyester material. She grabbed a few sheets of papyrus and placed them in the bag before taking off as fast as she could. "I'M COMING!"

He started to run for the truck. Two guards showed up. He hit them and knocked them out efficiently. He should have brought his machine gun. It would have made things much quicker. He could hear more footsteps coming. There were more guards than he thought. Soon, they would be putting the whole museum on lockdown which meant that the steal door that was between the loading area and the outside world wouldn't open. Joker had to get out before they pressed the lockdown button.

Her lungs burned as she pressed her way through the museum hallways. Harley could feel her pulse in her hand as it throbbed in pain. The air stung the cuts on her hand as she ran as fast as she could. Heavy boots thumped all around her, forcing her to take risky shortcuts. As she ran, she rummaged through the bag with her good hand, looking for a gas bomb of some sort. There had to be one!

He ran faster. His muscles burning from the strain. Almost there. He was so angry it hurt. A cold anger. Very unusual for the Joker. Everything was ruined. His whole masterpiece had fallen into pieces around him. He tried to distract himself... hitting the guards harder seemed to work. He had made it to the loading area in one piece.

The doors were closing! With one last burst of energy, Harley through herself through the doors, just making it before the steel barriers closed. She didn't stop to breathe. They weren't out of this mess yet. Soon, she was strapped into her seat, holding the duffel bag close to her chest. At least she got the papyrus...


	12. Misfortune

Joker jammed his foot on the gas pedal as soon as the truck could clear the door. He clutched the wheel desperately digging his fingers into the leather. They needed to go faster. They were going to get caught at this rate. He heard a distant siren. They needed to relocate. Joker never stayed in one place for too long. The abandoned factory was too familiar. He needed a change of scenery.

Harley looked over at him cautiously. The anger was evident in everything from the tension in his shoulders to the way his jaw was set in place. She swallowed a lump in her throat, not brave enough to speak a word. He was going to fly into a tantrum before too long. Maybe she could try to calm him down. Was there anything that could calm him down?

He thought quickly. Images flying through his head much faster than words ever could. The old housing projects in the inner city. That would be the place. It had a bed and every thing he needed. Plus, it would be a great location for terrorizing Gotham's lovely municipal government. It had been a long time since they had a laugh. He chuckled to himself but it came out much louder than he meant it to be. He then remembered _she_ was in the truck. He felt his green hair stand up on end.

She saw his muscles tense even further under the purple suit. Unlike many other people in Gotham, Harley didn't let body language go unnoticed. As a psychologist, it was very beneficial, not only to know how a patient was truly feeling, but also to protect yourself from possible outrage. At this moment, she would say Joker had gone past the typical level of anger. A ragged breath escaped her lips as she flexed her hand without thinking. It hurt so much...

He drove too fast down the narrow Gotham streets. They arrived within five minutes to the new hideout. It was a dark, dismal place. His favorite kind. The old government housing projects had turned into slums. They were supposed to eliminate the poor and downtrodden of Gotham but only aided the growth. After the stupid city leaders had seen the problems that came with the projects, they shut it down. Joker gave it a year and made sure the place was deserted before he set up camp. The rusty, barbed wire gates stopped most people. Joker had taken one floor of the apartment building and torn down most of the interior walls. He liked big open spaces. There wasn't much room to hide and he could see everything around him.

Harley waited for the engine to die down before slipping gracefully out of the passenger seat. As soon as she could, she took in a few deep breaths of dirty city air. Breathing properly had been a problem since Ivy set off that horrible alarm. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness and what she saw filled her with a mix of emotions she couldn't quite comprehend. Anyone with half a brain would be able to realize what these old slums had once been. The government had created puppet houses for the impoverished lower class of Gotham. They had never been real houses, made out of false dreams, lead-based paint, and termite-infested wood. They were just mockeries of the rich life. Come to think of it, it was even more despicable to taunt Gotham with such buildings. They were only fake versions, glimpses of the things the rich had. What better way to break the morale of the poor? She shivered, eyes watering, "Why're we here?"

"Because we needed to move. I can't stay in one place for more than a few weeks. You should know that, Harley," he snarled the words. He slammed the truck door so hard the glass wobbled, almost shattering. He walked toward the building. The old door had a cleverly disguised padlock on it. He pulled out a huge rings of keys from his back pocket. Which was the one to this door? He started trying them. One by one he shoved them into the keyhole. His hands shaking with the effort of pretend patience. He was sick of pretending. Pretending to be better than he really was. What is better anyway? To the Joker, good depends on the eye of the beholder.

Her feet pitter-pattered on the group as she walked up behind him. She really should have known that. It was completely obvious. There were cracks in his facade, and she could see right through them. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but not just physically. At this moment, there was something deep inside of him that needed help. She wanted to help, but fear held her back. Oddly, she was reminded of her first day in kindergarten. It was a beautiful new world, but ominous and strange at the same time.

He felt her presence. She was invading his space, his life, his mind. He had thought he already was insane. How could he go any crazier? He whirled around and grabbed her before she could retreat. His fingers snapped around her fragile little wrists like chains. Why was she still here? Why did she stay? Was he still just her patient? Did she feel obligated to treat him...to make him _better_? He hated that word viciously. Better. Best. Good. He was never better and he could never be well, whole... normal.

He wanted to shake her out of her silly delusion. Delusion of happiness. Idyllic happiness was such a disease.

Harley let out a pathetic whimper as his skin and bone fingers crushed her wounded hand. She looked up at him, eyes wide. Her heart rate had nearly tripled in the last millisecond. How had he moved so quickly? There was an anger in him that she couldn't define. Definitions. They're funny things. They're only words. Words are not all that powerful in the end. Are words even adequate?

He couldn't decide. Joker couldn't decide whether he wished she would go away or stay. It was as if two parts of himself were being pulled in two different directions. He shoved her away. She made him so confused, so angry. He usually was able to make the quick and logical decision. But, there was no logic where she was involved. He didn't have a quick answer. He wanted to rip all his hair out. He turned back toward the door and shoved in another key. Click. The right one.

Thank God she didn't trip. There wasn't anything around to fall on but barbed wire. That wouldn't have made the situation any better. She carefully walked behind him, this time leaving a foot or so between them. The inside of the run down "home" was dark. Her mind created moving shadows, tricking her eyes and sending a spike of fear straight through her body. She held the bag out to Joker, still standing fairly far back, "Um...I got the papyrus, Puddin."

He stopped. His fists clenched. "You what?" he said quietly, his voice sounded dead. The surroundings of the building were grim. He hadn't been here in a long, long time. Hopefully, there weren't rats. Usually, he had some henchmen check up on his places to make sure they were still habitable but probably those that had been loyal to him had moved on to someone else when he was in Arkham. He needed to hire a new gang.

"I g-got the Papyrus..." She repeated, her voice still very quiet. Harley looked over at him through the darkness, trying to discern any signs of emotion, be it anger or happiness. She didn't like not being able to see his face much. It told her so much.

He stepped toward her unable to help himself. "Did you get all of it?" he said louder. He was interested now. How would she have been able to get it? He was with her the whole time. Poison Ivy had obviously distracted her.

"I-I d-don't know..." She grimaced at the stutter in her voice. It was horrible. Harley held out the duffel bag with her good hand, trying to keep herself from flinching away a bit. Hopefully she got most, if not all, of it. Then he would be happy right?

He grabbed the bag from her. Maybe everything wouldn't be so ruined after all. The show could go on, right? He fumbled with the zipper in his haste to pull it open. There should be seven pieces of the papyrus. He started counting. It wouldn't be worth anything if he didn't have all the pieces together. One, two, three, four... Joker's hand searched around the bottom of the bag. There was nothing but the plastic. He felt his anger hit him again. So hot and blinding that he felt choked by it. "It's not all here," he said the words mechanically.

Harley looked at him, horror evident in her shimmering eyes. "I'm so-sorry Puddin'. I meant to get it, but there wasn't time, because Ivy pulled the alarm." She held up her hand, the blood finally drying. "I had to punch the glass to get the papyrus out..."

"I asked you to do one thing, Harley!" he yelled. His arms were shaking with the effort of holding back. "You can't even do one thing right. Why are you such a disappointment?" he asked the question in a serious voice. He pushed her back away from him. Stupid girl. He didn't have any use for someone like her. He should get rid of her.

Harley walked forward a bit, holding her arms out in front of him, "I'm sorry, Puddin'. It's not really my fault though. I tried my hardest." She tried to keep her tone free of fear and her look serious instead of panic-stricken. He wasn't going to bully her! They should have an equal relationship.

Something inside him snapped. "If you had tried your hardest, you would have gotten it all," he growled. He couldn't keep it locked up anymore. His anger was too all-consuming. His nails dug so far into the palm of his hands, he could feel the blood dripping from the cuts.

"I couldn't have! Ivy distracted me..." Her voice had risen to a higher level now. There was an edge of panic there. "At least I managed to get something." She regretted saying that the second it left her mouth.

He hit her. The sound of it gave him a nice feeling. Why fight the impulse? He had never been one to deny what he really wanted. She deserved it. She had failed him. He didn't treat failure lightly. It was usually a death sentence. He felt his fingers tighten around her neck. "At least you got something?" he mocked her pathetic voice. He could have gotten the papyrus all by himself. He would have killed Poison Ivy so she couldn't be a bitch to the rest of mankind forever. He had trusted Harley. He hated how she made him feel. He hated how he didn't feel himself around her. He didn't want to trust anyone. He didn't **need** to trust anyone. He hit her again. The violence of it made his adrenaline rush.

A shrill little scream escaped her lips despite the fact that she had clenched her jaw as tightly as possible. His hand stung her face, leaving future bruises. The hot tears boiled down her cheeks. She wanted to scream and never stop. Didn't he love her? Yes, he had to. Then why was he hitting her? Was there any logic? Then again, was there logic in anything after all?


	13. Sanctuary

**Authors' Note:** I'm so very, very sorry to not have posted up another chapter sooner. Ariana and I haven't written much past this which means that the new chapters probably won't be posted as frequently because we have yet to write them. There will still be new chapters in the near future though. Don't fret!

Thank you for your patience and all the amazing reviews! Don't hesitate to drop us a line. :)

...

He couldn't stop. He started to laugh. It was crazy. Insane. He couldn't control anything anymore. His hands, his thoughts, his mind. It was too much. Everything was bright. Time seemed to speed up. So exhilarating. His head hurt. Repetitive motion. The sweeping emotion of relief tangled with pain and something else he couldn't put a name on seemed to hit his chest with force.

Harley let out a little scream as her body was thrown across the room like a rag doll. Her skin scraped across the floor as her back rammed into the still slightly open door. Instinct made her hand wrap around the door and pull it open. She managed to crawl out of the dirt-covered room, cradling her face in her hands. It took her a few moments to realize that it was raining. No, storming.

He let her go. He felt...hollow inside. As if there were nothing there but empty thoughts. An emotional discharge always left him drained but never before had it been like this. He was a ghost. Insubstantial. Numb. Dead. He walked up the stairs to the "living area" and started pulling off his clothes. He could feel the blood dripping off his fingers. It wasn't his blood. He went toward the bathroom which was covered in filth and flipped the faucet for the shower on. The water was brown at first but finally starting coming out mostly clear. There was no water heater in this building. The water was freezing hitting his skin like needles of ice. He could feel the cobwebs catch his head. He stood very still waiting for the water to wash away most of the blood before he would scrub his skin raw. Everywhere was red. Maybe he could beat back some feeling into himself. If only he could summon enough energy.

The shadows were moving, slithering around her ankles and wrists, pulling her into the deep and grimy puddles. Could this world truly be Gotham? Nothing was familiar to her rain-filled eyes. Not even the eerie glow cast by bolts of lightning could reveal any small characteristic of the world she knew. In her mind, everything was alive, screaming, crying. Her legs started to shake violently as she walked down the dark alleys, freezing to the bone. It wasn't the weather that caused her bones to be cold as ice, but her heart. It had cracked, letting out a liquid colder than ice. Where would she go? The storm was getting worse. Her ever-persistent survival instinct told her that she was not allowed to drown out here. Who would take her in now? Wasn't there one person? She could see the other woman in her thoughts, slowly piecing together her memories through the throbbing headache. Poison Ivy!

Poison Ivy opened her door. It was raining outside and that always put her in a joyful mood. Rain was excellent for her little babies. Water and sunlight in moderation was all they needed. She hoped it didn't rain forever though. It already looked like a monsoon out there. Her eyes widened in shock as she viewed the huge drowned rat in font of her. The poor girl's clothes were torn to tatters and she looked like she had fallen from a fifty story building. "Mother earth...come in!", Ivy shouted so she could be heard over the hurricane-force gale outside. She grabbed the wet blob by the arm and yanked her inside so she could bolt the door. It was never a good idea to have an open-door policy in _this_ part of Gotham.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." Harley managed to say after a few attempts. She really wanted to explain how sorry she was to take advantage of Ivy's hospitality, but that was nearly impossible. Her head felt like it was full to bursting. She kept her arms wrapped around her sides, scared that if she let go she might fall apart.

"Aw, Harley, darling. Sit and take your clothes off," Ivy gently pushed Harley toward a chair in the kitchen. Poor girl. Sometimes the life of crime wasn't all that glamorous. "What happened?" Ivy said while starting a pot of tea. She added the freshest herbs she could find. Those were always the best. A good strong green mint tea could cure anything. Plus, Ivy was afraid Harley just might go into hypothermic shock if she didn't have something warm in her system. Hopefully, Harley hadn't been wandering around for too long out there in the storm.

Her whole body protested as she peeled the shreds of black and white fabric off of her body. A few more fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized that her costume was completely destroyed. "Mistah J just got a little mad..." It hurt to admit the whole story, so she skimmed around the edges.

Ivy scoffed. "Just got a little bit mad? Your face is going to be as big as a watermelon with all those bruises." She tossed her fire-engine red hair angrily. Poison Ivy was going to have a little talk with the Joker. One in which he wasn't going to come out alive. "Hold on, dear. Let me get you something to wear and some...ice," Ivy muttered the words as she walked off to the back of her trailer located in the pleasant Paradise Meadows which was conveniently shut down by the Gotham Health and Safety Board. She grabbed Harley a white shirt, a warm cloth, a big ice pack, and an antidote shot. She walked back to the table and dropped the stuff on it. Ivy handed her the cloth," All the makeup needs to be wiped off your face or the cuts could get infected." Poison Ivy tapped the antidote shot lightly with her finger.

After slipping the white shirt over her head quickly, Harley scrubbed at her face as gently as possible. The cuts were all stinging from the water, but she just had to grit her teeth and bare it. When she was done, she presented herself for approval. Gosh, Ivy was being so helpful! Such a nice lady.

Ivy picked up the cloth with the very tips of her fingers and threw it in a hamper for laundry day. She turned back toward Harley. She already looked a bit better. She was started to look somewhat human. Her face was bruised and battered and she had scrapes and marks everywhere. "Do you think anything is broken?" Ivy put an icepack on Harley's face. The antidote was fizzing lightly now which meant it was ready.

"Um..." Harley slowly tried moving every part of her body. The only things that hurt were her right hand and her left ankle. "Only my ankle and hand hurt." She held up the body parts to show which ones. "I must have broken something in my hand when I got the papyrus..." Her face fell a bit.

Ivy smiled. Her antidote would be perfect then. Not only did it result in the human body being immune to most plant toxins but it also some of Ivy's herbal medicine in it. Ivy took off the casing of the needle and sat down next to Harley. "Look you aren't immune to toxins like I am. You won't last ten minutes in Toxic Acres without my antidote," Ivy said carefully. Little Harley had 6 minutes to go before she asphyxiated.

"Ooohh..." Harley whined, unable to stop herself from flinching away. "I hate shots!" That's why she hadn't been a doctor. Giving people shots seemed like a horrible job. All those needles! "I hate 'em..."

Ivy stuck the needle in her skin quickly. The girl had probably had enough pain for a lifetime. She hoped the healing would begin immediately. Ivy definitely should have the formula down now. She had been perfecting it for years. Ivy glanced at Harley's battered face. She felt a sting of pity. "Why do you put up with that clown?" she asked seriously. Poison Ivy could never live with any man.

"Well, I know that my Puddin' can get kinda rough sometimes, but he loves me!" She tried to keep herself from crying. Hadn't he told her he loved her? He wouldn't lie to her! "He really does!"

Ivy couldn't help but smirk. Her voice took on a mocking tone, "Sure he does. You're just one big forgiving doormat aren't you?" Ivy shook her head and walked over to her comfy green bed.

"I am not a doormat! Am I?" Harley stood up, placing a finger on her chin. Sure, she did let Joker have his way, but she liked his way. Did that make her a doormat? Was it bad to let people have their way all the time, even i it kept you happy most of the time?

Ivy laughed, "Honey, if you had a middle name it would be 'Welcome'" She got up when she saw Harley's beaten expression. She sighed, "Aw. Cheer up kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem." The tea kettle whistled and Ivy grabbed a cup for Harley. The fragrant smell of mint wafted through the kitchen. A roll of thunder boomed and shook the tiny trailer. "So, why did Joker get mad?" Ivy retook her seat by Harley and leaned towards her as they were third graders gossiping.

Harley took a few sips of the mint tea, letting the warm liquid soothe her throat and warm her from the inside out. "Well, Mistah J was sorta mad that his plan didn't got through like he had hoped." Joker was a perfectionist after all.

Ivy shook her head in disbelief. "It was probably his fault anyway his exalted _plan_ didn't work," Ivy spat at the words. The Joker was a madman. Not only was he insane...he was cruel, insane, and limitless. There were no rules in the Joker's games. If there was a line, Joker raced through it shattering every moral code he possibly could as quickly as possible. Ivy felt a wealth of disgust rise up in her throat. She pitied this broken little girl before her. This is what happened to someone who "loved" the Joker. "Is the antidote making you feel better? We probably need to set your hand and wrap it up if there are broken bones. They'll set wrong if we don't," Ivy muttered as she got up to grab a bandage.

"I feel a lot better, thanks!" Harley smiled at the kind woman as best she could. The air was much more comfortable in her lungs, no longer stinging from the toxic chemicals. She felt stronger too, less fragile. Harley tried to flex her fingers. They twitched a little, which was a good sign. Maybe they weren't that badly broken after all.

Ivy sat down again in front of Harley and gently felt her hand. The skin was bruised and held a strange purplish tint. The girl's index finger was broken and perhaps one of her knuckles. Ivy didn't know all that much about humans. Plants were her forte. She carefully wrapped Harley's hand. The herbal medicine in the antidote should speed up the healing process tenfold. Ivy glanced back up at Harley. Her face didn't look good. "Do you want something to eat or do you want to just go lie down?"

When was the last time she had eaten? She couldn't even remember. Life with the Joker was obviously not a normal life. There was no time line really. Things just happened when they happened, because they were meant to happen at that time. This left a person without a schedule. It was hard to remember to eat when you had no schedule. "I really hate to impose on you like this...But I am a little hungry..."

Ivy nodded and got up. "Are eggs and toast okay? I don't eat meat but I can cook most anything else." She turned on the burner and opened the refrigerator. It was looking a bit sparse in there. She pursed her lips. Hmm. Plenty of vegetables. Maybe Ivy could get a salad at of that for lunch... she needed to make a run to get some food. Organic healthy food stores never suspected an innocent-looking botanist of taking a little bit of bread. Ivy figured she'd paid them off in the end anyway when no one wanted to use freakish pesticides anymore because of the ill effects they would have.

"That sounds really good, actually." She smiled again, her good hand resting lightly against her stomach. It felt concave. Eggs...How long had it been since she'd had one of those? It didn't really bother her that she hadn't had any. It was just an interesting fact to note.

Ivy whipped up some eggs and slightly toasted bread as quick as she could. The poor girl looked as if she would faint. Ivy clenched her fists. She wanted to hit Joker. His abuse was sickening. She pushed the thought out of her mind as she put the plate of food in front of Harley. "Here you go, honey," Ivy smiled. Suddenly, a light clicked. Poison Ivy was such a genius sometimes. If Joker did care about this girl...that could be quite useful. Why not turn Harley into a supervillianess without any of Joker in the spotlight? Ivy could even get old Harvey Dent involved. Wouldn't Joker be jealous when his old love interest was in the arms of Two Face? A small chuckle escaped Ivy's pretty pink lips.

"Thank you so much!" Harley gushed before stuffing her face. She tried really hard not to seem too desperate. Looking desperate was never a good thing. When her gracious hostess chuckled, Harley looked up with one perfect eyebrow raised.

Ivy smiled, "You are eating like a horse. Do you want any more?" Ivy walked back over to the stove to turn it back on. She still had two more vegan eggs left. The storm was slowly dying down and Ivy could see the pale morning light starting to peek through the cloud cover. Exhaustion hit her like a rock. She shook the feeling away. She had a lot to do today. Lots of calls to make for this new brilliant idea. The Joker needed a little taste of his own medicine.

Harley could feel a light blush spreading across her cheeks. Despite the embarrassment of a blush, it was a good sign also. Blood was flowing correctly. "Um...If that's okay with you..." She hated imposing on Ivy. There would have to be a way to pay her back one day.

Ivy laughed again and cracked two more eggs. The pan was already hot so it took even less time then before. "Here you go. Those are the last I have but if you need more food the vegetable drawer is pretty stocked," Ivy grinned. She closed the blinds on the window and sat back down across from Harley. "So, have you ever been to a club?" The idea was coming together quite nicely.

Harley was careful only to talk when her mouth wasn't full of egg, "During college I went a few times with my friends." Well, maybe a bit more than a few times. They had all been party animals. She didn't bother asking why Ivy wanted to know. Questioning a question never really got anyone anywhere.

Ivy smiled. Good. She was pretty sure Harley had never been to a club like the one she was going to go to. "You look like your half-dead. You should get some sleep. I think the spare bedroom's all ready made up," she said each statement matter-of-factly. Harley should be feeling sleepy. There should have been a mild sedative in the shot. Ivy liked to be careful with these kinds of things. You never know when someone might try to steal the antidote and use it on themselves. It was better to have a sleepy robber than an alert one.

As if the words had been some sort of magical cue, Harley yawned. She wasn't just sleepy, she was exhausted. Her shoulders were tense from stress. It would feel so nice to lay down...As she stood, she gave Ivy her best smile, "Thank you so much for all of this."

"You are very welcome," Ivy said almost humbly as she ushered the girl to her room. As soon as her head hit the pillow, Harley was dead asleep. Excellent. Time to get to work. Ivy skipped back to the kitchen with renewed energy and picked up the cordless phone to dial a number she knew very well with a slight sigh. Men were so infuriating. But, it had to be done. The Joker needed to be taught a few vital lessons.


	14. Education

**Authors' Note:** Hello dear reader, I'm so sorry I (Katie) haven't updated in a while. Don't kill me please. I'll try to update sooner next time, okay? I hope you enjoy. As always, comments and reviews are much appreciated. :)

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Harley fidgeted in her micro skirt. True, she was used to wearing short skirts, but this one was reaching dangerous levels. It was the only thing she had been able to find though. She had decided not to wear her costume because it was a little roughed up and she wasn't sure if it would be okay to wear it to the nightclub. Did villains wear their costumes around each other just for looks? She glanced over at Ivy, the nerves showing just a bit. What if they didn't like her?

Ivy grinned at the exploding sound of the music and went straight toward the VIP booths. She loved this environment...not so much the people but the bright lights and the colorful scene of dancers letting go of all their thoughts and moving to a more base instinct of physical activity. Ivy was dressed carefully for this occasion. A skin-tight dark green dress flattered her curvy figure perfectly.

Harley followed behind Ivy carefully. When she realized they were heading for the VIP booths, she got even more nervous. She caught Ivy's hand as they got even closer. Her voice was an urgent whisper, "What if they don't like me?" Impressions mattered a lot to her. A bad first impression can hurt you for life.

Ivy waved her hand in the air. "Of course they'll like you," she walked over to one of the booths and pulled the curtain. Ivy's signature smile pasted on her face. "Harvey, darling! How good to see you," she leaned over and kissed him on his good cheek. Penguin was in the seat along with a couple of whores. Ivy yanked one of the overdone dolls out of the seat next to Harvey and sat down. She made sure he could feel her leg pressed up against his own. "I'd like to introduce you to one of my friends. Harley Quinn meet Two Face," Ivy gestured for Harley to sit down wherever.

She sat down in the closet seat, offering a dazzling smile to the two men she recognized. Who wouldn't recognize them?! Harvey Dent, or Two Face, one of Batman's ultimate foes. The Penguin was well known for his organized crime. She could feel her cheeks heating up, "It's a honor to meet you!"

Penguin held out a hand for her to shake, testing her. She hadn't flinched at Harvey's face, so she should be fine with his hands. And she was. Interesting..."Well, I do believe I can take the liberty to speak for both of us when I say that it is quite lovely to make the acquaintance of one so pulchritudinous as yourself. Am I right, Harvey?"

Harvey shrugged. Poison Ivy was back to speaking with him again. That was quite the surprise. She had been furious at him at their last parting. She was still as beautiful as ever with that sensual smile. Ivy had him twisted and tangled over her. It was very unlike her to take on an apprentice though. Poison Ivy didn't share the spotlight often and if she did...well, he was sure she had some ulterior motive. "Sit down if you want," he said gruffly. His eyes followed her every movement. She didn't seem too uncomfortable. Harley did have pretty blue eyes that went with her blonde hair like a doll.

Ivy assauged Harvey's reaction. To a normal person, his face would have just looked impartial and impassive. But, Poison Ivy knew him a bit too well. He would give her a chance and if she could prove her intelligence he would be interested. Ivy giggled inside a bit. Perfect.

Harley beamed, sitting down across the table from Ivy. True, Harvey's face was a little scary to look at, but it was also endlessly fascinating. And the Penguin! She knew he had been born like that, which made it even more intriguing.

"Tell us, Pamela, how has life been treating you?" Penguin leaned back in his seat now, draping his arms over the two girls closet to him. Ahh, how wonderful it was to be powerful! He exchanged a quickly glance with Harvey. Later he would have to ask what was going on in their relationship. It was so hard to keep up with.

Ivy cringed a bit. Pamela was not her name anymore. She looked at Penguin coldly, "Life's been going quite well lately." She turned to Harvey. Ivy didn't like whores. They were the at the bottom of the social abyss. Women who gave up control over their own lives and who would do anything for money. That was worse than a tragedy. She leaned up to whisper in Harvey's ear, "If you could send these other girls away, we could actually talk Harvey. I'm dying to talk." She put her hand over his heart.

Two Face watched as Harley smiled and attempted to talk to Penguin. She seemed too...innocent to be connected to Ivy. He grimaced at Ivy's words. What in the world would she want to say to him so badly? He leaned toward the girls and told them he would see them later. He faced Ivy completely and tried to put some distance between them. The past kept coming up like a virus.

Penguin tried to ignore the cold shoulder he had been served as he continued his conversation with the lovely new addition to their table. She was so brilliantly radiant! What an amazing addition to the collection she would make! As the girl went on answering his various and sundry questions, Penguin found himself wondering what a sweet little child would be doing with Pamela. They seemed like quite polar personalities. This idea was added to his list of topics to discuss with Harvey later.

It was getting easier to talk now. Harley found herself starting to actually enjoy the conversation, despite the fact that Penguin's speech was a little proper for her taste. He came off as slightly pompous. There was also that glint in his eye, as if he was eyeing her like some sort of trophy. Well, at least he liked her.

Poison Ivy was having a wonderful night. "Would you like to dance Harvey? You can come too Harley, dear." She smiled and held her hand out to Two Face. He wouldn't refuse her. He never did...never could. She just needed him to like Harley a bit. Ivy grabbed his hand and pulled him toward a secluded corner. "So, I was hoping that you might join me and Harley for a little....early morning fun," she said quietly.

Two Face raised his eyebrows. "What kind of fun?" he asked in a low voice. He had a lot of ideas. A threesome would be something new for him.

Ivy laughed when she saw the interest grow in his eyes. "Nothing like that. I would like you to see Harley in action. I want to see what you think of her. Do you need some information obtained?"

Harvey thought for a few seconds. "I would like to know about this one police officer. Officer Brian Grant," he said carefully. This was an odd request for even Ivy to make.

Ivy grinned, "It won't take long. I promise."

"Excuse me." Harley chimed as she slid out of the comfy booth. Ivy had already pulled Two Face over into the corner and it looked like they were having a pretty important conversation, so Harley hung back for a bit. There was obviously something between the two and she didn't want to mess that up. When Ivy glanced up, waiting for her arrival, Harley walked forward, "What's up, Red?"

Ivy shrugged nonchalantly, "I was just wondering if you could do me a favor? There is this file I need and...well. Harvey wants to come along to for extra support. I don't know if I can get it by myself though. We can talk about the details in the car if you are willing."

"Sure!" She smiled her best smile. This sounded like fun! Even if she hadn't wanted to do it, she owed Ivy for all the generous hopitality. One little file would be pretty easy to get. "It's the least I could do to pay you back for all the help you gave me."

Two Face nodded. That was a...kind thing to do. "I'll drive," he said as he reached for the keys in his pocket. His car would be faster and more unrecognizable then any of Ivy's cars.

Ivy looked up at Harvey, "So, do you know the layout of the police headquarters? I'm not too familiar with it myself." She started thinking of the best ways to get inside the building. They could put on an act or do it the easy way—just slip in the back door unnoticed.

"Ooooh! We're going to break into the police headquarters?!" Harley wasked with wide eyes. This would be even more fun than she thought. "Just wait till I tell Mistah-" She cut herself off. Thinking about him made her feel like a knife had been stabbed through her heart. She hadn't heard a thing from or about him since she left. It made her nervous, not knowing what was going on. What if he was hurt? A slight frown tugged down her smile as her thoughts wandered down that dark path.

Ivy frowned. Harley shouldn't bring that up right now. This was the wrong moment for Harley to be thinking about the Joker. Ivy quickly thought of a new topic to distract Harvey. "So, I heard that the mob was getting into weapons dealing in addition to drug smuggling. Is that just a rumor?" Ivy lead the way to Harvey's Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. The sleek, black sports car was definitely the most beautiful car in the lot. Ivy decided to get in the back seat. Maybe if Harley would take the front one, Harvey would be more talkative. He usually was after the first getting to know someone. Ivy crossed her fingers in her lap.

Harley sat down in the front seat, noticing how Ivy kept glancing there. She had always been excellent at reading other people's intentions. In this case, Ivy wanted her to sit there. So, she did. She wished she had worn a longer skirt. This one was revealing a little too much skin. She was feeling a little self conscious, which was weird.

Two Face easily backed out of the parking lot and speed toward the police station downtown Gotham. He glanced at Ivy in the rear-view mirror to answer her question, "Yes. The mob is buying weapons now. I think they are expanding their reach a bit. Who is going to go in?"

Ivy smoothed her dark green dress and smiled, "I would like some information on Captain John Carter. He works for the Gotham City Police as head of their Environmental Protection Enforcement division. I don't think he's doing job correctly and I would like to look into his background a bit. We should be able to sneak in through the forensic lab entrance. There's not much security around there. It'll be a piece of cake." She leaned forward to rest her arm on Two Face's seat. She brushed her fingertips through his hair. "Thank you for doing this, Harvey. Would you come in with us? I'd like Harley to get a little practice but it's always good to have an extra pair of hands." Ivy promised herself that she wouldn't charm too much. She needed Harvey to play his part when the time came and that wouldn't happen if he was all over herself. She let out a small sigh. Business was no fun.

Harley shifted in her seat, tugging at her skirt as discreetly as possible. She turned so that she could look at Ivy, "So, Red, what's my job gonna be?" She was excited. The adrenaline was already pumping through her

Ivy leaned back. "Well, it would be wonderful if you could get the file. I think the hard copy one will do. They keep them in a storage room all alphabetized and everything. Harv, do you know where the room is? If you could show Harley that would be wonderful. I need to create a bit of a distraction because the chief's office is right across the hall. We wouldn't want him to come and see you digging through the file cabinet. "

Two Face nodded, "I think I saw it on the blueprint."

Harley turned even further in her seat, forgetting all about her dress and its length, "What're you gonna do for a distraction? I bet it'll be awesome!" She smiled, ever trying to please.

Ivy raised an eyebrow at the enthusiasm. "I have a few hybrid plant seeds that I always keep with me. They grow...explosively when exposed to carbon dioxide. It will be a sufficient enough distraction. I just need to plant them in the right place."

Two Face circled the police headquarters before parking a block away in an alley. He got out of the car and pulled off his jacket. He couldn't punch adequately while wearing it. Plus, he really didn't want any blood spatters. It was brand new. He checked his Jericho 941 semi-automatic pistol. It was loaded.

Ivy got out of the car and started to walk not even checking behind her to see if she was being followed. Anticipation mixed with adrenaline rushed through her veins. This was going to be fun.

Harley jumped out of the car, feeling like a kid on Christmas day. She felt so...energized. The cool night air rustled her hair and dress. "Just tell me when to go, Red." She wanted to prove herself. Not only to Ivy, but to every criminal in Gotham. She could do this.


	15. Appeasement

Ivy grinned. That's what she wanted to hear! They were within about 50 yards of the lab entrance. Ivy paused. She wanted to make sure no one was coming in or out the door. She spotted a security camera bolted to the overhanging above the door. She frowned. She didn't remember that from last time. "Harvey, can you just shoot the camera?" They needed to get inside without being seen.

Two Face gave a cool laugh and shook his head, "Why don't you climb up to the roof and unplug it from there?"

Ivy pursed her lips as if in deep thought. No. Too much effort. She grabbed the gun from its holster and shot the camera herself. Bullseye. The bullet has gone right through the lens. "Now, I'll go around to the front door and put the seeds in the right place. You two go on ahead."

As soon as Harley heard the word "go" she was running. It felt so wonderful. There were only a handful of things she could compare it to. She made it to the entrance long before Two Face. Might as well start working on the lock. It didn't look too terribly complex. How great would it look if she had the lock undone by the time Two Face got there? That would impress all of them!

Two Face came up right behind her. She was almost done picking the lock. He could have done it faster, but he didn't want to burst her happy bubble. After a few seconds, she had unlocked the door completely. He followed her in. The records room was just down the hall to the left. He took a deep breath. They had a 50/50 chance of getting caught.

Meanwhile, Ivy walked into the front door of the police headquarters. She brought up a few tears and screamed a bit. She played the part of crazy woman perfectly. "Help me! I-I...there was a man! I ran here after he tried to grab me." She shivered a little and her lower lip quivered. Her eyes darted about the room. The secretary sitting behind the front desk stood up and started to approach her. Ivy could hear what sounded like a battalion of officers come pounding down the hallway. One of them started to reach for her and she grinned. She popped off the cap of one of her vials and threw it. The plant immediately started to grow; tentacles reached for the men's ankles and they were immersed in suffocating vines before they could move. Her baby was so perfect. What a sweetie. She darted down the hall avoiding the reaching hands. The terrified screams were music to her ears.

Harley crept through the dim hallway as silently as possible, not even breathing. The door to the records room was wide open. A smile broke out on her lips. This was perfect. Soon, she was practically dancing between the rows of filing cabinets. She glanced at each cabinet briefly, only to determine how they were organized. According to her observations, the information they were looking for should be in the back right hand corner of the room.

Two Face stood in the doorway keeping watch. He heard a loud bang from near the front desk and heard footsteps. No one seemed to be coming this way though. Luck was with them.

Ivy quickly manuevered her way to the opposite end of police headquarters. She planted her next seed in the master control room. Power would be cut to the entire building once the plant shoots infiltrated the metal panal. It would take them a while to recover from this one. Stupid people stumbling in the dark was always delightful.

Harley tried to open the filing cabinet she believed contained the information. Of course, it was locked. She sighed, running her hands along the sides. Ah-hah! "Do you have a pocket knife?" Her voice was very soft. No way was she going to get them caught.

Two Face frowned but searched his pockets. He had a small knife attached to his car keys. He handed them to her barely taking his eyes off the door. Something seemed wrong. He feel more anxious as the minutes ticked by. Every second that they were in here seemed to increased the likelihood that they would get caught. He drummed his fingers against the wall softly. "Hurry up, Harley. We need to get out of here," he whispered.

"Yes, sir." Harley replied, taking the knife and rushing back to the filing cabinet. She carefully used the blade of the knife to unscrew the small screws on the side. Once all of the screws were removed, she pried the front of the cabinet off. Score! There it was, all labeled and everything! "Got it!"

Two Face grabbed Harley by the hand and ushered her in front of him. It was easier for him to keep track of her that way. They were almost to the foresnic lab door when he heard quiet footsteps. He muttered a curse as Harley was about to walk right past the corner. He put a arm around her waist and pulled her back against him. He started to back up trying to think of a place they could hide. He took a breath. She smelled good. A little bit like flowers. He couldn't help but smile. What a funny situation.

Harley was a bit shocked when Two Face grabbed her, but didn't show it. Don't let them see any moment of fear or shock. That would be bad. She didn't really care that his arm was around her waist. So what? It didn't mean anything. He was just making sure she didn't do anything stupid. This actually made her kinda mad. She could take care of herself!

There was no way they could hide in time. The footsteps were getting louder. Ivy walked around the corner and stopped in the middle of the hallway. She smiled and blew a kiss at them. "I didn't know you two were so close. I'll give you some privacy." She abruptly turned and walked through the forensic lab door. Her steps were a bit lighter than before. It was so perfect! Everything was working according to plan.

Two Face immediately let Harley go. "Let's get out of here," he said shrugging his shoulder. He didn't feel embarassed just ready to leave.

Harley's cheeks got warm for just a second before she scolded herself. Nothing was going on. At all! Red was just being Red. Besides, they had to get out of there or they'd get caught for real. She felt kinda unsafe without a gun.

They all made it back to the car just as police cars were arriving on the scene. Two Face gunned the engine and the tires screeched. They made it back to the club in one piece. Ivy hugged him after he got out of the car. "Thank you, darling!" she said estatically. Everything was PERFECT. Expect Harvey didn't let go of her.

He held her up against him a little too long to be appropriate and leaned down her so that his lips brushed her ear, "I expect you to call me soon. You owe me." Ivy felt a smidgen of guilt but quickly dismissed it. She had no intention of calling Harvey anytime soon. "I'll try," she sighed dramatically, "Well, let's head home, Harley, dear. You did a wonderful job by the way. A first rate crime queen in the making."

Harley beamed, a wonderful feeling spreading through her. Happiness. It was a great feeling. That adrenaline was still pumping through her veins too. "Thanks, Red! Let's have a celebratory dinner! I'll cook." Then she remembered that she must keep her contacts open in the criminal world. "It was lovely meeting you, Two Face." It didn't seem right to call him Harvey. Not yet.

He nodded at Harley's words and then walked back toward the club. The night was still young.

Ivy watched him walk away into the club before she headed toward her own pink convertible. Harley was right behind her.


	16. Vengeance

**Authors' Note**: I (Katie) know I'm a bit biased because I write for Joker, but I love this chapter. I hope you will too. Definitely tell me if you share the same feeling. :)

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Joker had a headache. He has spent all day picking over common thieves, thugs, and ex-gang members to find his own crew. The stupid ones were the smartest choices. They actually followed commands instead of plotting rebellion. He collapsed in an old armchair in front of the plasma flat-screen television. His new headquarters was located in the basement of a mansion. The old, rich, fat guy that owned the place had died and all his relatives were suing each other for his money. It was secluded and had plenty of nice toys to play with. Distraction things. He hadn't felt himself lately. It was unusual. He shrugged off the thought. His stupid headache. _That_ was what was making him unable to think. It was unpleasant, unwanted, and unsavory. He hit his head against his fist as if he could pound it out of his head.

He heard the door open. "Hey, boss. You should turn on the t.v. I think. There is something about you on the news," an idiot mumbled as he shuffled across the floor.

Joker rolled his eyes, "They talk about me all the time. **I'm** the only person worth speaking about." He tapped his fingers against the side of his head. His head was exploding. Fuck it.

"Eh...boss, you really should hear about this...erm. It's kind of important," the new henchmen obviously didn't realize he was an imbecile.

Joker gave a frustrated moan, "Why should you decide what's important? Give me the remote and my M4 now." The assualt rifle always made him feel a bit better.

He pressed the power button on the remote and flipped channels until he found the news.

A black-haired lady with too much lipstick smiled and read the teleprompter, "Just in, a source has given us some video footage on the attack that occured today at Gotham City Police Headquarters dowtown. Three arrest warrants have been issued for Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley, Harvey Dent, and Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Each of these suspects masquerades as Poison Ivy, Two Face, and Harley Quinn. We are unable to ascertain why they assaulted Police Headquarters but the three certainly caused some damage—over 300,000 dollars worth. Take a look at this new videotape brought to you exclusively by World News. Be advised some of this footage may be a bit violent."

The video started with an image of Poison Ivy walking up to the front desk looking distressed. In a few moments, a plant started growing engulfing police officers and breaking through the roof. Soon, Ivy disappeared down the hallway. The video then cut to security camera footage of Harley and Two Face in the hallway. Two Face had his arms around her waist and leaned down close to her ear. Ivy appeared in the corner of the shot and laughed at the couple. Two Face let Harley go and all three exited the building.

The anchor woman appeared again at her desk and read more off the teleprompter, "Both Poison Ivy and Two Face are head crime figures in Gotham, however, the new Harley Quinn seems to have joined the ranks effortlessly. It is rumored that Harley Quinn originally worked with the infamous Joker, but now her allegiance has turned. Love often makes us a bit mad doesn't it, Gwen?" She chuckled a bit and the camera switched it's focus to the Gotham City of Police Spokeswoman who was at the studio. Gwen looked a bit uncomfortable, "Let's hope that Two Face and this new Harley Quinn don't get too involved. No one wants the crime rate to skyrocket again."

Joker felt his jaw drop. What? He couldn't hear anymore of their babble. He felt his heart constrict and skip a beat. What? His head pounded. Red started to cloud his vision. He couldn't breathe. He stood up from the chair and lifted the assault rifile. He could barely feel his finger pull the trigger. The moron who had started to back out of the room in horror fell to the floor full of holes.

He still was suffocating. His anger was burning. He had never been this angry before in his whole life. He ran out of the room. His new gang were playing cards at the table. One stood up from the table and started to walk toward him, "Boss...I was just wonderin'..." He wasn't able to finish his sentence. Joker pressed the trigger again. Blood splurting out of the bullet wounds. "Get out of my way," he managed to say the words in a horse voice. Then he started laughing uncontrollably. He couldn't stop it. It just burbled up. He felt tears stream out of his eyes. His laughter echoed off the marble floors and high ceiling. His sides hurt. He had gone crazy. He couldn't control anything anymore. His laughs became hysterical. Death was such a joke. The best joke. Everyone got the punchline.

He grabbed all the knives from the kitchen before heading out the back door. He was still laughing sporadically. It was all so funny. Two Face and...and... he errupted in another fit. He held his sides. He felt like he was going to split apart. Hahahahaahahahahahaha. He dumped the knives into the passenger seat of the rich, fat guy's sports car and kept the assault rifile with him in the driver's seat. He jammed his foot on the gas pedal pressing it to the floor. The engine revved and he was off. The tires screamed as the car seemed to leap off the pavement. He rolled down all the windows. His laughter finally died, desimated by a brillant new idea. He finally had a plan. No more lethargic brainstorming or pathetic boredom. He felt like he had been hit by lightening. He would kill them slowly and painfully. They would wish they had never been born.

No one was going to take her away from him.

She was **his**.

They were going to pay.


End file.
